The rate at
which marriages break up in this country in recent times has shown that it
takes more than a signature in the register of a church and marriage registry
to make a marriage. Evidence has also proved that the grandeur and splendor of
a wedding celebration have no relationship with the stability of the marriage.
And that divorce has been on the increase since wedding became an ego-boosting
ceremony. Greater importance is attached to the delicacies to be served during
wedding receptions than the solemn vows to live with each other until death
separates them.
Why most couples
go to the church to lie deliberately to themselves and God by making false
pledges in the presence of a pastor and invited guests is baffling. Whenever I
hear couples repeating after the pastor: “I ……… take ……… to be my wedded
wife/husband to have and to hold, this day forward for better for worse, for
richer for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part.” I usually
smile to myself, knowing fully well that the couple might be accomplishing a
mere formality. It will be more realistic if the pledge is changed to: “For we
stay, for worse we separate” because this is what is at the core of most
people’s heart as they go for the marriage. Why then deceive ourselves with
“till death do us part?”
Even the absolute fidelity most
couples pledge to each other on the wedding day is nothing but false. A day
after the wedding, the men are back in the streets hunting girls like cats
hunting for mice. I will like to mention here to the credit of the women that
they are slower to become unfaithful to their husbands but once they start they
rarely stop, which eventually leads to the breakage of many marriages.
Most people marry without knowing
their partners well and after the marriage has been contracted, they start
asking themselves; “Have I not married the wrong person?” Some women marry men
because of their wealth, regardless of their weaknesses, while some men would
marry a girl because she is very beautiful or always well-dressed, all of them
being blind to the unpleasant traits of their partners until they get married.
It is then they start complaining when it is already late. I don’t see the
present rate of divorce declining till our men and women begin to love their
partners for what they are and not how much benefit they can derive from them.
Some women are
so desperate to hook the man of their dream that they don’t mind engaging in
acts of blackmail, character assassination, fighting of any opponent, making
charms and many other devilish acts forgetting that things artificial are known
not to have a long life-span. Dear would-be wife, if you eventually get the man
to marry you, can you keep him?
The commonest shortcoming of married
couples is deception. Deception cannot last forever, it will eventually become
apparent and when it does, a crisis of confidence will ensue. “Whoever would
love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from
deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and
pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are
attentive to their prayer.” 1 Peter 3:10-12. Most partners are unwilling to
acknowledge their mistakes and shortcomings. A frank and prompt apology does
much to ensure the respect and devotion of the spouse than does any attempt to
ignore an injustice or resort to deception. But most people, especially the
males, regard it as a sign of weakness to apologize.
Another thing that breaks many homes
is giving birth to too many children without adequate income and plans on how
to cater for them. Married life is practical, so courtship should involve a
practical approach.
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