HOW TO BRING THE EXCITEMENT BACK INTO A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP

To the casual observer, it looks like wellness star Sophie Jaffe and her husband, Adi, have the kind of love that perfume ads are made of. And, well, they actually are as hot for each other as they seem in their Instagram photos—but it hasn’t always been that way.

At several points during their decade-long relationship, Adi’s sex addiction threatened to derail his partnership with Sophie, the yogi and founder of Philosophie superfoods. But after one breakup—and lots of help from therapists and healers—the couple persevered and came out stronger than ever. Now, they’re using the best of what they’ve learned to help other pairs in peril through Igntd, their new program of retreats and workshops for men, women, and couples.

“There was a reason why you got together with your person—but in the hustle and bustle of life, you forget.”

One big thing the Jaffes want other duos to take away from their story: You shouldn’t automatically assume defeat when that new couple feeling starts to fade (whether it’s from a traumatic event, like they experienced, or just the normal end of the honeymoon phase). “Our work is all about reminding couples of their potential,” says Adi, an addiction specialist who has a PhD in psychology. “There was a reason why you got together with your person—but in the hustle and bustle of life, you forget.”

That’s what they’ll be focusing on at the first Igntd Couples retreat in March, where individual and group therapy sessions in the Cayman Islands will be spliced with yoga, meditation, HIIT workshops, cooking classes, and more. (Can’t make it? The Jaffes are also hosting a virtual bootcamp from February 1-14.) Says Adi: “We’re providing you with a reset button for your relationship.”

Do you feel like your long-term love affair’s stuck on pause? Keep reading for Sophie and Adi Jaffe’s tips for keeping things hot once you’re in the trenches of a committed partnership.

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1. Never stop dating each other

When you and your partner are stressed out over a million things—work, money, politics—it’s easy to let date night drop off the priority list. But the Jaffes argue this is when it’s more important than ever.

“Coupleship takes work,” proclaims Adi. “At the office, you don’t say, ‘If I just show up, the projects will get done and my clients will be happy.’ You work for it. In a true partnership, you have to put in the effort to make your partner happy.”

Sophie suggests scheduling in dates each week, just like you’d put a meeting or a workout on your calendar. (And no, staring at Netflix while silently eating takeout doesn’t count.) “Take a day or night where you escape together doing whatever makes you feel connected,” she says. “Pick one of the things you used to do when you were dating, or get a hotel room and have a sexy night—just put your phone on airplane mode!”

And what if your partner says they’re too busy? “Trust that it doesn’t mean your coupleship is doomed,” advises Adi. “When you feel resistance from your partner, it’s a signal that they need you to come in stronger.” The good news: According to Adi, once you’re having fun together again, “you’ll magically rediscover the aspects of the person that you fell in love with.”

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2. Get handsy (without having sex)

Let’s face it: Sex with a long-term partner can get kind of snoozy. Once you’ve done it with the same person hundreds of times, it’s easy to take everything about them for granted—which is why the Jaffes recommend removing intercourse from the picture for a bit and focusing on the simple sense of touch.

Yes, that’s right—not having sex could help bring you closer to your partner. “Something we did really early on [while healing our relationship] was non-sexual light touching,” says Adi. “Sit in front of your partner and take their hand. Just feel it. This is about paying attention to a mundane part of your partner, but really giving it your all.”

This kind of laser-focused, G-rated intimacy isn’t nearly as easy as it sounds. “[The first few times we did it], it was terrifying and challenging,” Adi admits. “I recommend people start small and not jump right into sex, because sex can serve as a distraction from the stuff this brings up.” But once you return to getting busy, you’ll be more in-tune with your partner—with a surplus of pent-up sexual energy, to boot.

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3. Know your partner’s love language

The Jaffes credit Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, with helping to keep their relationship rock solid. “It’s important to be aware of what you and your partner both need, and this book helps with that,” says Sophie. (If nothing else, being responsive to your partner’s needs will definitely lead to better sex—science says so.)

Essentially, the book claims that everyone has a different way of translating and receiving love, and there are five different categories we all fall into. For instance, says Sophie, Adi’s love language is largely verbal. “He needs to be acknowledged for who he is and what he does with words,” she says. “I’m more physical. I’d rather be showered with a million hugs and kisses.”

Sophie adds that you can turn this into a mini-date by reading together, side-by-side in bed. “It makes it more of a bonding activity,” she says.

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4. Start a journal together

“One of the things we find a lot [in fizzling relationships] is that communication has broken down,” says Adi. “Couples have forgotten how to talk to one another.” From there, distance and resentment are pretty much inevitable.

If leveling with each other in an honest, straightforward way is challenging, the Jaffes recommend creating a journal where you message back and forth. If things are good, pen some love notes. If not? “Write things that you’re having trouble expressing to each other’s face in normal conversation,” suggests Sophie. Having those difficult talks, even if it’s through pen and paper, are bound to bring you closer—both outside of the sheets and in between them.
This article is by Erin Magner.

How to Correct Your Kids When They Make Mistakes

Loving your children is your obligation as parents. Sometimes children make repeated mistakes. Though, some of them may be unintentional. All parents get anger with their children when they make mistakes. Some, however, do it more frequently than others. You have to correct them whether those mistake are intention or unintentional. The type of correction given should depend upon the type of mistake made. For simple mistake the correction should not be severe. But for serious mistakes the correction should be such that they will appreciate the severity of their offense. Remember as parents you are your children’s models. Family is the first training institution for children.

Speak gently to the wayward child. A pleasant smile and a word of kindness will often restore good humor and playfulness. “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bone.” (Proverb 16:18). Children have their joys and sorrows as well as the adults, and their little heart will quickly yield to the power of gentle, loving kindness. Children’s hearts are much like flowers; they remain open to the softly falling dew, but shut up their petals in the violent torrential rain. Just like violent rainfall shuts up the flower that is how, “Reckless words pierce like the sword.” (Proverb 12:18). Therefore, when you have occasion to rebuke your children, be careful to do it with overt signs of kindness and gentleness. The effect will be incalculably better.

Sidney Newton Bremer wrote, “Children love to bask in the warmth of a sunny, positive disposition. It brings out their confidence, stimulates hope, and secures success in all their efforts. It makes obedience a pleasure and work a pastime.” There is nothing that pays a higher dividend than when you see your home radiating with happiness sending out its effect all over the occupants, and creating a congenial atmosphere.

In loving your children regardless of their mistakes, you must also help them to become a better person. Love is beautiful and noble. What obstacle will it not overcome, and what sacrifice will it not make rather than give up. A child should be brought with the firm belief that he is born to succeed. You should not create an unfavorable milieu for this success to be attained by constant distortion or expressions of doubt, because of his mistakes.

Every child should be trained in the thrifty habits. They should learn the value of money early in life so that they can exercise wisdom in handling money during their later years. They should be taught that debt is a burden to be avoided. Debt has ruined many people of the most promising careers.

Even if any of them is caught in the trap of substance abuse, you must ensure that he grow up responsibly by doing all you can to help him break the habit. You must love your children wholeheartedly. But then, if they are mired in the habitual wrongdoing, you must love them enough to help them get out of it. Although, ultimate restoration is in almighty God’s hands, you as #parents must play your part.

Some parents rarely take time to consider what they say to their children. but as loving parents, you need to know that what you say can have a significant, lasting impact on your children. if you choose to speak encouraging more than condemning words to them, you will build a better household. Scudder N. Parker said, “People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be – not what you nag them to be.” Most parents know that they have to be encouraging parents; but somewhere between endless pursuit of #money and domestic chores, they lose the motivation to build up their children.

Johann Von Goethe said, “Correction does much, but encouragement does more.” You have to constantly encourage your children with such statements as, “You are smart.” “You are creative.” And, “I know you will make it.” Many men are now in prison or living out a miserable existence in the slums of some cities in the world, bent over, uncouth, and rough, because they were not lucky to have had efficient and systematic training, which would have made them develop into responsible men, and a gift to the #human race, instead of the smelling, half-starved wretch they are today.

Children should be taught that they were born for success; that the object of their creation was to be an achiever. Children should be taught that they have the same opportunities to succeed as others. And that they can even do what no man has been able to do before. Their teaching should always emphasize their looking upward and not downward. As a result of this the children will develop a positive perspective and look forward to achievement. When achievement is constantly held in the mind, it becomes a reality.

You should try to teach your children, from the beginning, to be orderly in their habits; and insist on the popular sayings, “A place for everything and everything in its place,” and “A time for everything and everything in its time.” Disorder, confusion and discontent and unhappiness breed mental and moral discord, and a discontented, unhappy life. A youth who does not do his work at any time, who always throws things down wherever they have been used, and leaves them lying about in confusion, is starting on the pathway to failure.

Start now to do things it takes to resume a cordial relationship with your recalcitrant children. Speak kindly to them. Help them to be persons they have been destined to be. Bless them, don’t curse them. When you choose to let go resentment toward your children, even if you think you have the right to feel so, your children feel relieved. You have given them the opportunity for a fresh beginning.

The risk you take in loving unconditionally is that they may choose to continue repeating those same mistakes. But resentment always stifles and stagnates. Loving these children, though risky, carries with it an enormous potential for change in them leading to healing and proper growth. The love between children and their parents should be unique. It is indefinable, indescribable, fresh and beautiful. This love if pure, unselfish, and discreet constitutes the catalyst for happiness in the family. Without it there would be no organized household and, consequently, none of that earnest endeavor for competence and respectability, which is the hallmark to human efforts. Those sweet, softening, restraining, elevating influences of domestic life, which alone can fill the home with the happy influences of refinement will be lacking.

How To Become The Person You Were Meant To Be

You want to be successful. You know you were put on this earth to contribute to the world in a big way. So you slave away for long hours, sacrifice time with your family and friends, and put all of your energy into helping others.

One day, when you’re successful, it will pay off. One day, you can slow down and relax. One day, you’ll make the contribution you were meant to make.

Except it doesn’t work like that. You’re building your future right now. And every decision you make is setting the boundaries, rules, and habits for what’s to come. So, instead of waiting to reach a milestone before you can build the lifestyle you want, let’s set the right foundation now for future success to grow.

Because happy, healthy people change the world. Burned out people just fuel their egos.

Want to build your successful dream life? Follow these five tips:

1. Start backward.

Have you ever tried to build an IKEA desk without the picture? Expect hours of frustration and mistakes. You can’t build success if you don’t know what it looks like. Decide exactly what success means to you. How much money you make, how many hours you work, how many lives you change, who you ideally work with, who you refuse to work with, where you vacation, how much you exercise, what kind of relationships you have, what kind of food you eat. When you create a clear blueprint of the final picture, you’ll know how to take the steps to get there. Clarity means focus, which means success.

2. Eat, sleep, and breathe success.

Let’s face it — success doesn’t just happen in a vacuum. If you have a toxic relationship, sooner or later that’s going to impact the energy you can put into your job. True success is really about holistically living the life of your dreams, so start with what you can control. Eat, sleep, exercise, and interact the way a successful person would. Decide to remove toxins of any form from your life, and value yourself as if you were born to be successful. Because, truthfully, you were.

3. Be who you are, not who you wish you were.

You were born with a set of inherent skills and passions. For the heck of it, let’s call that a life purpose. But people often get so focused on improving what they’re not good at that they ignore their inherent strengths. You were born this way for a reason. Learn how to rely on your strengths and ask for help on your weaknesses. It will make life more enjoyable and make you remarkably more successful.

4. Know your value.

You believe you were put on this earth for a specific reason. You have the antidote to somebody’s problem. So why are you doubting your self-worth? People are desperate for what you have to offer, and you’re the only person standing in your way. Once you get really clear on exactly what you have to offer and how much it’s worth, it will influence everything from how successful you allow yourself to be, to how much you charge, to how you value your time.

5. Assume this is it.

We never know what the future will hold. You may be the next Oprah, or you might never move from your present state. So be happy with where you are right now. Don’t wait to design the exact relationships, work life, and happiness that you want. Even if you can only start with a simple blog or taking a tiny step toward your goal today, start doing it. Because if you start building the foundation for the life you want now, you’ve already reached success. The rest is just icing on the cake as that mansion starts to grow.

Success is just as much an internal mindset as it is an outward experience. When you realize how much you have to contribute to the world and raise your standards to match that level, the rest will fall into place.

Because success is really about consciously creating your dream life — the life you were born to live. And, when you do that, you’ll truly be living your life purpose.

Just try to stop someone that happy from changing the world. I dare you.

This article is by Mike lamele culled from Mindbodygreen.

35 THINGS A WOMAN MUST KNOW ABOUT MEN

Many women are frustrated by the way the men they love behave. Of course you should know that there are things you need to do to win a man’s heart. It’s not impossible to win a man’s heart; it’s just that many women don’t have the key. These tips might help you know things men like.

·         Men like ladies with a good sense of humor. Try to be humorous by telling jokes. A man feels good about you when he sees you smiling.

·         Men are irresistibly drawn towards a woman who doesn’t need a man to make her happy, who isn’t looking for a man’s approval to define her worth, who has a passionate, purposeful life of her own, and yet also deeply values, cherishes and appreciates a man’s love in her life.

·         Men like teaching ladies new things. They are adventurous.

·         Men love woman who makes him better. Your man will also value you more when you make him a better person. If you inspire him to be a better man; he will open more to you, he would see you as a dependable partner and you will win his heart. Creating value is a very important way to win a man’s heart.

·         Patience is very important when trying to attract a man.

·         Men like women who cook for them. An old adage says that, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”  To cook for someone is to cater to one of their most basic human needs and cooking can be extremely intimate. It requires hard work and careful thought. And if you cook his favorite food, you would have proved just how willing you are to place his personal tastes above your own.

·         Most men don’t like ladies who are stronger than they are. Think of the women who always beat their husbands. Many regard it as a taboo. The men like to dominate not the other round.

·         Men are more open than ladies. Women tend to be more secretive.

·         Men don’t like to be outshined by their partners. It might be selfish but it is true. This is why there is always problems in homes where the women are the breadwinners.

·         Men don’t like girls who wear too much perfume. They tend to believe she might be hiding body odor.

·         Men love knowing that their woman admires them. And that most especially includes you, his wife.  And in doing so, you will touch his heart in a very deep way. Tell him you're proud of him for being so good at something he does well — whether it's his job, the way he handled that difficult situation at home, or even handling the kids. If you think he's romantic and funny, let him know. Don't leave him guessing at how you feel about him.

·         Men can’t stand ladies who don’t accept compliments. Though, such women are few.

·         If a man says that he loves you, don’t subject him to questioning. Monitor his actions if you are in doubt. Men hate to be doubted.

·         If a man cries in front of you, he is really in pain. Do what you can to ease the pain.

·         A man’s threshold for physical pain is much less than that of a lady. Think of the pain borne by women during childbirth.

·         Men like intelligent ladies; they have more initiative, of course.

·         Men like good food. It is often said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

·         Men can do crazy things to get the ladies they love. Think of the guy who shot a US president to show the extent he loved her.

·         Most men love their mothers.

·         Men like ladies in high heels. High shoes have a way of giving women attractive pose. The manner in which a woman walks, stands and sits have a lot to tell about her confidence at that moment. Wearing high shoes are known enhancements that even more strongly allow legs to evoke feminine sexuality and enhance female sexual power.   

·         Men don’t like ladies that flirt with their friends. It shows the lady has low self-esteem.

·         Men like ladies that are well groomed.

·         Men like ladies who are available but not too available.

·         Men don’t like dirty women. Clean and well dressed women are always pleasant sight to behold.

·         A man will try to get a lady, even if she rejects him at first. Men derive excitement tackling and subduing difficult task.

·         Men hate admitting they are sick. It is not a sign of a macho man; many men want to display. Men are conditioned to be tough, competitive and independent. When they don’t behave this way, they are bullied, ridiculed, shamed, ignored and looked down upon. Because of this, men suppress their feelings, hide their emotions, ignore their pain and never ask for help.

·         Man appreciates a woman who not only respects his need for space and time apart but is also comfortable with it because one of the biggest fears men have when they enter into a relationship is losing their independence. In order to reassure themselves that they are not trapped in a relationship and can still continue doing things that they love in life, men often feel the need to pull away and spend time alone.

·         Men hate going to the doctor. Except a man is very sick, he keeps away from doctors and hospitals. Most times, they are encouraged to go to the doctor by their loved ones.

·         Most men love children and will want children, eventually.

·         Most men enjoy outdoor activities such as hiking, football, camping. Most men are extroverts.

·         Men don’t like ladies who pretend. It is more appreciated if a woman can be herself instead of pretending to be what she is. If the man discovers he has been fooled he is likely to end the relationship, or will never trust such woman.

·         Men are flirtatious by nature. He feels good about you when you playfully flirt and are having fun. Try to be close to him so he does not see the need to seek other’s company.

·         Men like slim, shapely ladies. This is not absolute. Some men like women with curves but not the obsess type. So a woman should endeavor to maintain acceptable shape if she wants to keep her man. It is vital for him to see that you take care of yourself physically. That doesn't mean you have to be a supermodel. Being attractive more likely comes when a woman takes care of herself and stays healthy.

·         Men like sexy ladies. This why attract most men in the first place before they start to see the other virtues of the woman. How a woman looks is important in retaining a her man. Infidelity is sometimes triggered by the unattractive look of their wives or partners.  

·         Men enjoy lovemaking. When not satisfied with what is available at home, he heads outside. This is the greatest cause of infidelity. Once the wife can’t perform well in bed, the man is in most cases go out to satisfy their urge. 

Do You Need To Be Right? It Might Be Ruining Your Relationships

Lillian and Lawrence were having their first Skype session with me. Married for 12 years, they both stated that they loved each other but that they can't seem to stop bickering. In fact, within a few minutes of the session, they had started bickering. That was good for me to see. After 48 years working with couples, it takes me no time at all to understand what the problem is—especially when I can see it in action.

One of the central concepts I teach is that at any given moment, we are operating from one of two possible intentions:

• The intention to learn about loving ourselves and others.
• The intention to protect against pain with some form of controlling behavior.

The intent to learn in conflict leads to new understanding of yourself and the other person, which results in resolution. On the other hand, the intention to protect with controlling behavior generally leads to escalation of the conflict and prevents resolution.

It was obvious that both Lillian and Lawrence were intent on controlling rather than learning. Both were explaining, defending, lecturing, and doing everything else they could to prove that they were right and the other was wrong.

It didn't matter how major or minor the issue, they bickered over everything, and they were both tired of it. That's why they were consulting with me. They let me know that they were considering separation due to the constant bickering.

In the session, I asked them to pick an issue about which they often argue. They picked sex. Each person stated their personal issue: In their case, Lillian is rarely interested in sex, and Lawrence feels sexually rejected.

We started to explore this issue, and each time they started to bicker, I stopped them. I asked them both to soften, open themselves to learning, and become curious about themselves and each other rather than continue to argue, explain, defend, and judge.

They both noticed how hard it was for them to stay open and curious. They both realized how much they were each prioritizing being "right" or "winning" rather than prioritizing resolution and learning.

At this point, we stopped exploring the issue of sex. That was just a tool we used to get to the real issue. Then we began to explore why being right was more important to each of them than being open to learning. Here are some of the false beliefs they were each holding on to, which made them feel desperate to be right:

• "Being right means that I'm OK."
• "Being right means that I'm not stupid."
• "If my spouse sees that I'm right then he or she will change."
• "Being wrong means I'm inadequate."
• "If I'm seen as wrong I will be rejected."
• "The only way to be loved is to be right."
• "If I'm wrong, I will be in trouble."

We explored where these beliefs had come from. Both talked about their parents being judgmental and rejecting. They each learned as children that they had to do everything right in order to avoid rejection. It's no wonder they were so invested in being right in their relationships. Both Lawrence and Lillian were terrified that they'd be rejected if they were wrong. Ironically, by trying so hard to be right, they were losing their relationship.

Both Lillian and Lawrence made a conscious effort, as soon as they started to bicker, to stop trying to be right and to open up to learning. Of course, it took time to change their longstanding habit of trying to be right, but over a few months, they were able to learn from their conflicts rather than continue to bicker. And even without directly addressing the problems in their sex life, it improved. By trying to learn from each other rather than trying to prove each other wrong, they began to feel closer and more connected.

This article is by Margaret Paul culled from Mindbodygreen.

How Absence of a Father Affects Children

The father's influence cannot be administered by proxy. Growing children need the advantage of their father's presence even more than they need the extra money which he hopes to earn by being constantly away from home. The father's participation in his children's play and his counsel regarding their anxieties and problems gives them that confidence and perspective which is necessary to the building of well-rounded personalities.

The years of childhood pass so fast that the father must be on guard constantly lest he may deny himself the opportunity of spend time with his children and contributing his quota to their having a sense of direction in life. It is during these formative years that he has the opportunity to mold the character, outlook, ambitions, and philosophies of his children. Once the children are grown, he will have ample opportunity to resume his personal idiosyncrasies.

The man must not assume that the responsibility of parenthood rests entirely upon his wife. It takes both parents to provide proper home for the children to grow up. Even though the mother may spend more time at home it is the husband's home as well as his wife's. The children are entitled to the presence of their father as to that of their mother. Just as in the case of the mother-child relationship, so there are mutual benefits to be derived from the contact between father and children.

Obviously, itinerant father have very little influence over his children. And before he could hope to have, he would need to become acquainted with them. And before becoming acceptable to his influence, the children would have to be shown that his love for them is genuine and unselfish. Children need parents that love them and love each other as well. Studies have revealed that children who their father is always away stand the risk of abusing alcohol and drugs than other children. As adolescents make the transition to teenage years, mothers may realize their children are the focus of music videos, magazine adverts and peer pressure. Each trying to steal away parental influence; but alone she may be powerful to keep her children from these overwhelming distractions.

A mother may be watchful, but she can't be everywhere at once or remain awake all hours of the day. When she must monitor her children for signs of drug abuse, academic failure to mention a few, things may have gone out of hand. A single mother doesn't have the energy to challenge her teenagers at every turn; so she prioritizes her battles. While she attends to some others become full blown crises before they get her attention. When the father is around, the mother can get a nap when she tired knowing that her husband is keeping an eye on the children. Under constant watch, care, and concern, children are less likely to experiment with extremes of behavior when they know they have two parents to answer to instead of one.

A mother, however much she would want to, cannot supply what both parents would have as a unit when the father is away. A father's absence will affect the children in many negative ways, most notably by no providing a strong male role for emulating purposes. The absence of a father will hinder the emotional maturity of the children as they will only be seeing the emotions of one gender. There may be no man present to teach them what to expect or what is special about being a male as they grow up.

A father's presence or absence will have profound effect on his daughters as well. Female children may feel less protected without their father around, and have no one to show them how a man should treat his wife and family. Under the influence of a caring and present father, girls grow to womanhood exuding self confidence. They learn first hand the basic rules for male-female relationships by observing their parents. Without a father present, both girls and boys don't always get to see a relationship between a man and a woman working. They have nothing to compare their own relationships with as they grow up, and can end up with partners who take advantage of them.

Although mothers can effectively discipline their children, studies have shown that when a father is not present in a home, children are more likely to derail and exhibit bad and dangerous behavior. This may be because a father discipline is often more powerful and respected than a mothers, or because a single mother has less time and energy to keep control of her children. Neither can replace the other. A mother offers tenderness, but sometimes it takes the familiar deep baritone voice of a father to stop a child unnecessary crying. An older child may ignore a directive from his mother; but will respond to a father's authoritative voice with instant compliance.

Children without a father around them can experience a feeling of intense loss. Try as she might the most dedicated mother raising a child alone can only provide a role model interpreted from the feminine perspective. Both daughter and son will eventually understand that something is missing, especially when they see other children playing with their fathers and they have none. The absence of a father's influence is more noticeable in his sons, who often mirror their father's career, mannerisms, and life philosophies without any conscious consideration. Their father may be deceased, unknown, or absent due to divorce or separation. This creates a gap in what should be a supportive family unit for the growing children. They may feel rejected and unwanted by a father who is living, but does not want to have anything to do with them. Cases abound when children go looking for their fathers after many ages of separation. A father who was previously known to his children but either dies or goes away, leaves the impression of abandonment in the children's hearts. When a father was never known, children will always be left with the feeling that a part of them is missing.

Both mother and father bring different aspect into a family. With both parents around, the children will have more opportunities for fun, excitement, learning and laughter. One parent may be good at certain areas, such as literary works, while the other may be better at engaging the children in arts and crafts.

The lack of money can affect the well-being of a young child and his future. Even an absent father who pays child support will not provide as much money he would have done assuming he is still part of the family. A child without father is likely to be poorer, with fewer choices in life due to lack of funds. Children who don't have the support of a father are less likely to get qualitative education. This is due to the fact that they lack the funds to pay for good schools. They can't even further their education because they need to leave school as soon as possible to work so that they can assist their mother financially.

Without the joint efforts of the parents, children healthcare is often affected adversely. Health insurance may be neglected, and a mother is less likely to have the money to pay for treatment when required. The overall picture regarding how the absence of a father affects children is that they grow up with less of the standard of living they would have had had their father lived with them. They have less emotional support and discipline, less money to provide them with good health and education, and less inbuilt ammunition to use in future to combat events that may develop.

However, in the situation where the father is absent because he split up with his wife on grounds of incompatibility, children may be better off when their parents are living apart. The lack of a father is still a great loss, but living in a house full of violence may not be a better option.