A NIGHT WORTH CELEBRATING

That hot summer night

When you held me:

The sky became bluer

The moon more silvery

The songs of the birds sweeter

The air fresher

My senses tossed on

The rising tide of desire

Emotion crackled in my

Heart like a dancing flame

Amusement rained down on

Me like an instant shower

My muscles reacted by

Melting under the pleasure

Of the contact and my feelings

Became Indescribable, unthinkable,

Unimaginable, incredible

Romantic and sweet

Your touch left me besotted

My honey you’re the very fabric of

Every lofty vision I had ever

Formed of my ideal woman.

 With you in my arms

Words were unnecessary

To say I’m in love because:

Words are unnecessary to tell

A blind man that it’s raining

Like words are unnecessary

To tell a deaf that there’s war

Just like words are unnecessary

To tell a mad man that the

Market is ablaze

Love’s radiations from me

Penetrated places words couldn’t reach.

So please come closer because

Because any time you’re near

My eyes danced in ecstasy and

Your delicate fragrance twine

Through my senses entangling

My mind like a silken rope

Please come closer so that

 I can show you how much

 I care for you because

Wherever you are there I’ll be

Like two peas in the proverbial pod.

    

PLAN YOUR FAMILY BUDGET CAREFULLY TO AVOID FINANCIAL EMBARRASSMENT

After the exchange of the marriage vows a young couple begins to realize that it takes more than love to maintain a happy home. If the couple had savings before marriage, they are surprised to see how quickly these savings dwindles as they attempt to meet the basic needs of their newly established home. They find that their assumptions, before marriage, that there would be a substantial amount left over from their earnings were too optimistic. The wedding presents have helped a great deal, but there are some essential things needed that their friends and relations did not supply. Before they know it the young couple finds that they are spending more than they earn.

At first this disillusionment in financial matters is taken in good grace. But when it persists, then, there is anxiety, as they realize that their expenses will tend to increase rather than decrease as time passes. The clothes they had in reserve at the time of their marriage soon began to tear and would need to be replaced. Then as they considered the possibility of having children, they virtualized their expenses mounting rapidly.

Under any circumstances financial problem in a home constitute a major consideration. The amount of money available to a family and the way it spent determine the standards of living of that family. Thus the consideration of money is basic in the establishing and operation of all family policies.

Inasmuch as financial problems loom large and ominously even in what seem to be an average family situation, it can be worse in families in which there are complicating circumstances. In all families financial problems is potential social dynamite, which, if not properly handled may endanger the integrity of the family unit.

One of these complicating factors that worsen the financial problems in newly established home results from a situation in which the wife was used to a higher standard of living than what her husband’s limited income can now provide. This is a situation that should have received attention during the period of courtship.

Many young men have mistakenly assumed that they are being smart in asking for the hand of a rich man’s daughter in marriage, not realizing the difficulties the young woman who was accustomed to a standard of living far higher than what they can avoid would face. Under this circumstance, once the glamour of the wedding ceremony and the honeymoon have passed it is quite natural that the woman would ask her parents to come to her rescue.

As a result, parents-in-law problems may become superimposed upon the financial problems, and the young husband, even though doing his best to cope becomes embarrassed either because of his inability to maintain the standard of living to which his wife is used to or because of his feeling of insecurity if the wife’s parents choose to subsidize his income.

Likewise tension may develop when the reduction of purchasing power forces itself upon the young woman who was gainfully employed before her marriage but now chooses to devote her time to homemaking. Prior to marriage she was able to plan her expenditures and savings without having to give in to any interference. She was entirely in command of her own affairs and could purchase clothes and any of her needs without consulting anyone else. Now she is surprised to find that the cost of maintaining a home swallows up such a huge sum of her husband’s income that her purchasing power seems suddenly reduced to the barest minimum.

When a wife has more money than her husband, we have the situation in which the wife may more or less unconsciously force her husband into an attitude of comprise in financial matters. The husband is rightly spoken as the head of the house, and even though this should not give him any reason to resort to unreasonable domination of the home, it is desirable that he should be the leader in those matters which involve relationship between
n the family and the outside world. The macho man finds it hard to become adjusted to a situation in which his influence is entirely subordinated to that of his wife. Consciously or otherwise, it gets him down to play the role of performer on the second fiddle.

When some wives realize that they are unable to purchase those things which their hearts desire, it is more natural for them to think in terms of increasing the family income than giving up their cherished items. There are only two rational ways to imbalance a family budget: to increase the income to met the expenditures, or to reduce the expenditures to fit the income. Most of the women will assume that their husbands should be making more money for their families. Consequently, a common complaint which a wife makes against her husband is that he lacks sufficient enthusiasm to earn enough money to support the family adequately.

It is true; however, that there are different type of husbands – some are ambitious others are indolent. Some women are known to be extravagant so a wife’s inability to nurture her expensive taste cannot be used as a yardstick to judge her husband’s industry or ambition. If a husband is doing his best, he is entitled to the sympathy and cooperation of his wife in cheerfully accepting whatever circumstances may be imposed upon them by inadequate funds.

The husband could even become discouraged because of his wife’s lack of appreciation. Before making complaint that her husband is lazy, the woman should be sure that she is fully aware of the circumstances under which the man is struggling.

The counter-complaint which husbands tend to lodge against their wives is that they are spendthrifts and lack an appreciation of the value of money and their efforts. Here again the actual situation may be simply a cover for some deeper lying difficulties Just as there are all kinds of husbands so there are all kinds of wives- some extravagant and some frugal.

Perhaps some wives tend toward extravagance as a means of rebelling against their husbands’ unwillingness to take them into their confidence in financial matters. It is possible that their experiences in financial matters are so meager that they do not understand the basic principle underlying the necessary balance between income and expenditure. In either of these instances the problem should be subject to an establishment of absolute confidence between husband and wife to the extent that the two share the responsibility of maintaining financial equilibrium within the home.

Any couple living beyond their income, and incurring debts they have no means of paying, are burning out their self-respect and the respect of others, their peace of mind, their integrity, the character which is their capital, and inevitably, their chances of advancement and success.

The family relationship is a cooperative venture. If the couple has agreed that the husband should work while the wife looks after the home, then the money which the husband earns is not his to possess. Thus it is clear that the handling of funds should be mutually discussed, with the wife having a say.

How to get enough money is a very important issue. It is a universal problem. Most families never have enough money to meet their needs. Human wants and desires have a way of keeping always ahead of the source of income. Money is always scarce. The basic thing every family should direct its attention has to do with the best method of handling and controlling the money that is available so as to bring the expenditures within the limitations of the available funds.

A school of thought is of the opinion that the problem can be solved by the establishing of a family budget. So the first practical step is to establish a workable family budget. A family budget should not be a theoretical or idealistic sort of document. It should be a practical, workable document stating how the family funds should be appropriated. An important part of any successful budget plan is savings. This will help to prepare adequately for the future. The best homes are not necessarily those in which the most money is spent. The best homes are those in which the members are willing to compromise in order to ensure unalloyed happiness in the homes.

The couple must plan a time to sit down together and go over financial matters. They need to decide together what spending, saving, and budgeting plans are best for the family. Identify ways each of you can adjust or change to meet the common goal of financial responsibility.

In today’s materialistic world, you are always bombarded with advertisements encouraging you to have many wants. Some people cannot differentiate these wants from needs. They therefore feel they must have everything even when they can ill-afford them. You should not join this group of people. Make your purchasing decisions based on wisdom and sound financial practice, and carefully avoid decisions based on emotion or self-indulgence. If your husband’s income cannot accommodate a new car, make do with the old one until a new one is feasible. No matter what your family income is, you must put a limit on your spending in order to stay within the budget.

The family should have a budget based on income to control expenditures just like a large organization which operates under a budget control system. Every couple is different. In some families, the wife is the keeper of the finances; in others, the husband is; and many, money matters are handled equally by both spouses.

Saving is one of the principles of a successful marriage. In the absence of relevant knowledge of what to do in preparing a saving program, the counsel of your banker

should be sought to assist in setting up your program of savings. It is not how much you earn that matters; it is how much you are able to save. A good wife should be an excellent budgeter and a thrifty spender. When you establish a systematic program of savings, you are investing in your future and that of your children. You need to save some money for your children’s education.  Costs of education are increasing at a rapid rate. You may not save or invest adequately unless you do so systemically. The sooner you start, the less stressful it will be when the time comes for your children to go off to school.

A smart plan for the future will also evaluate the transportation needs of the family. The couple needs to discuss you they need two cars or one will do. If available transportation allows the couple to avoid the purchase of a car, they should be wise to do so. Several practical matters need to be raised when assessing the purchasing of a car: available fund, public transportation system, distance of office from home, arrival of children, and so forth. If a car is needed it will be wise to begin setting money aside for the purchase of the car.

Retirement may seem many years away to young couple, but prudent financial planning includes a retirement plan. Reliable financial planners are available for responsible counsel on the matter. Finding some insurance coverage for a young family in case the husband or wife becomes incapacitated is important.

Sound financial planning will also include meeting the medical bills of the family. As the family enlarges, the need for adequate coverage under any circumstances makes health consideration a vital issue in planning for the future. Many jobs provide health insurance or pay the medical bills of their employees. If this does not exist, such matters should be discussed and solution put in place.

The care of your aging parents will need to be planned for. To know and understand how your spouse feels about the finances for such need can be revealing and significant. No one can plan foe all events, other situations will be addressed as they occur.

Maintain as little debt as possible. Whatever financial mistakes you may have made in the past, start today to make amend by being responsible with the resources available to your family.

                   

SHE IS AN EPITOME OF WOMANHOOD ; SHE REJECTED RICHES FOR LOVE (EXCERPT OF VICTIM OF GREED)

After several attempts, Biola made for her father to see reason failed; we decided to rent a flat at Palm Avenue. After a week, I left Ajegunle and my home without a backward glance.  Her mother stood by us all these period. “Marry any man you believe can give you happiness,” she told Biola.

My parents objected to my living with Biola, but that didn’t stop me. I was bored stiff of staying with them in the one room apartment. I didn’t care to seek the advice of my friends because I knew they might discourage me, especially Kola.

One day, I visited home to collect my remaining loads. My father called me and asked whether I understood that Biola could never marry me.

“Chika, you want to marry Senator Harrison’s daughter without his consent? Just be ready to spend the rest of your life in jail. That’s if you’re lucky to be alive. If you want to commit suicide, why not find an easier and less painful means. It’s a terrible thing to want something you know you will never have. The bible described people like Senator Harrison in Psalms 73 verses 6 – 8. ‘Therefore pride serves as their necklace; violence covers them like a garment. Their eyes bulge with abundance; they have more than heart could wish. They scoff and speak wickedly concerning oppression; they speak loftily,’ he quoted. ” 

“She loves me. Her father has no right to tell her whom to marry. She’s an adult and knows what’s good for her.”

“Imagine the nonsense you’re talking. Many of you so-called educated children of today have no respect for our culture. Our culture demands that the father of a girl should give his daughter to the man he believes can take good care of her. If he doesn’t want to give his daughter to you, you better leave her alone.”

“Impossible.”

“Come son, a girl is not worth dying for. There are so many of them to choose from,” he said impatiently

“Biola is worth dying for.”

My father crossed his arms, his eyes sparked with irritation. “Okay. Go ahead and die.” His voice cut the air like the crack of a horsewhip.

“Dad, you don’t understand, Biola is a gem.”

“What do you mean by that? What is special about her?”

“She is considerate, well behaved, intelligent and humble. She knows I am from a poor home, but she refused to leave me for another man from a richer family. I love her because she’s an epitome of womanhood.”

“Do you know you’re risking your life by your continuous association with that girl against her father’s wish?”

“Yes, I know.”

“He is a child, he has only infantile judgment,” my mother said. “Nevertheless, if we don’t explain things to him now, he’ll never understand them.”

I carried my loads and took a taxi to Palm Avenue, leaving my poor mother looking bewildered. We started to live as husband and wife. We ate at a restaurant near our flat. Our happiness was however short-lived. I came back from work one afternoon to meet three heavily built men waiting in the flat. I froze. “Damn!” I muttered beneath my breath. I felt paralyzed and benumbed, but I soon recovered.

I could understand night robbery, but broad day robbery was more than I could comprehend. But if they were robbers, they would’ve collected what they wanted and left, I reasoned.

“Come gentlemen, what do you think you’re doing here? In the first place, how did you gain entrance into the house? In your own interest disappear before I raise alarm.”

“Shut your trap, motherfucker,” the shortest one snorted. “If you talk to us that way again I’ll knock out your teeth. We’ll do the talking and you’re to listen. And listen well. This isn’t a social visit.”

A shiver rode through my body. My bluff didn’t work.

“We’ve come to return Biola to her father. In your own interest desist from seeing her again,” the short man continued. “If you don’t heed this advice, we shall pay you another visit. Then we shall tear your arm from its socket and beat you to death with it. Henceforth your movement shall be monitored. You’re warned.”

Our gazes locked in animosity. “So Biola’s father hired you?”

“Shut up. Who hired us is none of your business. Just do as you’re told if you want to remain in one piece,” the one with a disfigured nose said.

Demoralized by the unexpected turn of events, I felt deep anger and frustration. “You’re raving mad. Has anybody ever suggested to you to see a psychiatrist?”

He crossed over to me and slammed his fist into my face with the force of a mule’s kick. I saw stars and was temporarily blind.We sat in silence while the thugs smoked marijuana. When the hands of the wall clock stood at five thirty, Biola entered. I heard the sound of her car, but there was no way I could warn her. Immediately she saw them her eyes popped out.

“Darling, it looks you’ve got company?”

“They’re not my friends,” I managed to say. “They’re thugs.”

“Please take away anything you want but spare our lives,” she said thinking they were armed robbers.

“It’s you we want babe,” the short one said.

Biola changed color. “What for?” She replied, surprising herself with the sharpness of her tone.

“Your father wants you back home.”

“I don’t want to go.”

“How dare you!” the short man continued. “How dare you betray in tawdry fashion your father who truly care for you and follow this bastard? Forget this bastard, he is only after your family’s wealth? For you,” he pointed at me, “You’ll pay a high price for your greed,” he warned. My relationship seemed objectionable because of my poor background.

“What does my father want to do with me? Marry me?” Biola asked sarcastically.

The men stood up and moved towards Biola. She tried to run, but where would she run. They surrounded her.

“Chika, please don’t let them take me away,” she begged, staring at me with a pleading look. I threw my hands upward and outward in a gesture of hopelessness. She began to sob hysterically. They carried her out to her car. Two of them sat with her at the back while the other sat behind the wheels. They gagged her. I stood at the door like a dummy.

“If you don’t stop messing around her, you shall soon meet with an accident,” the short man warned before they drove away, with the tires squealing. I sighed, wondering why there always had to be complications.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU FIND YOUR SPOUSE IS HAVING AFFAIR

How long have you been married? Has it been a good marriage? Do you fight all the time? Why? Have you caught your spouse having an affair? Can you forgive your spouse if caught? Do you want to end the marriage for that reason? After all the lies and deceit you can’t help but question what’s true and what’s a lie. Did your spouse ever tell you the truth? That day when he said he ran into traffic jam was he really with her? When she said she was going out with her girlfriends for dinner, did she really go out dancing with him instead? And perhaps the most terrifying question of all: Is your spouse out there right now, still lying, still cheating, while you are sitting at home hoping they are telling you the truth about their movement.

No matter what you tell yourself about your reasons for cheating your motivations are surely selfish. Nobody ever cheats for the sake of another person. Steven L Nock said, “A marriage is much more than the sum of two spouses. It is a relationship defined by legal, moral, and conventional assumptions.”

Patricia was probably the only person who did not know where James went, with whom and to do what. No one told her, the women said nothing because they did not want to upset her, and the men said nothing because they did not want to cause confusion in the family. This was the situation till Patricia found a love letter written by James’ mistress in his suit’s pocket, when she was trying to send it to the dry cleaner.

Pat’s heart sank as she turned over the letter and read the content. The letter was complimenting James for the wonderful time he gave her the previous weekend. But James told Patricia he was going on an official trip. She never suspected he was going away with his mistress for a weekend treat.

“Read this,” Patricia said, pushing the letter into his hand as he returned from work that evening. “Read this and tell me why you are doing this to me? Why, James?” she sobbed.

“What do you think?” he snapped back at her, feeling cornered. “I can hardly sleep with you in your condition, can I? You’re as fat as a cow; it makes me sick to look at you.”

“But James, having your kids caused this. Why must you hurt me so much when you know I love you so much?” She felt tears start in her eyes. “Don’t you love me anymore?”

There are many reasons couples cheat on each other, but this a topic for another day. When I asked Patricia what she would do now that she has discovered her husband was cheating on her, she said, “I believe that James has no reason to cheat on me, I have been a good wife to him, but I have decided to forgive him. This is because God forgives us when we sinned against Him, so if He forgives us why should I not forgive James? God has power to change people around and I believe He can change James. The solution is to go to God in prayers and have faith in Him.”

Stella had a different view. She said, “If my husband cheated on me, i wouldn’t kill him or leave him. I would want to be around to make him suffer for a long time.

Mrs. Williams has a different view. “I prefer my husband go to a prostitute than to another woman. Somehow paying for it takes intimacy away. It’s a physical thing rather than emotional connection. I’m not saying sex is not a sort of intimacy, but there have been many times in my marriage when I have experienced a far greater intimacy with my husband without sex ever coming into the picture. Those are the building blocks or romance to me. To learn that my husband established those same building blocks with another woman would negate the value of our individual experience together. That would be a crushing blow to me. If he does that, I’ll end the marriage. The idea of my husband sharing something so intimate with someone he knows will be more devastating. It wouldn’t just be that he had sex with someone. It would be more that he took the time to build a relationship and sharing on an emotional level before it culminated in sex. This is betrayal of the highest order.”

But Mrs. Lawrence disagrees. “It is dangerous to my health if my partner was sleeping around on me. If he cheats on me with a prostitute that means he could catch sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or even AIDS and get really ill or transmit them to me. He may probably get into a habit of going to a prostitute often.

Mrs. Anderson had a different view. “If my husband is going to cheat, I would prefer he cheat with someone he knows because at least I would know that it is with someone that has feelings for him and someone that he also has feelings for, the fact of the matter being that I will not be there to ever cheat on again.”

Mrs. Ezekiel said, “Well I’d have preferred that he doesn’t cheat at all, but since he is cheating, I would prefer that he cheats with a stranger and uses condoms. At least, with the stranger, he can avoid her, and run away from her more easily, but with someone he knows closely, he will have to face her all the time; especially if she is a co-worker and might fall into the temptation of sleeping with her again and again.

Mr. Okoli said, “If I catch my spouse cheating on me that is the end of the marriage. It is forbidden in my culture for a woman to cheat on her husband. If the woman cooks for the man, it could cause his death.”

Mr. Harold said, “If I discover that my wife is cheating on me, I’ll not only divorce her, I’ll knock out her teeth.” Men react more violently to discovery of cheating than women. Some men are known to have tried to deform their spouses by pouring acid on them or beating them almost to death.

There have been many instances that one partner killed the other for cheating. But this is very unnecessary. A woman in Benin City, Edo State in Nigeria in June 2014, invited her ex to her house so that they could reconcile. The man thought she was sincere, and he went. The

 woman poured gasoline on him and set him ablaze. Before help could come, the man burned to death. The woman was promptly arrested. She is now in the police cell, while the two children she had for the man are with relations. What a stupid act!

Collins and Coltran said, “To own something does not imply a bond to that particular item. Instead, it means that 1. You have a right to use it. 2. Other people do not have the right to use it, and 3. You can call on the rest of society to enforce your rights.”  Then Steven L. Nock in his book Marriage in Men’s Lives went further to analyze the above statement. “Sex in marriage satisfies these three conditions: husbands and wives have a right to sexual intercourse with one another, other people do not have a right to sexual intercourse with either of them while they are married, and either spouse can enlist the assistance of society to enforce his or her sexual rights for example, divorce or adultery charges.”

The new Encyclopedia Britannica reports that, “Adultery seems to be as universal and, in some instances, as common as marriage.” When all is out in the open, the faithful spouse may survive the nightmare, but his or her scars will not easily heal, and the damage done to the marriage may never be completely repaired. Extra-marital affairs can also take its toll in some long-term consequences that both spouses will have to deal with for many years, such as sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

I have tried to bring to the fore how some partners would react to the news that their spouses were having affairs. How will you react if you discover your partner is cheating on you?

PAINS ASSOCIATED WITH DIVORCE

When a husband and wife are divorced, they live with the stigma all the days of their life. Society sees divorcees as marital failures. They are regarded as men and women who cannot organize families. Some people might listen to their many self-exonerating excuses but not all.  Other people had the same problems but never considered divorce. Most people believe that divorcees lack the ability and self discipline to run a home. This dent does with the divorcees anywhere they set their feet.

            Secondly, the male divorcees are regarded as prospective wife snatcher just as the female divorcees are regarded as potential husband snatchers. The vogue is to treat divorcees with absolute caution. Such men and women have lost their innocence. Married couples are weary of them. They receive into their homes with apprehension before they negatively affect the marital bliss in their homes.

            Thirdly, divorcees lose intimacy with their children who according to the terms of divorce are in the custody of either one of the former partners. The

breakdown of family harmony and unity is the worst tragedy of divorce. The psychological trauma associated is irreversible. Children of divorcees are usually destabilized and disorientated. These negative factors give rise to immoral and criminal tendencies. Sociologists had claimed that this situation generates personality disorders and aggressive instincts.

            Fourthly, the future of divorcees is uncertain. Even when they remarry, the success of the marriage is unpredictable. Unusually history repeat itself and the marriage fail, because divorcees have premonition of failure and this mentality syndrome usually takes its toll. They require counseling to erase the phobia of failure.

            The best option is to avoid thinking of divorce. It is a catastrophe of monumental dimension. Happy marriage is not found in avoiding marital problems but rather in facing them and attempting to solve them.

                                    

            

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO PLAN FOR THE FUTURE OF YOUR FAMILY

In the early days, our fore-fathers gave birth, to many children to ensure that a good number of them survived hazardous childhood because then in fact mortality was astronomically high. But today, the situation is not as bad, though mortality in fact is still high in poor countries of the world due to the present deterioration in the quality of life. Disease like whooping cough, polio, tetanus, diphtheria, tuberculosis, and measles combined with malnutrition has claimed the lives of many children. The above listed diseases have also handicapped many. There are numerous cases of blindness, deafness and mental retardation. Measles has been said to have the highest potency in many African countries because most homes are usually overcrowded.

           

 The extreme poverty of these countries, monumental tragedy, rising unemployment and inflation can be blamed for this woe. The dangerously high rate of population growth in these countries is unaccompanied by complementary levels of economic expansion. It is very common in this part of the world to see peasants with many children and wives. I felt titillated when most enlightened women I spoke with on this topic expressed the desire to have only three or four children. They will contribute immeasurably in improving the living standards of their families.

            The world’s population is concentrated in Africa and Asia, two continents that are industrially backward in the world. Many demographers have been making some population projection for Africa and the figures have been staggering. Though, nobody can say for sure the exact number of Africans. The world food situation has been recognized as an immediate and complex problem. A recent food survey, conducted by the United Nations found out that a large percentage of the world’s people suffer from hunger, malnutrition or both –majority of them live in the third world or developing countries. And these are the areas characterized by rapid population growth and low income and resultant low purchasing power. Already about half of the African independent nations are the threat of famine. The food situation in Ethiopia, Somalia, Kenya, Uganda, Sudan, Chad, Burkina Faso, Mali, Mauritania, and Senegal can best be described as a profound human tragedy.

    The increased supply of food, particularly foods of high nutritional quality is required to improve the quality of life for many of our undernourished people. One of the greatest problems of poor countries is that many of them raise too many children without adequate income and plans on how to cater for them. This is why most people clamor for everything to be free. Even though they actually know that with the population and the present economic situation such free services are impossible.

            Babies are now being abandoned at alarming rate. This has proved that families should cut their coat according to their size. The melancholic ambiance and the world over do not encourage very large families. Fathers now go into tantrums whenever their wives mention that the food allowance is finished. This has caused bedlam scene of disorder because the man is finding it very difficult to maintain the large family he has raised.

            These countries have to be exposed to the benefits of family planning so as to make them accept it. In fact, the program should be intensified. China has already taken positive steps to check over-population. Abortion has been legalized and contraceptive pills are given free to women who need them. Other nations should not wait till the population poses a greater danger like in China and India, before they act. The action taken now is going to determine the quality of life of the next generation.        

THINGS TO AVOID IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR MARRIAGE TO FAIL

The rate at which marriages break up in this country in recent times has shown that it takes more than a signature in the register of a church and marriage registry to make a marriage. Evidence has also proved that the grandeur and splendor of a wedding celebration have no relationship with the stability of the marriage. And that divorce has been on the increase since wedding became an ego-boosting ceremony. Greater importance is attached to the delicacies to be served during wedding receptions than the solemn vows to live with each other until death separates them.

Why most couples go to the church to lie deliberately to themselves and God by making false pledges in the presence of a pastor and invited guests is baffling. Whenever I hear couples repeating after the pastor: “I ……… take ……… to be my wedded wife/husband to have and to hold, this day forward for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part.” I usually smile to myself, knowing fully well that the couple might be accomplishing a mere formality. It will be more realistic if the pledge is changed to: “For we stay, for worse we separate” because this is what is at the core of most people’s heart as they go for the marriage. Why then deceive ourselves with “till death do us part?”

            Even the absolute fidelity most couples pledge to each other on the wedding day is nothing but false. A day after the wedding, the men are back in the streets hunting girls like cats hunting for mice. I will like to mention here to the credit of the women that they are slower to become unfaithful to their husbands but once they start they rarely stop, which eventually leads to the breakage of many marriages.

            Most people marry without knowing their partners well and after the marriage has been contracted, they start asking themselves; “Have I not married the wrong person?” Some women marry men because of their wealth, regardless of their weaknesses, while some men would marry a girl because she is very beautiful or always well-dressed, all of them being blind to the unpleasant traits of their partners until they get married. It is then they start complaining when it is already late. I don’t see the present rate of divorce declining till our men and women begin to love their partners for what they are and not how much benefit they can derive from them.

Some women are so desperate to hook the man of their dream that they don’t mind engaging in acts of blackmail, character assassination, fighting of any opponent, making charms and many other devilish acts forgetting that things artificial are known not to have a long life-span. Dear would-be wife, if you eventually get the man to marry you, can you keep him?

            The commonest shortcoming of married couples is deception. Deception cannot last forever, it will eventually become apparent and when it does, a crisis of confidence will ensue. “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer.” 1 Peter 3:10-12. Most partners are unwilling to acknowledge their mistakes and shortcomings. A frank and prompt apology does much to ensure the respect and devotion of the spouse than does any attempt to ignore an injustice or resort to deception. But most people, especially the males, regard it as a sign of weakness to apologize.

            Another thing that breaks many homes is giving birth to too many children without adequate income and plans on how to cater for them. Married life is practical, so courtship should involve a practical approach.

HOW MOTHERHOOD CHANGES WOMEN'S CAREER

Women are no longer limited to the kitchen or stereotypical jobs like secretaries, and teachers etc. Some have condemned working mothers because they have gone out of the home to seek paid employment, but many have done so just to help meet the basic needs of the family. More women today are obtaining college degrees and are moving into professions previously regarded as men preserved. The bottom-line is that women can spend more money, more time preparing for a career that will ensure success, fulfillment, and financial security.

          Prominent among the agents which have a hand knowingly or unknowingly in the decisions that affects a woman’s career are parents, teachers, peer-groups, employers, career counselors, public opinion agencies, mass media proprietors and practitioners, and of course a woman’s husband and herself.

          The women ‘s Liberation Movement made tremendous contribution in securing equal pay and equal rights in the work place. Since they first started burning bras, women have continually demanded and gained footholds for equal rights in the work place and society. However powerful the women liberation may have been, women are still behind in the corporate world. It is common knowledge that women make less money than their male counterparts. For this reason, many women have put family plans aside for career plans.

          It is extremely difficult as a corporate executive to carry briefcase in one hand and a diaper bag in the other. Women who have worked to build careers and have paid their dues in a man’s dominated corporate world find it difficult to risk all they had put into their career to have a baby. Some of them see themselves as strong and independent, and fear a child would only

make them vulnerable and drag them down. Depending on the amount of time a mother takes off for maternity leave, her chances of advancing up the success ladder may be compromised or even impaired seriously.

In many countries of the world, legal advancements such as the Family Medical Leave Act in U.S. have tried to increase women’s opportunities to have career while still raising families. This notwithstanding in many countries women are still regarded as the nurturers and caregivers. They are the ones who are expected to stay home with a sick child. They are the parent who faces putting her career in the backburner in other to take care of some pertinent family domestic problems.

Some women still choose to have a modicum of each part of life, a chance to have children and still pursue a career. Yet, they too will have to make sacrifices. They will have to leave their children in the care of someone else for better part of the day, unless their job is the rare occupation that allows them to have their child nearby. There will inevitably be a time when she is forced to go for medical emergency, no matter how prolific her babysitters might be.

 The purpose of marriage, along with companionship and providing succor, is the perpetuation of the human species with a sheltered environment designed to ensure that a woman is not left to rear her child alone and that a man does not escape the responsibility of maintaining his offspring. For those women who decide, upon having a child, to take up motherhood as their career, there is ample evidence to attest to the positive impact it will have on their lives, and the lives of others, specifically their children’s. Children represent the ultimate protection of aged parents in a violent and troubled world.

 Preparing for motherhood is truly of utmost importance, although not necessarily accomplished by attending expensive lectures or reading every book there is in child care. Some women have made the ultimate sacrifice and walk away from it all to raise children. These women find fulfillment in the appreciation they receive from their children. These are the women that their careers are affected by motherhood. They throw everything away and become completely different people, in a new world, with new ideals. Variances in life situations may require some women to work in order to be able to afford to have children.

Motherhood is a permanent state of life for every woman, whether she realizes it or not. Whether she distances herself from motherhood all together, make concessions to have a modicum of both worlds, or devote her life completely to her family and walk away from corporate world, every woman has the unenviable task of balancing the concerns of running the world with populating it. Motherhood is a wonderful experience if a woman is lucky to experience it.

                                      
                    
                         

30 THINGS YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT MEN -ADVICE AND TIPS FOR WOMEN IN RELATIONSHIP

Many women are frustrated by the way the men they love behave. These tips might help you know things men like.

1.      Men like ladies with a good sense of humor.

2.      Men like teaching ladies new things. They are adventurous.

3.      Patience is very important when trying to attract a man.

4.      Most men don’t like ladies who are stronger than they are. Think of the women who always beat their husbands. Many regard it as a taboo. The men like to dominate not the other round.

5.      Men are more open than ladies. Women tend to be more secretive.

6.      Men don’t like to be out-shined

 by their partners. It might be selfish but it is true. This is why there is always problems in homes where the women are the breadwinners.

7.      Men don’t like girls who wear too much perfume. They tend to believe she might be hiding body odor.

8.      Men can’t stand ladies who don’t accept compliments. Though, such women are few.

9.      If a man says that he loves you, don’t subject him to questioning. Monitor his actions if you are in doubt. Men hate to be doubted.

10.  If a man cries in front of you, he is really in pain. Do what you can to ease the pain.

1.      A man’s threshold for physical pain is much less than that of a lady. Think of the pain borne by women during childbirth.

2.      Men like intelligent ladies; they have more initiative, of course.

3.      Men like good food. It is often said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

4.      Men can do crazy things to get the ladies they love. Think of the guy who shot a US president to show the extent he loved her.

5.      Most men love their mothers.

6.      Men like ladies in high heels. High shoes have a way of giving women attractive pose.

7.      Men don’t like ladies that flirt with their friends. It shows the lady has low self-esteem.

8.      Men like ladies that are well groomed.

9.      Men like ladies who are available but not too available.

10.  Men don’t like dirty women. Clean and well dressed women are always pleasant sight to behold.

1.      A man will try to get a lady, even if she rejects him at first. Men derive excitement tackling and subduing difficult task.

2.      Men hate admitting they are sick. It is not a sign of a macho man; many men want to display.

3.      Men hate going to the doctor. Except a man is very sick, he keeps away from doctors and hospitals. Most times, they are encouraged to go to the doctor by their loved ones.

4.      Most men want children, eventually.

5.      Most men enjoy outdoor activities such as hiking, football, camping. Most men are extroverts.

6.      Men don’t like ladies who pretend. It is more appreciated if a woman can be herself instead of pretending to be what she is. If the man discovers he has been fooled he is likely to end the relationship, or will never trust such woman.

7.      Men are flirtatious by nature. Try to be close to him so he does not see the need to seek other’s company.

8.      Men like slim, shapely ladies. This is not absolute. Some men like women with curves but not the obsess type. So a woman should endeavor to maintain acceptable shape if she wants to keep her man.

9.      Men like sexy ladies. This why attract most men in the first place before they start to see the other virtues of the woman. How a woman looks is important in retaining a her man. Infidelity is sometimes triggered by the unattractive look of their wives or partners.  

10.  Men enjoy lovemaking. When not satisfied with what is available at home, he heads outside. This is the greatest cause of infidelity. Once the wife can’t perform well in bed, the man is in most cases go out to satisfy their urge.