THE PROBLEM OF THE OTHER WOMAN

The other woman is that woman who ends up in a relationship with a man who is committed to another woman. “Slut”, “Tramp”, “Home wrecker”, and “Prostitute”, are all words and phrase used to describe the other woman. Many people are of the view that the other woman has no moral and no values. Lord Byron wrote, “A mistress never is nor can be a friend. While you agree, you are ‘lovers’ and when it is over, anything but friends.”

          It is understandable that the other woman become the target for the rage and anger of the deceived wife. Blaming the other woman keep the wives from having to take responsibility for the problems in the marriage, so they pretend that if it had not been for the other woman their husbands would never had had an affair. This is not totally true. The problem is, there would have been, it just would have been a different woman.

          Ambrose believed he had plenty of justification for his first affair. He was under continual pressure at work. Sandra was preoccupied establishing her career. Their lovemaking had become predictable and uninspired. Sandra had complained of his extra-marital affair. He had acknowledged his weakness and pledged never to stray again. But the first affair was followed by a second. And then another, and soon he’d run out of even lame excuses. Before he realized it his marriage was in danger of breaking because Sandra was not ready to tolerate his unfaithfulness.

          The problem was 
 that when Sandra was not aro

und to show her husband love, he sought relief in the arms of other women. However, Official Kirk Franklin wrote, “No wife in her right mind would be happy if her husband had another woman on the side.”

          While in other situations, men lie about their wives; making them out to be demons in order to lure the other woman into a relationship. Often of the time they are happily married, only a fun seeker. They are just bored and want the fun of eating their cake and having it back. It is not so much about sex as about the thrill of adventure.

          Trust in relationship should not be taken for granted, so when a partner betrays her/his spouse they have lost more than they could have imagined. What may at the time be justified as just a little thing, or something that happened only once, can cause damage that expands like ripples in a pond for years. Afters so many hurtful lies he/she has not only lost his/her trust in his/her spouse, but they have grown distant from each other. The intimacy is disappearing and they don’t know how to reconnect.

          “Five years ago my husband left me and began staying with a girl. Daily she put pressure on him to divorce me. Months passed – horrible, dreadful months. Whenever I tried to phone my husband, she answered the phone. She laughed at me, and never let me speak to him. After a year, my husband came back to me,” Mrs Jones told me.

          Mrs. Jones husband saw his lover as someone who offers up a new life, someone who will take him away from the burdens of having a wife and family. In the end, he discovers that all the old burdens and issues that came along with his family are the same, the only difference is, and the person he feels responsible to is different. The only thing that changed was the players, not the game.

Married men will say just about anything to keep that thrill going, even promising to leave their wives. If they don’t promise this, it’s because they have children who are keeping them at home. All of these are plausible excuses which the besotted other woman is happy to hear. But unfortunately these excuses are just a bundle of lies. Very few married men actually leave their wives and family for the other woman.

                   “Being the other woman was never my intention. The pain, anger and sorrow I had caused was my fault and I accept that. If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have done things differently,” Patricia said.

          Sometimes the other woman is also a thrill seeker, but in the long run many other women realize that the relationship has no future and manage to end it. This often happens at great cost to their reputations and careers. And the married man goes back home to his wife.

          “There was nothing sinister about being the other woman. I had been in that position many times. But experiences may have been a bit different from the true love stories. I had no qualms about being the tainted person that I was supposed to be. I don’t think my affairs happened by accident. I was in need of male companionship and I didn’t care if they were attached. It didn’t bother me that they had a wife and children,” said Pamela.

          What is really the crime of the other woman – falling in love? There are two people in every relationship, so why blame one person? After all, in most cases it is the man who approaches her for a relationship. The man is the one who is married and wrecking his home. He is the one lying and deceiving the other woman. If anyone should be blamed, he is the one. He is the home wrecker.

          In some cases when the women start relationships with a married man, they rarely know that he is married. He will woe them, pursue them and make them feel like the only woman for him. By the time they discover the truth, they have fallen in love. Even he acknowledges that he is married, he will lie he is at the verge of going through a divorce. He will claim to be desperately unhappy, lonely and create a feeling that there is future for the relationship to blossom into something serious.

          “Being the other woman can be a lonely game. You meet a man, fall in love and when it is too late you discover he is a married man. Then you start playing the cat and mouse game, hoping not to get caught by the wife,” a deceived mistress complained.

          Don’t allow the actions of your unfaithful husband cause you to feel ashamed or unworthy. Such feelings can lead to depression, self-loathing and anxiety. Whether your goal is to save your marriage or divorce your unfaithful husband, you need to keep a level head and develop good coping strategies. It is said that living well is the best revenge. So live well in a manner that helps you heal your feelings instead of causing you more pain.

          Some affairs are not a rejection of you but a rejection of his roles as husband and the restrictions marriage brings. You should not take it personally because it is not about you as a person. Given time and patience most affairs go down the drain. They are not reality, they are an illusion. The other woman is only showing her best side, she is being all she can be to your husband. Things artificial have short lifespan. No one can carry the act for a long time. Her true nature will show itself and the fantasy will wear off. When the other woman starts making demands, she will begin to feel as if he has another spouse to take care of instead of a lover.

Don’t make the other woman more important than she really is. She happened to be in the right place at the right time. She is not special. Your husband is looking for an affair, not looking for her in particular. She is not superior to you; she is simply different from you. You are his wife, she is only his lover. Your role as his wife outweighs hers. Spend time and energy focused on the problems in the marriage that led to an affair and find solution to those problems. Treat the cause of the ailment and not the symptoms. Once the cause of the ailment is arrested the symptoms will disappear.