KNOW YOURSELF

Good hard look at yourself

Your true self reveal

Stay focused in your heart

Listen to it and always

Let it lead you

Peel off your mud clothing

Think of what is left and

You may discover yourself.

Your true self is hidden inside

Like rubies hidden in a pile

Of worthless stones

Forget the outside

Listen to the inside

Unlace your mind

Clustered and overcrowded

Like Marina Street in Lagos

Full of discrepancies and

Swamp gas like gutters in Ajegunle.

Our sense of self is truly

Defined by the quality of

Our relationship with our

Inner self approachable in quiet.

THE PROBLEM OF THE OTHER WOMAN

The other woman is that woman who ends up in a relationship with a man who is committed to another woman. “Slut”, “Tramp”, “Home wrecker”, and “Prostitute”, are all words and phrase used to describe the other woman. Many people are of the view that the other woman has no moral and no values. Lord Byron wrote, “A mistress never is nor can be a friend. While you agree, you are ‘lovers’ and when it is over, anything but friends.”

          It is understandable that the other woman become the target for the rage and anger of the deceived wife. Blaming the other woman keep the wives from having to take responsibility for the problems in the marriage, so they pretend that if it had not been for the other woman their husbands would never had had an affair. This is not totally true. The problem is, there would have been, it just would have been a different woman.

          Ambrose believed he had plenty of justification for his first affair. He was under continual pressure at work. Sandra was preoccupied establishing her career. Their lovemaking had become predictable and uninspired. Sandra had complained of his extra-marital affair. He had acknowledged his weakness and pledged never to stray again. But the first affair was followed by a second. And then another, and soon he’d run out of even lame excuses. Before he realized it his marriage was in danger of breaking because Sandra was not ready to tolerate his unfaithfulness.

          The problem was 
 that when Sandra was not aro

und to show her husband love, he sought relief in the arms of other women. However, Official Kirk Franklin wrote, “No wife in her right mind would be happy if her husband had another woman on the side.”

          While in other situations, men lie about their wives; making them out to be demons in order to lure the other woman into a relationship. Often of the time they are happily married, only a fun seeker. They are just bored and want the fun of eating their cake and having it back. It is not so much about sex as about the thrill of adventure.

          Trust in relationship should not be taken for granted, so when a partner betrays her/his spouse they have lost more than they could have imagined. What may at the time be justified as just a little thing, or something that happened only once, can cause damage that expands like ripples in a pond for years. Afters so many hurtful lies he/she has not only lost his/her trust in his/her spouse, but they have grown distant from each other. The intimacy is disappearing and they don’t know how to reconnect.

          “Five years ago my husband left me and began staying with a girl. Daily she put pressure on him to divorce me. Months passed – horrible, dreadful months. Whenever I tried to phone my husband, she answered the phone. She laughed at me, and never let me speak to him. After a year, my husband came back to me,” Mrs Jones told me.

          Mrs. Jones husband saw his lover as someone who offers up a new life, someone who will take him away from the burdens of having a wife and family. In the end, he discovers that all the old burdens and issues that came along with his family are the same, the only difference is, and the person he feels responsible to is different. The only thing that changed was the players, not the game.

Married men will say just about anything to keep that thrill going, even promising to leave their wives. If they don’t promise this, it’s because they have children who are keeping them at home. All of these are plausible excuses which the besotted other woman is happy to hear. But unfortunately these excuses are just a bundle of lies. Very few married men actually leave their wives and family for the other woman.

                   “Being the other woman was never my intention. The pain, anger and sorrow I had caused was my fault and I accept that. If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have done things differently,” Patricia said.

          Sometimes the other woman is also a thrill seeker, but in the long run many other women realize that the relationship has no future and manage to end it. This often happens at great cost to their reputations and careers. And the married man goes back home to his wife.

          “There was nothing sinister about being the other woman. I had been in that position many times. But experiences may have been a bit different from the true love stories. I had no qualms about being the tainted person that I was supposed to be. I don’t think my affairs happened by accident. I was in need of male companionship and I didn’t care if they were attached. It didn’t bother me that they had a wife and children,” said Pamela.

          What is really the crime of the other woman – falling in love? There are two people in every relationship, so why blame one person? After all, in most cases it is the man who approaches her for a relationship. The man is the one who is married and wrecking his home. He is the one lying and deceiving the other woman. If anyone should be blamed, he is the one. He is the home wrecker.

          In some cases when the women start relationships with a married man, they rarely know that he is married. He will woe them, pursue them and make them feel like the only woman for him. By the time they discover the truth, they have fallen in love. Even he acknowledges that he is married, he will lie he is at the verge of going through a divorce. He will claim to be desperately unhappy, lonely and create a feeling that there is future for the relationship to blossom into something serious.

          “Being the other woman can be a lonely game. You meet a man, fall in love and when it is too late you discover he is a married man. Then you start playing the cat and mouse game, hoping not to get caught by the wife,” a deceived mistress complained.

          Don’t allow the actions of your unfaithful husband cause you to feel ashamed or unworthy. Such feelings can lead to depression, self-loathing and anxiety. Whether your goal is to save your marriage or divorce your unfaithful husband, you need to keep a level head and develop good coping strategies. It is said that living well is the best revenge. So live well in a manner that helps you heal your feelings instead of causing you more pain.

          Some affairs are not a rejection of you but a rejection of his roles as husband and the restrictions marriage brings. You should not take it personally because it is not about you as a person. Given time and patience most affairs go down the drain. They are not reality, they are an illusion. The other woman is only showing her best side, she is being all she can be to your husband. Things artificial have short lifespan. No one can carry the act for a long time. Her true nature will show itself and the fantasy will wear off. When the other woman starts making demands, she will begin to feel as if he has another spouse to take care of instead of a lover.

Don’t make the other woman more important than she really is. She happened to be in the right place at the right time. She is not special. Your husband is looking for an affair, not looking for her in particular. She is not superior to you; she is simply different from you. You are his wife, she is only his lover. Your role as his wife outweighs hers. Spend time and energy focused on the problems in the marriage that led to an affair and find solution to those problems. Treat the cause of the ailment and not the symptoms. Once the cause of the ailment is arrested the symptoms will disappear.

AFRICAN CHILD

Fragile look that comes

From years of not-quite-adequate

Nourishment the child has

Each day a brutal struggle

To survive.

In war environment created

By greedy and selfish leaders

A hand-to-mouth affair

With ragged arrogance

Looking like unchildlike child

With signs of physical exhaustion,

Depression and melancholy.

Raised from the mud and

Mire of poverty, starvation

And vicious abuse of power.

Beneath the brutalized surface

Is a sharp intelligence

Even when educated no jobs

No employment, no money

African child is not a bad child

But just one without adequate care.

Today being children's day 

May the fortune of African child

Change for better so that

He will see hope in his future

Not wars and despair

Not hunger and deprivation

Not weeping and gnashing of teeth

He is entitled to happiness and Joy

Good meals and clean clothes

Good accommodation and environment

It's possible if our leaders spend less

On wars, themselves and families.

HAZARDOUS SEA JOURNEY AFRICAN MIGRANTS TAKE TO EUROPE -EXCERPT FROM BETRAYAL OF TRUST

          Libya’s people smugglers were known as “Connection Men.”         The sea crossing was hazardous, taking migrants over Mediterranean Sea to the Italian Island of Lampedusa.  The bodies of would be immigrants were frequently washed up on some of the European countries or north African countries beaches after their rickety wooden or inflatable Boats capsized.

          Tens of thousands of migrants, mostly from sub-Saharan Africa, yearly attempted to reach Europe, often undertaking dangerous sea journeys in rickety Boats that smelled of nothing but sweat and piss and vomit.

          A month in Libya, Adesuwa, Osaro, Osai and others took to water and made their way to Lampedusa, where they were put back to sea for lack of valid traveling documents. After two additional months in Libya, Adesuwa, Osaro and others, still led by Osai, embarked on treacherous sea journey to the Italian Island of Lampedusa once more.  After enduring extreme hardship and the ever-present possibility that each day would be her last as they crossed the Sahara desert to reach Libya, she was no longer afraid of dying.  She had watched three people die in the desert.  However, she still hoped she’d make it, and she did.

          Soon they were surrounded by nothing but water. Adesuwa first sight of the sea – that unbelievable amount of water stretching to the far horizon, was difficult enough for her to comprehend.  In many ways she was excited by her entry into this astonishing new world but underlying all such feelings there was an ache in her heart.  She missed Nosa.

           The skyline was gone and the only thing she could see from the Boat was the sea.  At some places they sailed on a sea that was as smooth as glass and some places it was turbulent.  Some days the weather was too lousy, the

Boat felt like going under at least three or four times a day and they were frightened.  It was a life threatening journey.  While they were crossing the sea, the waves were high at many spots and water came into their Boat.  They, however, were able to make it to the other side.

          In the Boat, Adesuwa had discussion with some immigrants why they were going to Europe to take their minds away from hunger because there was little food on the Boat.     

          “I am going to Europe for survival, for my family’s survival.  I hate the situation where we go to bed hungry.  And I will do anything within my power to prevent it, whether it means scrubbing floor on my hands and 

knees or even selling my body,”  Anita, a sixteen years old Ghanaian girl declared.

          “I lost my father to AIDS and I left my mother living with HIV and four younger ones.  There is no help for us in my country so I decided to go over to Europe with the hope of securing a job,” Raska from Uganda said.  

          “The war in my country has made life unbearable.  The Al Shabab killed my parents and a brother.  I’m seeking asylum in Europe,” Ibrahim from Somalia said. “I have no one to help me, but a lot of people I must help.”  He saw no future in his impoverished homeland.

          “All the member of my family except my mother has been killed by the Janjanweed.  The world is watching after they will declare the massacre in the Darfur region of Sudan a genocide as they did in Rwanda after all the people have been killed, instead of doing something now to stop it. Government forces and Janjanweed have destroyed my village completely.  I’ve not finished high school because of the war.  I’ve been living in a refugee camp in Niger for almost a year.  The Janjanweed just kill, kill and kill,” Manni from Darfur complained.

          “When will this rush to Europe end?”  Adesuwa asked.

          “It’ll not end; until development brings more prosperity and more jobs to Africa – one of the greatest challenges of our times,” Osaro said.

          “How can there be development in Africa with bad leaders everywhere.  Tyrants, corrupt and sit-tight presidents are everywhere.  Even when they have outlived their usefulness, they do everything including killing as many people as possible to remain in power as it is the case in my country,” Morgan from Zimbabwe complained.

          “The developed countries need to do more to help African countries.  There should be actions not speeches if the situation is to change.  They have

to help fight corruption in the African continent --- help stop a few people collecting what is meant for all.  I see no future in my impoverished country hence I am here risking my life in search of a greener pasture.”   George Johnson from Sierra Leone contributed.

          Then the waves became high, and water came into the Boat attempting to capsize it. Adesuwa’s heart sank. The evening just took a turn for the worse. They had to abandon their discussion to rescue the Boat.  They started to bail water out of the Boat. The hair lifted on the back of her head. Her mind was racing, thoughts crashing into one another, like ocean waves.

          When the threat was over, everyone was exhausted and cold and intent on his or her own survival.  But what Adesuwa noticed most of all was the eerie silence.  No one spoke, no one made a sound.  They were all too deeply moved by what they had seen, too cold, and too afraid, and too badly shaken.  Even the children seldom cried, except for the occasional wail of a hungry baby.

          Adesuwa watched the flying fish scattered before her, marveling at the distance they flew before diving back beneath the waves.  She watched the sky grow steadily bluer as the heat sapped her strength.

          After three days, Adesuwa’s eyes could no longer open for more than a minute at a time during the hours of daylight.  Many passengers had blistered faces, sunken cheeks, and they moved unsteadily on dragging feet.  The black ones became darker without burns.  Adesuwa was in no better shape than any of her companions and hope had died in her.  The drinking water had finished.  All their containers were empty.  By the fifth day, she could hardly swallow food because her throat was too dry.

          On arrival at Lampedusa, some of the immigrants were taken away on stretchers weak and emaciated with arms burnt by the sea salt.  Adesuwa and Osaro were among those that arrived in fairly good health, needing only little medical assistance.  Some of the immigrants arrived dead including one girl that had been traveling with Adesuwa and Osaro.

                   

TO SMACK OR NOT TO SMACK A CHILD

There are three areas of discipline and there are progressive. First educate, then warn, and then correct. After warning comes the correction. You can’t correct a child for something if he has had no instruction on what to do. He can’t read your mind, and he doesn’t automatically know what is right or what is wrong till he has been told. However, if after proper instruction and warning, and he persist in disobeying, you need to make him realize that you are the authority and he must do as you say. If you instruct and warn then do not follow through, you are training your child to question whether what you say is really what you mean.

Then say to him, “My child, you have done a wrong thing. I don’t like spanking you, but I must correct you for a happy life. If you don’t learn respect now, you will have endless troubles at school and with your future employers. Because I love you I must give you some whacks with this stick; just to remind you to show respect.

It is written in Proverbs 29:17 “correct your son and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.”  And it is also written in Proverbs 23: 13-14 “Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with rod, and deliver his soul from hell.”

Then use the stick lightly on the buttocks. Never beat a child very hard and never on the head. The safe place to spank a child is on the buttocks. You love your child and only trying to correct his wrong behavior, so get rid of that anger before you scare the child to death. Your objective is to bring the will of the child into submission so he will learn obedience, but not to break his spirit.

There is a right time and a wrong time to use the stick. The right is when the child is disobedient. Willful disobedience is when a particular rule has been clearly defined and warning issued of consequences of breaking it, and the child disobeys. You told him, “Take this dish to the kitchen,” but he chooses not to do it, you can fetch a little stick. He knew what to do, but decided not to obey.

Secondly, when a child shows disrespect – being impolite, talking back or lying. Punishing a child for improper behavior without dealing with his negative attitudes is like using cutlass to cut the dandelions in your compound. Outwardly it appears that they are gone, but the roots underneath will soon produce new shoots. A child who is characterized by selfishness may become an adult who is obsessed by material wealth to the degree that he doesn’t care whom he hurts or whom he tramples to get what he wants.

The wrong time to use the stick is when the child has forgotten to do something, or made a mistake. For example, if your child accidentally breaks something, you can make him do some extra work to pay for the thing so he learns to be more careful; but don’t go for the stick, because he didn’t choose to disobey. It was an accident.

Never double punish by spanking and at the same time sending the child to his room or removing privileges. If you have spanked him, consider the punishment over. However, if he has failed to do an assignment as stated above, he should be made to do it.

When correction is necessary never do it in a public place or in front of guests, or in the front of your child’s friends. You could be doing an emotional damage to the child’s ego. Always get alone with your child to discipline.

BRING BACK OUR GIRLS KIDNAPPED BY BOKO HARAM

On April 14, 2014 Boko Haram extremists invaded the Government Secondary School, Chibok in Borno State, brought out over 200 girls from their dormitories into an open space and ordered them into a line of trucks, set the school on fire and drove off with their captives. Unchallenged. By the time the gunmen completed their atrocious mission, it was April 15. The extremists who wore military camouflage pretending they were there to rescue the students against attack from the Bko Haram extremists. But after they had gathered them, they started to shout “Allah wa kubar!” That was when it dawned on the young girls they were in the hands of the extremists.

Distraught parents on hearing the tragic news hired motorcyclists, bows and arrows in their hands headed for Sambisa forest, where the girls was believed to have been taken. They never got there. They were warned by villagers that daring to go on was nothing but suicide because the extremists were heavily armed.

Devastated Kashim Shettima, Governor of Borno State rushed down to Aso Rock, the seat of power of Nigerian President to tell a heart-rending story of how over 200 girls were snatched off their hostel by Boko Haram insurgents. Incredible it sounded but it was true.

 It is a month, and the parents of 234 high school girls abducted in Borno State in Nigeria don’t know where they are. You can imagine the pains in their hearts. The chief of the Chibok community in Abuja, Hosea Sambido, said the uncertainty left mothers in his home town unable to eat and had forced fathers into the bush in desperate search of their daughters.

Parenting is one of life’s greatest responsibilities. As soon as God bless a couple with children, there is an automatic transformation that demands a great deal of responsibility to God and society to ensure that the children are properly nurtured and cared for in the home until they are adults.

This process of practically nurturing and caring for children includes: housing, clothing, feeding –physical and spiritual feeding, counseling, guiding, monitoring, protecting and educating; that adds up to balanced and responsible parenting.

Education is universally acknowledged as the vehicle of development in any society. No nation is known to have developed without quantitative and qualitative education of her citizens irrespective of gender. Girl child education is as important as that of the male children. It has been proved beyond doubt that intelligence is not gender specific.  

They had murdered many students by attacking their dormitories in the night when the students were asleep. The leader of the group, Abubakar Shekau appeared on a video Monday, May 5, 2014 claiming responsibility for the abduction and threatened to sell the girls into slavery. .

 After the Shekau’s video of the abducted girls, there was a global outrage, with world leaders and celebrities joining the campaign for the girls return. The United Nation Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon, Pope Francis, President Barrack Obama, Obama’s wife, Michelle Obama,  Clinton’s wife and former US Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton,  Bill Gates,  the former Secretary General of United Nations Kofi Annan, British Prime Minister David Cameron, and Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani schoolgirl who survived a shooting by Taliban insurgents, have joined the push for the rescue of the Chibok girls. UNICEF and Amnesty International and celebrities including Wyclef Jean, CNN anchor Christine Amanpour, and Chris Brown and actors Sean Penn, Ashton Kutcher, Justin Timberlake and Bradley Cooper have also joined the campaign of #BringBackOurGirls which is now in twitter.

 The United Nations promptly warned the group that that will be crime against humanity. President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan of Nigeria on May 6, 2014 accepted the offer of President of the United States, Barrack Obama to send experts to assist Nigeria’s troops toward rescuing the abducted 234 high school girls in Chibok, Borno State. The Department of State, in a factsheet released by the Office of its Spokesperson in Washing DC, quoted the Secretary of State John Kerry as saying: “The kidnapping of hundreds of children by Boko Haram is an unconscionable crime, and we will do everything possible to support the Nigerian Government to return these young women to their homes and to hold the perpetrators to justice.”

British Prime Minister David Cameron said on May 14, 2014 in parliament: “Today I can announce we have offered Nigeria further assistance in terms of surveillance aircraft, a military team to embed with the Nigerian army in their headquarters and a team to work with United States experts to analyze information on the girls location. The world is coming together not just to condemn it but to do everything we can to help the Nigerians find these young girls.”

There have been many protests in many Nigerian cities such as Ibadan, Kastina, Osogbo, Lagos, Jos, Abuja, and other cities across the globe like, Washington, Los Angeles, Dublin and London, demonstrators have put on red T-shirts to draw attention to the girls’ plight, demand for their release, and vent a deepening sense of anger. Further protests are being planned in South Africa, Jamaica and Switzerland.

The Special Representative of the United Nations Secretary General for West Africa, Said Djinnit, has said the abduction of over 200 girls in Chibok is unacceptable. “The abduction of school girls in Chibok on 14 April has been widely condemned by the United Nations including the Secretary General and the UN Security Council. I wish to reiterate the strong condemnation by the United Nations of this unacceptable act of innocent girls. I wish to reiterate the United Nations’ solidarity with the abducted school girls and their families, the people and Government of Nigeria.”

Some Nigerians have taken the opportunity to engage in partisan bickering –playing politics with every sorry national disaster. The sensible thing to do is for all Nigerians irrespective of religious or political affiliation to join in the campaign to #BringBackOurGirls. They were being held captive in the wild Sambisa forest in Borno State, where Boko Haram has a heavily armed camp of bunkers, tunnels, ramshackle buildings and tents. But security has it that they has been moved. Two of the girls have been reported dead from snake bite and twenty others are ill.

Northern governors’ wives at the 14 meeting of Northern Governors’ Wives Forum (NGWF) held at the Nasarawa State Governor’s Lodge, Asokoro, Abuja said: “We must ensure members of this terrorist group and their sponsors are brought to justice.”

President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan has ruled out freeing Boko Haram prisoners in exchange for the release of the kidnapped school girls. The pain in the hearts of these girls’ parents who thought they wanted to bequeath the best legacy to their children before the agents of darkness abducted them must be unbearable. However, it is consoling that foreign teams of experts from United States, Britain, Israel, and France are in the country to assist the security forces in tracking them down. Let all of us join the clarion call: “#BringBackOurGirls.” 

HELP SHAPE YOUR CHILDREN'S PERSONALITIES

Parents are entrusted with the very important responsibility of assisting their children in shaping of their developing personalities. Some parents take this responsibility casually and permit their children to grow up with little or no guidance that would have enabled them to make the most of their personal capabilities. Are you training your children in what is right, or are you allowing them to flounder about on their own? Do you think they will know automatically what is right? Children need to be taught. Other parents approach to the matter of child training may be arbitrary and heartless in their dealings that their children misunderstand their good intentions and rebel against what they believe is wickedness on the part of their parents.

            Between somewhere in these two extremes there should be an ideal parental attitude which is considerable that there can be no misunderstanding of the good motives and wisdom that the children should be spared the mishaps and heartaches which comes to the young persons who have to explore life on their own.

            Success in child training involves the development of an attitude of mind of the child, in such a way that he respectfully accepts the counsel of the parents and welcomes their interest in his decisions and welfare. Parents must therefore implore such methods and approaches as will give the child positive proof of their unselfish interest in his affairs because it is during teens that he builds the framework into which his later life must fit. The opportunities that will come to him in life – both social and material will depend upon what kind of character he chose for himself while in his teens.

From childhood to adolescence a child craves the affection of his parents. Parental affection is to the developing child‘s personality as sunshine is to the developing plant. With affection the child’s personality becomes healthy, symmetrical, and colorful. Without affection it is dwarfed, distorted and drab.

            Nothing is more pitiful than the children who are deprived of the evidence that they are loved and wanted. Such children feel alone in the world, and insecure. When in trouble, they have no true source of comfort. They naturally resort to using childish and questionable means of attracting attention and demanding recognition. Even as they grow into adulthood they are haunted by unconscious conviction that they have been deprived of their human rights. They are constantly on the defensive as they harbor the grudge that the world owes them something. This is the feeling that normally leads to criminal activities.

            But the set of children who have experienced the continuous warmth of their parents’ affection develop a friendly attitude toward those around them and toward the world in general. They feel secure in their parents’ love and harbor no misgivings as they reach the age when they must make life’s major decisions.

            Some parents have been confused in their thinking and have assumed that the best way to show affection for their children is to avoid any form of discipline allow the children to grow up as they please. Actually, children who are allowed to follow their own inclinations without parental supervision and guidance leave them at such disadvantage in their dealings with life’s problems that they find themselves constantly in trouble in the world. They not only fail to respect their parents, in spite of their indulgences, they also fail to respect constituted authority. They develop the habit of being in conflict with the norms of the society. The parents who indulge all their child’s wishes may call it love but the family therapist will call it irresponsible parenting.

            It is vital that married couples are in agreement concerning the discipline of their children. Lack of unity presents confusing picture to the children, and soon they discover that their parents don’t enforce the same rules. Insecurity ultimately develops in the children because they don’t understand what is expected of them. They tend to alienate themselves from the stricter parent and disrespect the lenient one. Because children learn best from repetition, it is important that you not only agree on rules of discipline, but be determined to carry them out each time the need arises.

            The start some rich parents give their children amount to setback. I have heard some of them say: “I am going to see to it that none of my children will have to struggle in life.” This kind of thinking can only lead to disaster. Your children need to stand on their own feet instead of being provided with crutches. They need self-reliance if they are to be strong and sustain success.

The three areas of discipline are progressive. First educate, then warn, and then correct. Children don’t know what is best for them, but as a parent you do. Children must be taught what is acceptable and what is not. That is the education part of the training. Point out to them the advantages of accepting life’s responsibilities at an early age. Your goal is to make your children to be wise. Eventually they will make the right decisions without your instructions, but while growing up they need to be trained In right thinking.

            As the children grow older, the amount of responsibilities entrusted on them should be increased and the magnitude of the decisions they are expected to make should be enlarged. They should be shown how to benefit by their mistakes, and be brought to the realization that an occasional mistake is inevitable. But to repeat the same mistake is an evidence of immaturity and instability. Train your daughters to be good wives and mothers. Begin when they are young as they mature, give them one night a week to prepare the family’s meal. This will give them invaluable experience and self-assurance. Chances are that they will turn out to be good wives and mothers that know how to run a home.

            Some children have been dominated by their parents to the point that they are so frail and do not have the energy and the drive to explore the outlets for their energy and therefore have been forced into a rigid regime. These children are being deprived of the very training that would give them the stability of character necessary to meet the problems of the future. Or the children may become conformists and accept the domination of their parents as being the best way out. With the conformist attitude they will be in a poor way to direct their lives once their parents’ influence is removed. For lack of other direction they will accept the decisions made for them by associates and would-be friends. They will be susceptible to following the crowd and their friends will have no trouble enlisting their support. Thus they will be tossed to and fro by the whims of others and driven from one mistake to another without the ability to square themselves with the demands of life.

            It is good for parents to treat their children as though they were a little older than they really are. This will please the children and stimulate them to cooperation and to the development of the more mature habits of conduct. When the children are given full recognition of their progress toward maturity, they feel freer to confide in their parents and thus give opportunity for their counsel.

            Parents should be extremely careful never to embarrass their children by repeating to someone else the things that they were told in confidence or the intimate questions that have been asked. It is also the parent’s duty, however, to help the children understand the difference between facts and fantasies.

            The parent’s example is unquestionably the greatest single influence in determining the children’s policies of living. When they observe that their parents unhesitatingly tell the truth, in spite of consequences, they will willingness adopt the same policy.

            When the rules have been laid down, stick to them. Be consistent, and punish when necessary. Be honest when you have made a mistake, apologize for it and expect them to do the same. Children and teenagers learn more by what you do, than what you say, so discard, ‘don’t do as I do; do as I say,’ policy.

            In order for parents to deal justly and successfully with their children, they must present a united front in matters pertaining to home policies and parent to children relationships. Even when one parent disagrees with the method used by the other, he should refrain from expressing his opinion until the two parents can be alone. In counseling together, they should agree upon a policy by which their children are to be reared. And in the development of such a policy they must be willing to give and take, realizing that if they take counter decisions their best efforts will only be defeated. A compromise, as long as it is within reason, is better than the unhappy results which are sure to follow the children’s knowledge that their parents are not in agreement.

ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION -EXCERPT OF NIGER DELTA MILITANTS

Members of the Senate Committee on Environmental and Ecology went on fact-finding mission in Niger Delta. They wanted to have first-hand information about the environmental degradation in the region, after many petitions had been received from the people of the area complaining of the destructive effect oil exploration and exploitation was having in the environment and their survival.

Orient Petroleum Development Company and other oil companies went to Abuja regularly with projectors and screen to deceive the lawmakers, painting very glorious pictures of their activities in the Niger Delta. The region was badly polluted by their operations but that didn’t stop them from thinking they could lock truth up all nice and tidy.

The young sun, had, just risen from its bed beyond the horizon; when they embarked on the inspection. They were in a Shetland boat with inboard engine. The boat was preceded by a gunboat and equally followed by another to provide security for the lawmakers. Kidnapping had turned into a profitable business of the Niger Delta militants.

They saw some canoes navigating Niger Delta’s highly polluted creeks paddled by fisherfolks, with few catches from several hours of fishing effort.

The environmental devastation wrought was huge, as damaged pipelines spew oil frequently. The waters of bunkering sites visited by the committee were coated in a thick film of crude oil. One of them was Iko creek which snaked through thick mangrove swamps in the heart of Nigeria’s Niger Delta. Dugout canoes with frustrated looking fisherfolks glided over the brackish waters.

At some spots, young children stood in the shallow water drawing in nets which had ensnared tiny silver fish. A dozen of men, who just arrived from fishing, were pulling their boat onshore, and women waded through the water to meet them, helping to bring in the morning’s catch, but were unhappy by the poor catches of their husbands.

“Fishing is everything to our people,” Lucky Dinne said as they traveled down the water together, “but there are fewer fish and they are getting smaller every year.” Lucky Dinne was the man nominated by the community to show the senators around.

Gliding down Iko creek, Lucky Dinne pointed out an abandoned drilling platform and rusting pieces of industrial machinery. They listened to the squawk of the river birds and laughter of children washing shrimps in wicker baskets. “The impact of pollution has been terrible and invades every aspect of life here. Crude oil has leaked into the creeks, and acid rain from gas-flaring has polluted our drinking water,” Lucky Dinne explained.

Here and there on the banks, people coated in oil waded through greasy mud in patches of landscape blackened and stripped of the thick vegetation that made Nigeria’s oil-producing areas so hard to police. And a difficult assignment for the JTF.

Little of this fragile wetland environment had been untainted by oil. Blackened mangroves that died slurping spilled crude from polluted waters blighted the landscape. 

The sight of a woman, standing ankle deep in polluted swamp, sieving fermented cassava in the crude-oil-laden mangrove, moved the Chairman of Senate Committee on Environment and Ecology, Senator Biodun Taiwo to tears.

Senator Biodun Taiwo beckoned on the woman, sieving fermented cassava to come ashore but she was afraid. The middle-aged woman, who never saw such well-grooved men and women, was afraid. She refused to come closer until Lucky Dinne spoke to her in her own native Andoni language. When she eventually came out, she narrated how the polluted water was the only source of water in the area; as a result she had to use the polluted water to ferment cassava, despite the health implications of eating cassava meal processed with the water. Also in the polluted mangrove, trying to eke out a living, were another woman and a young boy, trying to catch non-existing fish.

The committee next port of call was Egita community in Ogba/Egbema/Ndoni Local Government Areas of Rivers State. Egita was where gas eruption had occurred. Residents of Egita community did not hide their displeasure over the pollution of their ancestral land from the visiting senators.

“There are no conscious efforts to make the environment safe, let alone, compensating those, who have been driven out of their ancestral land. Egita community is also angry that many years after exploration of oil and gas in the area, the oil company has refused to contribute to the development of the area,” Lucky Dinne complained.

Members of the committee were later taken to the gas eruption site, which was deserted. The area had been declared dangerous and ‘no-go zone’ by the oil company. Signboards were erected around the area with inscriptions like, ‘No smoking,’ ‘No GSM,’ ‘No motorbike,’ ‘No flame,’ ‘keep-off,’ these signs were strategically placed for all to see.

“The eruption had damaged crops, buildings and the air is polluted,” Lucky Dinne said.

The eruption was traumatic. He listed its effects as loss of aquatic organisms and wildlife, prevention and denial of farming activities, loss of vast land, measuring about 157 hectares, destruction of economic trees and cash crops, increase in death rate after the eruption and other health problems.

“Aging pipelines, cress-crossing the jungle landscape cannot cope with pressure of oil being pumped through them, with disastrous consequences on the communities. This area was known for catching fish in commercial quantity, but for the past 20 years, there had been hunger, and poverty, untold and unmitigated suffering resulting from the pollution,” Lucky Dinne lamented.

The visitors were overwhelmed by the sight of the polluted sites. No compensation had been paid and the environment wasn’t cleaned up by the multinational oil company.

 “In other parts of the world, sabotage or no sabotage, once there was oil spillage the oil company cleaned up the environment and pay the community affected some compensation. What we see here is deception and negligence collaborated by our privileged people after collecting bribe,” Lucky Dinne complained.

“The roughly 20 million indigenes of Niger Delta are the unfortunate victims of the environmental devastation caused by decades of reckless exploitation. Much of the natural gas extracted in oil wells in the Niger Delta is immediately burnt or flared into the air at a rate of approximately 2.5 billion cubic feet per day. This is equivalent to forty percent of African natural gas consumption, and forms the single largest source of greenhouse gas emissions on the planet. The issue of climate change cannot be adequately tackled without first addressing the problems of the region,” Lucky Dinne revealed gruffly.

“The degradation in this region demand atonement, the people of Niger Delta need empowerment and urgent economic emancipation, and the environment must be kept sufficiently green for life to continue. We have seen things for ourselves. When we get to Abuja, we’ll make sure the situation in the Niger Delta changes for good,” Senator Biodun Taiwo promised.

The Chairman of Senate Committee on Environment and Ecology, Senator Biodun Taiwo queried the Orient over the quality of its remediation done on oil spills sites in Niger Delta communities. He was annoyed that there were no remediation signs in the areas where Orient claimed it had cleaned up with the video the committee members had been shown in Abuja.

                                               

CHARACTERISTICS OF IDEAL MOTHER PART 2

An ideal mother must be able to cope with crises. Immature mothers tend to collapse when a crisis occurs. If you experience crisis with regularity, you likely are not mature. You may be reacting to life instead of being in control. There are, of course, crises that descends on you, and you may have little or no control over them. Motherhood guarantees crisis situations. Learning from them, remedying their causes, and refusing to let them make you grouchy or even nervous are great achievements.

Disciplinarian

A mother is a disciplinarian. A disciplinarian teaches what is right from wrong and some guidelines for discerning what makes any given act or thought right. To be effective discipline must include establishing healthy controls not denial. A mother should hold her child to high standards, establish clear rules of behavior, and enforce these strictly and consistently. When the child misbehaves, she makes every effort to explain why the behavior was inappropriate. When reasoning fails, however, she does not hesitate to assert her authority. A mother should not enforce one rule at a time but let it slide the next time because she is tired or she wants to avoid confrontation. When she is not consistent, her child will see any discipline as arbitrary.

Cab driver

Taking children where they need to go makes a mother feel, many times, as if she is running a cab service. Schedule with your children enough activities to enrich their lives but not so many that both of you are over-burdened. Most times, it’s a mother that takes the children, to school, and brings them back. She also takes them out on picnics until they are of age to acquire a driving license.

Comforter and Grief Expert

Every mother need to be like that comforter during children’s pain – always available, soft, absorbent of tears, and usually quiet. While a child is in severe pain, they need no lectures but a shoulder to cry on and listening ears for the cause of their pains. They need to be able to talk and be heard, to cry and find a source of soft absorbent material, to even yell or hit something and find resilient shock absorber. It takes a great strength to be that comforter when one has her own perturbing issues to handle. After the severe period of grief is over, you may well after a few words of caring, you’ll tell her of times when you, too, experienced pain and some ideas about ways to get out of the strong emotions of grief. Mothers know their children and their individual needs and can recognize and circumvent impending anger or issues. Mothers should gently guide their children and encourage their burgeoning intellectual and emotional selves to ensure the children become self assured, and responsible individuals.

Fashion Expert and Seamstress

          It is the duty of a mother to dress her children to look presentable. The way your children are dressed can tell a lot about the care you are giving them. Not only do children’s fashions need to fit somewhat with those of their friends, they also need to fit their physical build. The height, weight, and coloring of a young child need to be taken into consideration when choosing styles and colors that are attractive and comfortable on them. Teaching children what colors go well with their eyes and hair, what styles suit them, and what colors can be mixed and matched is a great challenge, and it can be fun if a mother decides to do it with undiluted interest. It is easier, of course, if you start when they are young and trust your judgment. A good mother helps to teach her children especially the girls how to sew. This way they learn how to mend their dresses when they are torn or how to make new dresses of their choice. A sewing machine is always handy in many homes for this purpose.

Social Coordinator

          A mother should have social skills. She is a perfect organizer of children birthdays. She will buy the dress for the celebrant and cook the delicious recipe that will be served to make the occasion a memorable one. She should be able to plan family vacations, host dinner parties for friends and her husband’s business colleagues. Arrange play dates, and pretty much she can do to make sure the children have those things that make them happy.

          When a mother is social, her children will be proud to invite their friends home because they know that their mother will be equal to the task. A social mother is nicer, easier to be with and she is fun. This is very appealing to the children and their friends, and the mother will be grateful for that strong connection she has with her children.

Value Clarifier

          The benefits of having a mother in the home are to have someone care for children on a physical, mental and emotional level. A mother gives the children a sense for value. She helps them place value on things. Another benefit of a mother is having the female mother figure showcased in the life of the children. She takes time to show them the true value of things. Things to cultivate and the ones they should not. Femininity, a female role made and a female adult presence teaches a child how to recognize the difference between male and female and how they adapt to society and parental differences.

Dietitian

          It is the duty a mother to cook nutritious meals for her children. She ensures she feed them with the healthiest food that will guarantee they grow up properly. Most children learn how to cook from their mothers.

                           

                              

CHARACTERISTICS OF IDEAL MOTHER PART 1

Every child has an idea what his ideal mother should be. His consideration is based on what his friends’ mothers are and what he has read in books of what a mother should be. It is pertinent that your child will judge you by according to his ideal, the more closely you approach this ideal, the greater will be his love and respect for you, and the more willing he will be to follow your guidance. Though, they might not be exclusive, but below are some of the things your child may use in assessing you.

          A mother does not have to be very beautiful, but most children like their mothers to put up a good appearance. This means good carriage, well-chosen clothes, a well attended hair, and a cheerful look. “Three-tenths of good looks are due to nature, seven-tenths to dress,” says a Chinese proverb. A good appearance is appreciated everywhere. While no woman should allow herself to become a slave to dress and fashion, still it is equally important to cultivate this love for adornment, ever keeping it within due bounds, remembering that outward adornment should be secondary to the adornment of your soul. When you are gloomy, you will drive away your child’s friends and make him unhappy.

          However, it will be useless if you look fine outside but ugly inside. “Don’t praise a woman for her charm or her beauty –things that deceive the eye and fool the heart, things that are here today and gone tomorrow. Instead, praise her unrelenting devotion to God; praise her for putting her Creator first and foremost in everything she does.” Proverb 31:30.

          It is equally important that a mother should look youthful. She may not necessarily to follow the latest fashion trend, but she should dress with an eye to fashion and the style that suites her best. Looking older than your age or looking too young are not the best. These are extremes. A child can easily sense that his friends scoff at his mother who is trying to make people believe she is his senior sister, and this embarrasses him. The same applies to a mother who looks older than her age because of being careless with her look.

          A child likes his mother to be a woman with dignity. Not one who is given to flippant remarks, and always is assuming a free and easy demeanor. She must be a woman of decorous bearing. True dignity goes beyond studied gestures and well-practiced smiles. An ideal mother should not be found wanting in manners. She should be acquainted with the strict rules of etiquette.

          Mothers must exercise self-control. You can imagine what sort of mother someone who has inadequate self-control will be. Practice self-control over your moods.

Don’t dump your bad feelings on your children or husband. Many immature mothers use these symptoms to gain attention, pamper themselves, and vent bad moods without concern for those who live and work with them. A mother that is overly sensitive will devise a complex system of retaliation. But a mature mother will work out her disturbed relationships, even if she has to get professional help, and find reasonable self-confidence that prevents unhealthy sensitivity with its constant hurt feelings and tendency to set up retaliatory habits. Although recognizing mistakes and wrongs is important, coping with such negative circumstances in a healing and positive manner is far more important. Even in the worst circumstance, you can always sift out a redeeming fact if you view it positively. To develop a redemptive, affirmative lifestyle, face your faults and mistakes with courage and honesty rather than try to blame your inadequacies on other people. Correct the problems you can, forgive yourself and endeavor to live at peace with the inevitable weaknesses you can’t change.

          As a child grows up he encounters many problems that need solution. To overcome these problems successfully, he must have the understanding and help of someone who is wiser and more experienced to guide him. In most families the mother is the parent more around, if she doesn’t understand how her child feels about things that trouble him, how can she be of help? Therefore it is very important that a mother must understand.

          With true understanding comes sympathy. A child feels deeply, and he wants someone to sympathize with him. There is no one who can do this well than his mother. When your child feels hurt either physically or emotionally he should be able to come to you for comfort and sympathy. It is only under such conditions, can a child feel secure in his home.

          A child likes to feel that his mother is unbiased and is fair to every member of the family. Even when the mother favors him, he resents her unfairness to his brother and sister. No matter how strict she is, when she is fair, her children love and respects her in a way they could never love and respect a mother who plays double standards. A mother who treats some of her children as sacred cows and others as scarp goats is only destroying her home.

          A child likes a mother who is tolerant of his opinions and shortcomings. When he has performed below expectation in school or in any other endeavors, he expects his mother to understand and forgive and give words of encouragement, and never hold a grudge against him. Invariably a mother must be tolerant. Without tolerance, regardless of the number of other traits a mother possesses, she could not possibly have the respect of her children. Tolerance is not a willingness to change your own opinions but rather recognition of the fact that your children have the right to their opinions.

          To be in company of a cheerful, happy person is utmost importance to a child. No matter what happens, he looks to his mother to supply this emotional warmth. When a mother is depressed, and disoriented, displaying a castor oil look, it quickly reflects on the child and makes him unhappy and depressed as well. The castor oil type of mothers is those who go around looking as if they had just taken a spoonful of the stuff. Many mothers have heard the common saying, “Be of good cheers.” But it goes into one ear and out of the other as evidenced by the “long faces” that is witnessed in most homes. If you can’t be cheerful with yourself and your children, some of them will find excuse to leave when they see you coming, because they know that gloom and despair can be contagious. A smiling, cheerful mother spreads cheer, because cheerfulness is contagious, too. Did you ever notice when a happy, cheerful, buoyant mother returned home, the whole atmosphere seemed to change, and her reflected feeling seemed to be picked up by the children. Develop the habit of smiling.

          Every mother should develop the spirit of sportsmanship so that her child can develop it, too. How can her expect him to be a good loser in games with her playmates, if she wants to win all the time at all cost? The must learn that it naturally to lose sometimes.

          It gladdens a child’s heart to know that his mother welcomes his friends and that his friends like and respect her. This is especially important when a child reaches school age and playmates become an important influence in his life. It helps to build trust in his mother and his feeling of security in the home. A child feels embarrassed when his mother drives away his friends from visiting him. If you must chase away some of his friends for good reasons, you must tactful about it, and endeavor to learn to him why you decided to do so. It tact or the lack of it, that makes a mother correspondingly agreeable, or disagreeable in her interactions with her child.

          The mother who is always ready to help her child when he needs help can be regarded by him as an ideal mother. When all is well and he can handle his affairs he will not turn to you for help. But knowing that you are there to help him whenever the need arises is important to him. An ideal mother must be helpful.

          An ideal mother must try to be an achiever. World’s most successful women chose to work hard or spend many hours daily in their endeavors. Most of them do both. It makes your child proud to boast of your achievements. You can be the best cake baker in your society or good volunteer. Every child wants his mother to be useful to us and as a result become appreciated.

          An ideal mother must try as much as possible to be available. This does not necessarily mean that a child hates a working mother. It means that he wants to know that his mother is there when he needs her. Knowing that his mother will be there when he comes back from school is important to a child. But if you work knowing that he can reach you on telephone can be assuring. The ability to postpone present pleasure for future good is important.

          Many mothers expect their child to do things way beyond his capabilities. When they are successful women, or when they are failures and have not been able achieved what they wanted from the time they were children, they are likely to set their goals too high for their child and be highly disappointed when their child does not achieve these goals. What will be the relationship between a child and his mother who he feels is disappointed in him? In order to avoid this ugly development mothers should set realistic goals, both short and long term for their children.

          In bringing up your child, you need to be flexible. This is especially true for mothers. Rigid, compulsive attitudes and behaviors set up needless tension and often defeat the purpose of good upbringing. On the other hand, being too laid-back, careless and inconsistent make you unpredictable and confusing to your children. This is not a trait of an ideal mother.