One
of the commonest evidence that a person has not yet developed full maturity of
his personality is the tendency to give way to fits of temper. Most husbands
become angry whenever they did not get their ways or whenever something
happened that wounded their sense of personal pride. Some husbands not only
speak most unkindly to their wives but resort to threats and sometimes throw
their shoes at the women or whatever other objects that may be handy.
Some women are also capable of
uncontrollably anger. Some become angry when their husbands forget to fulfill
some promises made. The commonest cause of anger is keeping of late night by
their husbands because it is believed that they must have been with other
women.
Practically all cases of temper date
from early childhood. Habits are formed
more quickly when we are young, but if we have already passed the youthful
flexible period it is now time to put our temper under control. Some had
throughout childhood had indulged in their temper as a mean of coercing their
parents into cooperating with them. They had frequently gotten their way by
throwing tantrum whenever their will was crossed.
This
same tendency followed into their adolescence with very little change. Even
during their young adult years they still used their fits of temper as a means
of demanding their own way. As they married they found that their reaction to
having their will crossed remained the same as when they were children.
The only difference was that some
spouses were unwilling to give in to their partners’ tantrum as their parents
had been. Some wives had certain strength of their own and had not been willing
to accede to their husbands, as their parents used to, by giving in allowing
them their ways simply because of the threat of a fit of temper.
The high price to pay for
uncontrolled temper is losing the esteem of your partner, and setting such an
example before your children portend the danger that they would lose their
respect for you and their own personalities would suffer as the result of the
unhappy home environment.
Happy home have been created by
couples that have learned to control themselves. The control of anger is the
ability to analyze the causes of your difficulty rather than to react with a
fit of anger. Anger is like a parasite that grows with the growth of the
supporting body, and, like a parasite, it can be killed by separation and
crushing.
It had been observed that a person
is most apt to give to temper when life is stormy and all seems against him,
that is when he resorts more to anger. On such occasions his store of nervous
energy and his ability to exercise self-control is at low ebb. You should
therefore adopt the definite policy of delaying the settlement of any
difficulty until such time as you are calm.
The control of grievances which tend
to build up in a person’s mind until he finally becomes very angry, that he
imagines all kinds of retaliation. This pent-up antagonism is a potent producer
of trouble and should be dissipated before one finds occasion to take his
partner to task. One of the best ways of relieving this pent-up emotion is to
engage in some profitable and enjoyable physical exercise. Visiting of friends
and taking a walk can work wonders and making you more tolerant of those who
have provoked you. Every time you succeed in controlling your temper you break
the chain that enslaved you.
In order to help create a happy
home, wives should treat their husbands kindly and avoid rebuttal whenever they
felt ill at ease and tempted to a fit of anger. This is not with the thought of
giving in to his whim, but simply in recognition of the principle that when an
angry outburst is met with calmness and patience, the flurry of anger soon
passes, curbing the tempted one to regain his composure and consider the
immediate situation impartially and unemotionally.
