When patsy and her husband Jones got married, he was a civil servant while she worked in a multinational company. Her job paid well, but was demanding. Sometimes she worked seven days in a week. She also had to travel at short notice, she did not mind because she loved traveling; besides she made extra money on these trips.
Jones made the bed most of the days, vacuumed the house every week, got the children to school every morning with good breakfast and picked them up, bought the groceries, helped the children with their homework, transported them to school and church activities, took clothes to the cleaners or used washing machine. He did the ironing as well. He stayed more with the kids than their mother. When they were ill, he was the one who sat by their bed, and nursed them back to health.
Then there came a time when it became a crisis, for she spends so much time earning money she found no time to be with her family. She found domestic chores dull and uninteresting. She found her principal satisfaction in just one thing- her career. She never had time for her children, and usually snapped at them when they asked questions because she was usually tired when she came back from work. They would show her some of their school work, but she would just shove them aside telling them she could not go through because she was tired.
As Patsy went higher in her career, she became more unavailable, but Jones did not complain. Things started to change after she rose to become a director in her company. She started to feel unsatisfied with the status of her husband, when she compared him with the company executives she met in course of her duty. She decided to divorce him and hire a housekeeper to look after the home and take care of her children.
When she informed the children of her plan, they told her that they would prefer to stay with their father even in a shank than to follow her to a palace. As far as they were concerned, she did not love them or care about their welfare. Though, she was richer, the children loved their father more. They reminded her how she had been too busy to care for them, play with them, or talk to them and their father had always been by their side.
Pain pierced her heart as she realized that though she had pursued a career and became successful, but she had missed the most important aspect of life, which was taking care of her children and showing them love.
Really, the reason for pursuing a career is both for financial stability and sense of achievement. But when your career becomes so fascinating that it interferes with the survival and comfort of your family, it is not an advantage but a serious disadvantage. You must develop the ability to plan your life and to include your family especially the children in your plan. This does not have to diminish your vocational goals. It only means that when you get to the top, your children will be with you.
You have worked hard to climb up the organizational chart of your company and you are proud of your accomplishments. You have dreams for the future and there are indications that within few years you would be where you want to be. But what is the joy if you get there alone? If you want your family to be with you on the successful climb, you have to create time for them.
No matter how busy you are, that is not enough reason for you to abandon your family. You must create time to nourish your relationship with your spouse and your children. Off days and annual leave are important times that can be spent to rest and make up for lost time with your spouse and children. Spend quality time with your family.
By quality time, I mean giving them your undivided attention. A woman pursuing a career must balance her time well so that she does not ignore her spouse or their children. Children love those who love them, and while it is natural for children to be more attached to their mother than to their father, if the children spend more time with their father than their mother, they would be more attached to him, as could be seen in the above story.
Spend time talking with the children about their school experiences. Spend time playing with them on weekends if you don’t have to go to work. When you sit on the floor, rolling a ball to your small boy, your attention is not focused on the ball but on your child. The important thing about this is the emotions that are created between you and your child. Your spending time with your family communicate that you care about them, that you enjoy being with them. Take a vacation with the family at least once a year.
You must make time for your family as you make time for lunch and dinner, because it is as essential to a happy home as meals are to your health. If you are a very busy person, it might be a bit difficult, but it is possible with careful planning. It does mean you might give up some individual activities. The sacrifice is worth it. The pleasure of living with family, who feel loved, and who knows that you have sacrificed for their comfort will be great.
Children need nurturing, and care. They are willing to give love, but they must equally receive love in return. While your career is important, you must never allow it to stand in the way of loving and raising your children. Do your children want to talk to you? Listen to them. A time is coming when they will be grown up and lives far away from home. A parent, who does not show the children genuine love and care, may be miserable later in life.
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