The difficulties and animosities felt between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have destroyed many marriages. Few with son-in-law but the typical problems existing between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are much more common than those with a current or future sons-in-law.
There is a tremendous amount of misunderstandings, misinterpretations, hyper-sensitivity and mean-spirited gossips being peddled about each other. But rarely any advice or real solutions being shared.
Daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law are both guilty of not even attempting to understand the other’s wants, needs and prospective, but are very quick to criticize and ridicule the other.
Trouble between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law arises far too often when one or both women try to dominate the man. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both want the same thing. To spend time with the man. Sometimes financial needs create a lot of problems.
Problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often occur when one or both women try to get their needs met by attempting to exclude the other.
Remember, your husband was a son to his mother first, and the relationship bond between mother and son should never be trifled with. The harder you try to divide and conquer the relationship between your husband and his mother, the more you’ll discover that you’ve undermined any and all efforts to get along with your in-laws and will cause your husband and his family to resent you.
Don’t take anything so personal –taking every suggestion, recommendation or idea offered as being negative against you will not help matters. Show the existence of self-esteem on your part. Why do you choose to take everything so personal?
The relationship with the son should not be competition. He married you because he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. In a marriage, a husband must put his wife as number one in the relationship, but don’t make the mistake of putting your husband in a position of having to defend his relationship with his mother. If setting limits and boundaries are needed on how often your mother-in-law calls to speak to your husband or visits, it is up to your husband to decide and act on that, not you.
Communication is key in all relationships –take the initiative to call and chat you’re your mother-in-law with news and updates, even if you think it’s about mundane, trivial matters. Remember birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and special occasions, just as I bet your mother-in-law to do for you. Invite your mother-in-law to your home for a meal on such occasions. Send pictures and cards. Ask for advice and willingly listen to her ideas, but that doesn’t mean you must do everything her way. Ask your mother-in-law for recipes of your husband’s favorite meals while he was growing up –she’ll love it and so will your husband.
Take good care of his son. Your mother-in-law raised your husband to become the man you fell in love with and married and she should be thanked, praised and respected for that. Your mother-in-law wants and needs to know that the work hard work she put forth loving, raising and caring for her beloved son will continue to be provided in your care.
Of course your mother-in-law expects to see your home well-kept, clean and orderly, just as she worked hard to do while raising him. Of course see expect your husband to have clean clothes and clean underwear to wear at all times. Of course she expects your son to always be well fed with healthy, nourishing meals, just as she did so many years.
Are you susceptible to gossip? Do you talk crap about your mother-in-laws? Spreading negative gossip about your mother-in-law will cause you to be labeled as a toxic person, this will make your mother-in-law not to associate with you or trust you ever again. The harmful effects of gossips are well-known, and you would be wise to learn the difference between good gossip and negative gossip before you yourself become a victim to a malicious gossiper and discover the results the hard way.
There are mother-in-law who will do everything within their power to prove you are not worthy of their son or husband-to-be. Develop a thick skin, be assertive and respectful, but don’t stoop to her level and become anyone’s doormat. But not all mothers-in-law are trying to control you or take over your life; they want to be valued and want to share a meaningful place in your lives.
Work on your relationship with your mother-in-law; read books on the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.Be willing to apologize and sincerely say you are sorry for things wrongly said or done. Work hard to make amends with your mother-in-law and stop seeing her as a threat. Spend your time and energies building a good relationship with your mother-in-law that will last a lifetime.