Monday, 17 December 2012

Fictional Presentation of Senate Debate

                                 CHAPTER  ONE 
          “My name is Dele George. I represent South Senatorial Zone of Lagos State.  Perhaps, Mr President I know is different from the one some of you know. I know Mr Fox, the great democrat. I know Mr Fox as an engaging character and someone who turned Nigeria around in eight years. Nigeria, at the time Mr Fox was elected President was in very bad shape. To say our economy was tottering on the edge of the precipice is to put it mildly. All the economic indicators were in the negative. Ours was an economy characterized by high interest rates, volatile exchange rates, high inflation, a rising debt burden –both internally and externally, colossal pension backlog, inefficient and corrupt public sector, etc. 
          “Eight years on, thanks to Mr Fox’s leadership, the Nigerian economy has not just woken from its slumber but is well on the way to a promising future; and that shall secure economic well-being of the Nigerian populace. By virtue of his economic reforms, Mr Fox has ensured that Nigeria has undergone a turnaround. Truth be told, what Mr Fox has achieved for the Nigerian economy in the course of his tenure as Nigeria’s President, is no mean feat, in the light of per-existing actualities; so he is entitled to a third term so that he can finish the beautiful work he’s doing for our country.
          “As far as the Nigerian economy is concerned, Mr President has not only reversed the years of economic mismanagement and corruption but has recorded successes that can rightly be said to be unprecedented. Perhaps not many of you can recall that Mr Fox spent a good deal of his first term traveling round the world in an attempt to free Nigeria from the shackles of debt and debt-induced poverty, and for this he was criticized so much at home. Nigeria, however, got the pay-off after seven years, in his second term, when a successful debt relief was granted the nation by the Paris Club.
      “What Mr Fox achieved by freeing Nigeria from the 19-nation strong Paris Club of lenders becomes more appreciable, when one considers the fact that it is inconsistent with the rules of Paris Club. Members of the club usually want to sustain indebtedness by granting debt rescheduling and spreading payments over a number of years, which is actually more strangulating and detrimental. The extension of Mr President’s tenure will be a victory for democracy, because it will give him chance to continue his good works.”
                “Thank you the Senate President for given me this opportunity to make my contribution to this very important debate on the future of our dear country. My name is Obinna Mba. I represent the Central Senatorial Zone of Rising Sun State. Factually, debt servicing, as a proportion of total resources had cost the country so much by diverting scarce resources away from basic social services. Not only did it cause a slash in public spending which shrank the public sector, it choked the economy by blocking economic progress for millions of Nigerians. Yet, yearly Nigeria had to be coughing out billions of dollars for a debt that was not abating but steadily eroding our financial capability and stifling our economic growth.
                “Given that there was no exact or precise sum on our indebtedness as figures emanating from different quarters revealed disparities, due to a dearth of data on, and proper compilation of, our debt profile, the President began by creating what is today known as the Debt Management Office. The creation of the DMO saw to the harmonization of our desperate debt figures and this gave a much needed sense of direction. Today Nigeria has been removed from the international credit blacklist, meaning that we are now creditworthy and can hold our head up in the global scheme of things.
          “The government ordered the consolidation of the banks and made them more viable. The insurance sector has been re-engineered under Mr President to improve their capital base just as there has been a holistic streamlining on tax laws through Tax Reforms. The stock exchange has been revitalized also. All these go to achievements are reasons why I support that the president be given another four year term in office to put this nation on the path of permanent progress.
          “My name is Bala Abdulkarim. I represent North-west Senatorial Zone of Kastina State. Nigeria has suffered because its leaders felt no compassion for citizens, who are hardworking, honest, religious and truthful. Mr Fox was so thick-skinned and obtuse; he mistook the fear of the people for consent. Without compassion for the people, no leader can succeed and that was why Mr Fox failed.
          “A good leader must be intelligent. The truly intelligent person recognizes that knowledge is infinite and that he or she knows very little. It is this modesty, the recognition of profound ignorance in certain areas that is the beginning of wisdom; and the quest of endless pursuit of knowledge. President Fox is not wise, more so for believing he is clever. Wise men always left room for new ideas; fools believe they know it all. And Mr Fox believes he knows it all. This is a government that pauperized the people. It is a government that set up a cabal, where ten percent of the populace who are in power or in the corridors of power monopolies ninety percent of the national resources; while the rest ninety percent of the populace are confined to scramble for the remaining ten percent of the nation’s resources.
          “Despite his pontifications to the contrary, the Fox administration had in the last eight years undermined the deepening of democracy in the country by his scant regard for the rule of law, which is the bedrock and hallmark of democracy. Apart from taking deliberate decisions in contravention of the 1999 constitution, the Fedral Government under him had the penchant to select which court rulings to obey or disregard. A typical example was the Supreme Court ruling over the withheld Lagoon State council funds. The ruling, which was in favor of Lagoon State, is yet to be complied with barely two months to his exit from office.
          “Unlawful impeachment of governors is another of his undemocratic activity. Even though, his aides strenuously deny his involvement, it is known fact that the Fox government sponsored and promoted the arbitrary impeachment of some state governors out of political vendetta. Using the Economic Crimes Agency as the enforcer, legislators in states such as Plateau, Oyo, Bayelsa and Anambra were either induced or blackmailed into impeaching their state governors. In most cases, the constitutionally required quorum was never met.
          “In  Plateau State for state for instance, the Federal Government upheld Jerry Jang’s purported impeachment by just five members of the legislative until the Supreme Court recently upturned it. Democracy presupposes freedom of choice and association. Despite allowing the registration of more political parties, the Fox government stifled the growth of democracy by deliberately undermining and destroying opposition parties or individuals of opposite views. The CPP for instance, which was running neck to neck with PNP in the last elections in some states of the federation is virtually non-existent anymore except in a few states where it enjoys traditional support.
          “Within the PNP itself, internal democracy was destroyed and only Fox’s anointed candidates picked tickets for public offices. This much played out in February when the party held its primaries to pick gubernatorial candidates. Using a combination of blackmail and threat, all the major contenders for the tickets were cowed to drop out of the race, thus clearing the coast for the emergence of his candidates in most of the states in the federation.
          “Through utterances like the ‘Do-or-die’ politics, his presidency inadvertently encouraged political violence that swept across the land during all the elections he participated in or that took place during his tenure.”
          “Thanks my Senate President for giving the opportunity to speak. I am Bashir Nurudeen. I represent North-East Senatorial Zone of Nasarawa State. The economic policy of this administration is the best this country has ever had. From about a paltry $4 billion when he took over the mantle of leadership, he grew the nation’s foreign reserve to about $50 billion. The immediate implication is that it restored investors’ confidence in the economy, thereby attracting the much needed direct foreign investments.
          “Today, Nigeria is one of the fastest growing mobile phone markets in the world and only second to South Africa in the continent, owing to the GSM revolution. And through the privatization policy, President Fox ensured a shift from a state-owned administration to a free market economy in line with emerging global practice. Although, the desired impact is yet to be achieved, the policy is designed to ensure greater efficiency of public utilities.
          “Economic Crimes Agency, ECA, though mired in controversies owing to perceived selective approach to the fight against corruption and its penchant to short-circuit constitutional processes, the establishment of ECA has no doubt recorded modest achievements in the fight against corruption.
          “It cannot be denied that the government of President Fox has expanded the democratic space in this country. There existed only three registered political parties in the country when he came to power. Despite the initial reluctance by the administration to open up the democratic space, the government finally succumbed to agitation in that regard by registering more political parties. There are about three scores political parties in the country today.
          “It is also a known fact that most government not only this present one attempt to suppress the legislature and the judiciary, the mere fact that the judiciary has the freedom to give anti-government judgments is in itself an achievement. The legislature has also passed some landmark acts that embarrassed and set precedence for the future. I don’t know how our country would manage without the sagacity of President Fox.
          “My name is Funke Odumoku. I represent Southern Senatorial Zone of Oyo State. This move of tenure elongation will bastardize our constitution and ruin our political system. I owe it to the youths of this country and generation yet unborn to speak up. If I fail, I will be happy that at least I did something and did not sit and watch while bad things were happening.
          “Where are we now? Where are we going? If we look at our country now and compare it with other countries, and see the rate of development, how fast they have moved, and how slow we’ve moved, in my estimation, we have moved one step forward and three steps backward. It annoys me. Why can’t our people live like other people in the world? Americans, Britons, Germans etc. The so much touted economic policy of Mr Fox’s administration notwithstanding, the purchasing power of naira against major currencies of the world has been another black spot in Mr President’s score card.
          “I thought that prolonged practice of democracy attendant upon a democratically determined superstructure, would correct much of the rot of the authoritarian military culture, but unfortunately I was wrong. What’s wrong with Nigeria, now? What has been wrong with Nigeria all along? It is a lack of order, a lack of efficiency, a lack of good leadership and a lack of respect for Nigerians by the leaders.  Despite all the glaring maladministration and leadership ineptitude of Mr Fox, has been going about arrogantly in his fake messianic garb rather than apologizing for his numerous misdeeds. To add salt to injury he is even trying to extend his tenure. I urge honorable members of the legislature to wake up from their slumber. It is only National Assembly can item the spreading ‘cancer’ of sit-tight leaders in Nigeria. I think African nations will be pleased if we succeed.”
          “I am Nkiru Adimora representing south-east senatorial zone of Imo state. In life, we learn more from those who disagree with us than those who agree with our views. And it is not by coincidence that most progressive countries in the world today are countries where we have very robust opposition. President Fox is invariably obnoxious, with no consideration for other people’s rights.
          “The president is dancing to the evil music of tenure extension bidders. Ruling party has been hijacked by confused and greedy people who want to mar the fragile unity and sovereignty of Nigeria. There is really no one more dangerous than a greedy man, with power. The lessons of history have taught us that most of the people who’d occupied the highest office in this country have attempted to overstay their welcome in office. But invariably, they all came out bruised in that effort. Desperation breeds despotism. Mr President did not know it, but he had set his course toward the point at which destiny would turn and mock him like foolish despotic leaders who erroneously believed they were in control.
          “Vile attitude to the rule of law, gangsteric manner he uses the Economic court rulings is disheartening. President Fox’s tenure extension agenda is causing a great deal of political uneasiness. This is his grand plan of becoming a life president who can run the country as he likes. The big question is what does he want after eight years in power? More money? More power?
          “My fear is that the job is simply beyond him. The sad truth is that no single man has the intellectual capacity to understand all the affairs the president is expected to manage. Economy for example, perhaps his most important contemporary duty is an area his advisers can’t agree on a set of policies that can reasonably address the problem. It is, generally wise for a country to manufacture most of its goods than to let its money go overseas to pay workers in those countries to make them. As a result no work for Nigerian graduates and the resultant effect is high rate of crime. Importation of all commodities even toothpicks are the principle that he can understand, and better yet, a principle that he can explain to others, and since the people to whom he speaks with are sycophants, they will always agree with him.
          “Moreover, he is convinced that Nigeria should be a dumping ground for sub-standard products and that Nigerian workers are not as good as any in the world, unprepared to enter into fair contest with any other, and that is his policy and it is being applauded by his cronies.
          “All he does is to make a few favored cronies happy. He loves making party bigwigs happy. Isn’t a policy that make both of them happy a good policy? That is why we are here discussing the tenure extension of a non-performer.”
          “My name is Nosa Amadasu. I represent Edo South Senatorial Zone. The president is an intelligent man. A man who has won everything in his life on merit. A man who in school studied more than anyone else to get ahead. He is a man who started at the bottom and worked his way to the top through hard work. He is a great achiever.”
          “Honorable Senators I greet you. My name is Abdullahi Abdulfatah. I represent Kwara North Senatorial Zone in Kwara State. The great promise of democracy hinges on government that works openly and honestly, for the broad interests of the Nigerian people, as opposed to the narrow benefit of the favored wealthy few. The Nigerian people have had enough of Mr Fox, and we are going to get rid of him regardless of what his cronies think. I know that Nigerians will be pleased if we succeed in aborting this evil plan, because it will be to their advantage. They would rather deal with someone they could trust. And like us, they have learned that Mr Fox cannot be trusted. The only thing I can imagine worse for Nigeria than Mr Fox staying in power is earthquake.”


Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Consequences of Being a Single Mother

Single mothers lead complex lives. Juggling the role of wage earner, housekeeper, and parent and making time for some semblance of a personal life as well is quite daunting. Most, though not all, single parents are women. Most work but have not been employed steadily; they took time off when their children were small. Most have less money than the average two-parent family and, if they are divorced, less than they had when they were married. Many are coping with the emotional trauma of a divorce and the social awkwardness of becoming single again. Some are widows. Betty was married immediately after high school. She never worked outside the home. Her husband handled all the family’s needs. She never signed a check until after he died. Suddenly she found she has to fend for herself and her three children. “My Francis thought it was silly for me to want to work. A woman had only one purpose in life to him, to be a wife and a mother.” Betty said.
          Some single mothers never even had the chance of experiencing a married life no matter how short, like can be seem in the case of Rose. “We were supposed to get married next month. But that was before he found I was pregnant. Then he decided he couldn’t handle being a husband and a father all at once. So he walked out accusing me of deliberately getting pregnant. My son has me and I will love him enough for two. He doesn’t need a father who doesn’t want him.”
          He accused her of being a freak for refusing to take the pill. At one point he’d even questioned whether or not the baby was his. It was then she had given up on him, hounded him back his ring and later gotten him to legally give up any and all parental rights, which he had been only too happy to do after insisting he never wanted to see her or her baby again. She couldn’t risk leaning on someone again and then suddenly waking up to find him gone when she needed him most.
Many mothers are now single parents and have to take on an even bigger role in the life of their children. Not only must they provide the care and support a child needs but they also provide enough income for the family to live on. This is great task for anyone to take on. It is extremely difficult for a mother to provide everything a child needs so it helps if the child has another male figure present in the home.
          She had been warned by her mother that babies consumed every waking moment and, a good part of the sleeping ones, as well, and she had got herself ready for it. She was bent on doing the right things for her baby. However, she couldn’t get used to this feeling of being overwhelmed by her new responsibilities of taking care of her son.
          Single mothers tend to grant more independence to their children than parents do. This can be good for the children up to a point. Children need firmness as well as freedom. Authoritative parenting takes time and energy, both of which are in short supply in single mother homes. Establishing rules and monitoring the teenager’s activities are much easier when there are two adults in the home. In part to make up for their feelings of guilt, single mothers may bend over backward to make their children happy. In the absence of other adults in the house to support their decisions, they may give in to their child in order to be accepted. Adolescents may try to step into the absent father’s shoes and present themselves as more mature than they really are. The overburdened single mother may not supervise the mature-seeming-adolescent as closely as she would have otherwise.
          Because single mothers are more likely to be permissive, their adolescents are somewhat more likely to get into trouble. If a single mother maintains authoritative relationships, however, any problems that might develop can be averted.
          It is natural for a single mother to want to begin dating and entering into sexual relationships. How much of their personal life should single mothers reveal to their children? In my view, very little.
          Children are only beginning to formulate their ideas about dating, sexuality and intimacy. Just as parents have a hard time accepting the development of sexuality in their adolescents, so adolescents find it hard to deal with the emergence or re-emergence of sexuality in their parents. When parents stay married, adolescents tend to give less attention to the expressions of physical intimacy but regard it as affection. When parents are single and dating, this self-deception is more difficult.
          The best way to deal with the adolescent’s mixed feelings is not to bring home every man you have dinner (or more) with. Instead, meet new dates outsides your home and tell your adolescent you are going out with a friend. If you begin seeing someone frequently, you might invite him to dinner, preferably with a group of friends the first time. Introduce your date as a friend, and ask him to act like one. If the adolescent asks, point blank, whether you are going to bed together, reply that you are not ready to discuss your sex life with him. But if the relationship becomes serious, you will have to tell him.
          There are obvious reasons for not parading every date through your home, not to mention your bed. Firstly, it makes everyone (you, your date, and your children) uncomfortable. Secondly, your adolescent might jump to wrong conclusions. If the adolescent is hoping you will remarry, each date will raise his hope unnecessarily. If he dreads the thought that you will remarry, each date will plunge him into needless despair. Thirdly, as an adult, you may engage in more sexually advanced behavior than you want for your son or daughter. As a newly single woman, you may sleep with someone on a first date, but will you want your daughter to do the same? Do you sincerely want your son to expect this with his first date?
          The time to introduce someone to your children as a boyfriend is when you and the man are becoming serious. You may or may not be contemplating marriage, but if the relationship is amorous, significant, and steady, it is time for the people who are important in your life to meet one another. Certainly, you should not invite someone you just met or someone you are dating casually and do not see a potential partner to spend the night. There is nothing wrong with a lover sleeping over or even moving in, after some time, if the two of you care deeply for each other and are contemplating a life together. Many adults who have been through a divorce want to try living with someone before risking a second marriage. If the relationship tentative, however, if moving in a way to hold someone who may not want to be held, this is a serious mistake. Your children have already lost daily contact with one parent; don’t subject him to another loss. Raising a fatherless baby is not easy. 

Friday, 23 November 2012

Reasons Why Women Today Postpone Having Babies

Mrs. Martins called her daughter after one year of marriage to ask the question that had been plaguing her. “Eunice, your father and I have been talking, and I want to share a deep concern we have for you; you are thirty years old, well established in your career, and have a loving husband who seem just right for you. We cannot understand why you are not having children. Is there something wrong?”
          Eunice laughed. “Oh mother, I was wondering when we were going to get around to this conservation. I figured that pretty soon you would be wondering why Andrew and I are not having children. There is nothing wrong. The truth of the matter is children are demanding. Being a mother is a twenty-four-hour-a-day responsibility. I want to take my time. I have the job I am doing; I like to travel and I can’t see how I will be able to raise children for now.”
          The thought of having children had always frightened Eunice. Not a physical kind of fear but rather that pregnancy might keep her from her work, interfere with her life.  She was aggressive in her work. She always thinks of ways to improve her productivity. She was afraid the impact motherhood would have on the careful balance she was maintaining. How could she possibly be a full-time mother, which she wanted to be, without it interfering with her duties as wife and career woman? The prospect of juggling that additional responsibility was daunting. The dual responsibilities will be too much for her.
          Most contemporary women are like Eunice. They pay little attention to their families in the earlier days of their marriage. They are busy with their vocation and caught up in the pressure of climbing the corporate ladder. When they take into account the inevitable interruptions and temporary set-backs due to a child’s not feeling well or an unexpected emergency, pregnancy could cause, they prefer to postpone having children till later when they have saved up some money so that when the baby arrives, they have to devote themselves to mothering. They fear the stress of nursing a baby when their husbands are not able to help in most cases because they are working hard too to provide for the home.
          But it is not as scaring as they feel. Many of them were proud, happy and excited to be pregnant. They had realized that life’s deepest meaning is building a happy family. They had learned to give more attention to their husbands and their marriage. Life is short. The truth of this statement had dawn on many of them. The time invested in your children will accumulate dividends forever. Many people are of the opinion that being a workaholic is the unhealthiest of lifestyles. It makes one old alone or die leaving behind small children that can barely take care of themselves.
          In today’s world becoming a mother is a matter of choice, not necessity. In some countries, in the Orient, to be precise, having more than one child is forbidden, and the cost of breaking the law is steep. Can you decide not to become a mother knowing that growing old alone is depressing and even frightening?
          Having a child who is not anticipated and desired is equally painfully and many result in lifelong resentments and tensions. So a woman must reserve the right to decide and then have the courage to live with your decision.
          In some cases husbands are the cause of their wives postponing having babies as can be seem by this young husband’s confession. “We lived together for two years before the baby came. After the baby was born, I felt like she gave all her attention to the baby and I no longer mattered. It was as if her only goal in life was to have a baby, and after the baby came, she no longer needed me.” You can imagine a father being jealous of his own child.
          Some young mothers mourn over their loss of the prospects of pursuing a career. But how many career women would be more than glad to trade their lonely accomplishment for the chance to be a mother and to receive the amiable affection which only children can give.
          Having a child is not easy or convenient. But living with an ever-developing child who is part of you and your husband can be an exciting and joyful adventure. The attitudes you have toward your children are by personal choice. You can choose to view children as an interruption or an inconvenience. Or you can choose to be challenged by God’s exhortation to receive your children as precious gifts given specifically to you by God and to rejoice over them individually. The psalmist wrote in Psalm 127:3, “Behold, children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.”
          Motherhood is a wonderful thing. Every woman should have children unless she has good reason not to.



Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Tips on How to Balance Motherhood and Your Career

Admittedly, motherhood is not a bed of roses, especially if you are a career woman. You can only have a nice fulfilling job, loving husband, great children, and a comfortable home, if you can get you priorities right. When patsy and her husband Jones got married, he was a civil servant while she worked in a multinational company. Her job paid well, but was demanding. Sometimes she worked seven days in a week. She also had to travel at short notice, she did not mind because she loved traveling; besides she made extra money on these trips.
          Jones made the bed most of the days, vacuumed the house every week, got the children to school every morning with good breakfast and picked them up, bought the groceries, helped the children with their homework, transported them to school and church activities, took clothes to the cleaners or used washing machine. He did the ironing as well. He stayed more with the kids than their mother. When they were ill, he was the one who sat by their bed, and nursed them back to health.
          Then there came a time when it became a crisis, for she spends so much time earning money she found no time to be with her family. She found domestic chores dull and uninteresting. She found her principal satisfaction in just one thing- her career. She never had time for her children, and usually snapped at them when they asked questions because she was usually tired when she came back from work. They would show her some of their school work, but she would just shove them aside telling them she could not go through because she was tired.
          As Patsy went higher in her career, she became more unavailable, but Jones did not complain. Things started to change after she rose to become a director in her company. She started to feel unsatisfied with the status of her husband, when she compared him with the company executives she met in course of her duty. She decided to divorce him and hire a housekeeper to look after the home and take care of her children.
          When she informed the children of her plan, they told her that they would prefer to stay with their father even in a shank than to follow her to a palace. As far as they were concerned, she did not love them or care about their welfare. Though, she was richer, the children loved their father more. They reminded her how she had been too busy to care for them, play with them, or talk to them and their father had always been by their side.
          Pain pierced her heart as she realized that though she had pursued a career and became successful, but she had missed the most important aspect of life, which was taking care of her children and showing them love. Set limits on work time. Know when, and how to say “no” gracefully – knowing your capacity more than anybody.  You just have to accept that you also need to take a break, or that you also have other priorities. Get organized so you can use your time and energy efficiently. It just makes everything easier. So spend time, even just a little time cleaning up your home and planning for your family.
Really, the reason for pursuing a career is both for financial stability and to have sense of achievement. But when your career becomes so fascinating that it interferes with the survival and comfort of your family, it is not an advantage but a serious disadvantage. Do what you are good at, and let others do the rest. Delegate some duties to subordinates. Asking for help helps a great deal. Stop worrying because things get done even if you’re not the one who had done them. Let others do their jobs.
 One problem is housework if housemaid is away. Neither parent has free time, so children usually are expected to do more around the house than they might be otherwise. Adolescent girls generally take this in good stride. But the adolescent boys, who are anxious to demonstrate their masculinity, sometimes resist complying. You must develop the ability to plan your life and to include your family especially the children in your plan. This does not have to diminish your vocational goals. It only means that when you get to the top, your children will be with you.
Another advice for the aspiring career woman who is a mother and at the time a wife is that you should get a job that complements, and not clash with your family life. Get a job you really love and enjoy. There is nothing worse than having a lousy job that leaves you drained at the end of the day and ill-prepared to face your family when you get home.
          Even beyond the consideration of the mother’s responsibilities to the children, there are the questions which have a bearing on a wife’s accepting employment. These other considerations center largely on the tensions that may develop between a couples as a result of wives competing with their husbands as wage earners.
          Ambrose and Patricia met at a fund-raising event for people living with HIV and AIDS. At the podium, he was handsome, charming and eloquent. He was a dazzling package. His speech had prompted the glitterati in attendance to be generous with their contribution and also had prompted Patricia to approach him afterward and introduced herself. Both of them belonged to different Non-Governmental Organizations that help people living with HIV and AIDS, even though both of them were negative. By end of the evening, they had made a dinner date.
          Within six months they were married, and for a year life couldn’t have been better. They both worked hard in pursuit of their careers, but they also played hard and loved hard. During those times, he had brought his self-confidence into their bed. It showed in the way he made love. He was a sensitive and generous partner, an ardent and considerate lover, and a supportive husband.
          Then the quarrels began, arising out of his resentment of her earning capacity, which exceeded his. She argued that it didn’t matter who made the most money that he had chosen a public service career, where emolument was poor. She was speaking the truth. He heard only rationalizations for his perceived failure. He feared he would never reach the level of achievement in his job that she would in hers.
          Over time his obsession with failure became a self-fulfilling prophesy. Simultaneously, Patricia’s star was rising. Her success continued to chip away at his pride. He sought to repair with women who regarded him as success he wanted desperately to be. Each time Patricia confronted him with his cheating he expressed deep remorse claiming affairs were nothing more than meaningless flings. But they were not meaningless to Patricia, who eventually threatened to leave him. Ambrose was unable to regain his self-confidence until the marriage crashed.
          You have worked hard to climb up the organizational chart of your company and you are proud of your accomplishments. You have dreams for the future and there are indications that within few years you would be where you want to be. But what is the joy if you get there alone? If you want your family to be with you on the successful climb, you have to create time for them.
No matter how busy you are, that is not enough reason for you to abandon your family.  You must create time to nourish your relationship with your spouse and your children. Off days and annual leave are important times that can be spent to rest and make up for lost time with your spouse and children. Spend quality time with your family. To be able to create time for your family, get and stay organized. Your time is precious. Engage in time management. You can’t afford to waste time looking for files, sorting through junk mail or even finding a pen. Keep available and clean and organized from the start. Have supplies available and in places where you know you can immediately put your hands on them.
By quality time, I mean giving them your undivided attention. A woman pursuing a career must balance her time well so that she does not ignore her spouse or their children. Children love those who love them, and while it is natural for children to be more attached to their mother than to their father, if the children spend more time with their father than their mother, they would be more attached to him, as could be seen in the above story.
Schedule a Mother’s day. This will be a day you can spend quality time with your family. You can work very hard other days in order to compensate for the day you will close early in order to have some good time with your family.
Spend time talking with the children about their school experiences. Spend time playing with them on weekends if you don’t have to go to work. When you sit on the floor, rolling a ball to your small boy, your attention is not focused on the ball but on your child. The important thing about this is the emotions that are created between you and your child. Your spending time with your family communicate that you care about them, that you enjoy being with them.  Take a vacation with the family at least once a year.
You must make time for your family as you make time for lunch and dinner, because it is as essential to a happy home as meals are to your health. If you are a very busy person, it might be a bit difficult, but it is possible with careful planning. It does mean you might give up some individual activities. The sacrifice is worth it. The pleasure of living with family, who feel loved, and who knows that you have sacrificed for their comfort will be great.
Children need nurturing, and care. Have a plan. Some career women use paper organizers and some use tech gadgets, but all of them use some sort of planner to balance their work life with their family life. Ideally, you should keep both personal and work appointments on the same calendar so you don’t overlook or double up. And while it doesn’t always work, you need to put aside hours for when you’re going to get your work done. If you just wait for it to happen, it never will. Of course, you’ll have to be flexible as your child-care provider will inevitably cancel, your child will get sick and your spouse may occasionally need to work late.
Stay focused, and don’t get sidetracked. One of the hardest things for work – at home mothers is sidetracked by children, laundry, dishes, etc. make a list each month of what you intend to get done. Then break the list down week by week, then day by day. If you stay focused, you can stay committed to getting these things done. When you are working try to be hundred percent focused on the job, and when you are at home, try your best to be hundred percent focused on your children and home. Sometimes, it is easy to get lost in, thoughts and doubts. During these times, try your best to use all your breath and sense to draw your awareness back to the present moment. After all, the past is behind you, and who knows what will happen in the future? This minute is the only time that counts. And if you make the most of it and every given moment, those brief periods of time will build into a meaningful future.
Your children are willing to give love, but they must equally receive love in return. While your career is important, you must never allow it to stand in the way of loving and raising your children. Do your children want to talk to you? Listen to them. A time is coming when they will be grown up and lives far away from home. A parent, who does not show the children genuine love and care, may be miserable later in life.
If you are in a personal business, where you are in charge of your own business, then you can work with you family, not against them. When your children are little, make sure your office is kid-proof. Get covers for your computer and child-safe drawers on your filing cabinet, and keep your paperwork out of reach if you don’t want your reports and invoices messed up. Some women set up a child’s office so that toys are available to keep their children busy. As your children get older, find ways to get them involved in your work. When they are old enough, let them stamp envelopes, find fliers or shred paper. Just never let them answer the phone.
If you are the type that does not like to rush out of the door without having had some quiet moments with your kids, then get up early so that you can spend some time with your children before you go out into the day’s activities. If you are the type that has to pick your children from school or drive them to after school activities, you might have to start work early in order to be able to make this possible. Break out of the 8-to-4 office or 9-to-5 office hours’ tradition. Your hours as a career woman might start before you family wakes up, continue during nap times and go on into the late hours of the night. Prioritize appointments that need be accomplished in person during traditional hours. But remember that e-mail, filing, reading, and a lot of your other office tasks can be done at any hour of the day or night.
As a busy woman, things like household chores and cooking are negotiable. Dishes sitting in the sink overnight, or having to eat out one or two nights in a week might not be a big deal. You have to realize that there are certain things you have to let go and you don’t have to kill yourself to be a perfectionist in all aspect of your life. It is not just a sustainable way to live when you are juggling so many things in family and work life. But in all situations, special attention must be given to your children and family.
Ask for help when you feel you need it. For example tell your husband you will appreciate it if he could watch the children while you go out to meet a client. It’s difficult to succeed without help, so communicate with your partner about how he can help you. You both need to remember you’re juggling two full-time jobs. Then tell your spouse how grateful you are for all his help. You can ask you in-laws, if they can baby-sit, the children, so that you can have a much needed date with your husband. In the office you should be able to hire an assistant, if the busy is yours, to whom you can delegate certain responsibilities, so that you can focus on taking care of the most important duties.
You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your family, your business and your home. Just work it out in your calendar. Realize now that there will never be enough time in the day to get everything done. Oftentimes, mother gets her needs met last, which only perpetuates the cycle of exhaustion, frustration and chaos in the family, amidst all the chaos that must come with being a busy career woman, mother and wife. If you feel perpetually depleted because of sacrificing your needs for the needs of others, you will be unable to help your kids or do your job in a meaningful way. Maintain enough healthy balance to keep mind/body/soul at its best. How else are you going to be able to do all of the above, if you’re not healthy, able and ready? Remember you could wear yourself out, get sick, so relax, and recharge every now and then to be able to carry on. You must take care of yourself first before you can take care of others.
I certainly hope that the above listed tips would inspire you to enjoy your job and family more. Becoming a successful and happy career woman is difficult but possible. It on record that some women have achieved it, you can, too.