The mother in the family has many
roles. Her role rapidly shifts from that of mediator, counselor, role model,
nurse, teacher, provider, protector, playmate et cetera. As I emphasize the
role of the mother, this does not mean that the father is not important or he
is less important. What the mother give to her child and the extent to which
she can give, is dependent on that which she can receive from her relationship
with her husband. If she receives joy, peace, support and love from the
relationship this is exactly what she will pass on. A sad and depressed mother
cannot exude love, peace and joy. If she only receives empty promises,
frustrations, and false expectations, that is what she will pass on as well. So
as I emphasize the role of the mother, this does not in any way play down on
the father’s role, but rather it points to the unique role a mother plays in a
family.
Mothers
differ in style and technique, but most mothers agree on the basis of what the
role of a mother entails. However, approaching motherhood from the angle of the
positive influence a mother can have on her child culminates in few precious
nuggets of the essence of motherhood.
Mediator
Expression
of jealousy and disagreements often crop between children in the same family.
These expressions may be so, vociferous and unfounded as to alarm the mother.
They are quite normal, however, and even within reasonable limits, provide a
harmless outlet for the release of emotional tensions that have developed.
Conflict
is a part of life.
The
mother herself may sometimes be surprised to find that she is the focus of
jealous outbursts. This, too, is normal at one stage of a child’s development.
These jealousies of the other children may be even, take the form of
expressions of contempt against them. The only remedy is to meet the outbursts
with kindness and reassurances that things are not as bad as they look in the
childhood’s perspective.
Some
children seem to be so willful that they cause their mothers considerable
anxiety. In the years past, mothers set out to break the will of a child who is
stubborn. But this method was not founded on sound principle and probably
resulted in many ruined personalities. Why should a mother be so stern in her
dealings with a child who seems to be too self-assertive? Adults sometimes are
confused over when to assert themselves and when to submit. How can we blame
children for being similarly confused? In these cases patient, tactful handling
will do more good than stern punishment.
Mothers should help children settle
disputes so as to avoid siblings’ rivalry. Your approach can make it seem that
you love everyone equally or that you favor one over the other. Be careful that
both your love and approval are equal for each child. Work to gain that deep
understanding of every child’s underlying needs and modes of expressions.
Do your children think you are fair
or do they accuse you playing favorites? Do they respect your judgment, though
strict, in your discipline or do they think you’re unreasonable? These are some
of the questions you, as a mother will have to ask yourself. Gone are the days
of mother knows it all. At home, school, children today are encouraged to think
for themselves, to express opinions frankly. How your children feel about you
as a person and as a mother is very important to them, to you, and to the
happiness of the whole family.
Provider
Most mothers aim to provide for the
physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs of their children. On a
physical level, this is likely to include a healthy, clean environment and
nourishing food for optimal growth. Emotionally, the mother endeavor to provide
a calm, safe haven, seeking opportunities to encourage the child and foster
positive self-esteem. Mentally, mothers usually sing and read to their children
and later help them with homework. Mothers, often than not, may be the parent,
who introduces their children to religion or spiritual guidance. Motherhood
creates a desire of wanting to ensure a child has every basic need met.
Protector
The
moment a mother holds the fruit of her womb in her arms for the first time,
maternal instinct takes hold as well as the need to nurture, protect and love
her precious child. Mothers handle their children with gentle mannerisms and
softness. In addition, mothers instinctively try to protect their children from
pain as well as physical discomforts. Mothers provide improved nurturing
environment where their children can feel safe and secure. Children will never
survive without constant protection. But note that if your child grow up with
too much giving in or giving up, too much help and rescuing, or too much
criticism and blame, he may not feel good about himself. His self-respect and
self-esteem may be poor.
Children who do not feel good about
themselves are likely to do one of two things: they will give in and become
doormats to others, or they will be arrogant and controlling out of an effort
to compensate. Mothers who feel good about themselves are much more likely to
raise children who have a healthy self-esteem by not being over protective.
Emotionally healthy children are reasonably in touch with how they feel and
what they need to cope with these feelings most of the time. Encourage your
children to learn to swim, skate, ski, climb, and take part in sports. Every
skill they ca master adds to their confidence, broaden their social options and
keep them from the boredom. A mother should be involved and cheer them on their
pursuits ensuring it is not life threatening.
Playmate
Willingness to do things with your
child is important. Time together can mean going to special events, sharing an
activity you both enjoy. It is important that when you spend time with your
child, you are genuinely interested and involved in what the two of you are
doing. Your child knows when you are just going through the motions or doing
whatever you are doing half-heartedly. One problem faced by a busy mother is
that it is often hard to coordinate schedules. Most of the mothers have to work
to help overburdened husbands.
She may think that Sunday is a
perfect time to spend time with her child, but her child may have reserved the
time for socializing with his friends. Remember that if your child turns down
your invitation to do something that he ordinarily enjoys, it is more likely
due to bad timing than disinterest on his part. A good mother enjoys doing
things with her child and takes pride in his accomplishments. She believes that
a mother has an obligation to understand her child’s needs and feelings. She
treats the child’s interest and problems as meaningful and shows genuine
concern. At the same time, she sets well-defined limits. In order to stay
involved in your child’s life, you will need to spend time together.
Nurse
A good mother cultivates the culture
of good health in your children. She will nurse them when they are sick. There
is no alternative to a mother for a baby. Mothers play an extremely significant
role in nurturing a newborn child. It is exceedingly vital for her to devote
time in looking after her baby.
When a child is sick, a mother
instinctively reacts to her child’s condition, providing proper nourishment and
warmth. Mothers are the ones who raise alarm when a child’s temperature spikes
or something is going out the norm, calling the doctor and staying with him in
the hospital if need be. Mothers provide the child with physical comforts and a
place to rest. Through their gentle touch, mothers can reassure a child that
all will be well. Mothers find nursing a sick child back to health as one of
their deeper commitments to their children.
Contemporary studies have established
that it is very crucial for mothers to spend most of their time in guiding and
sustaining their babies, both physically and psychologically, especially in the
early years of their life. Nannies and relatives are quite helpful but they
simply cannot substitute a mother’s compassion for her baby.
Mothers definitely have a major role
to play in nurturing their newborn babies, but their responsibility is not
restricted to newborn babies only. Mothers have to perform crucial roles in the
lives of their babies, irrespective of their ages. It is vital for mother to
understand, that until the child moves away from her home and establish a home
of his or her own, she happens to be the person on whom the entire wellbeing of
the child rests.
Housekeeper
A
mother is a housekeeper. Housekeeping is the process of making a home neat and
clean. Housekeeping involves disposing of rubbish, storing of belongings in their
proper places, cleaning dirty surfaces, dusting, laundry, dishes, and
vacuuming. Some housekeeping is chores. Home chores can be defined as homework
that needs to be done at regular intervals. Housekeeping equally involves
outdoor cleaning chores such as removing leaves from rain gutters, washing the
pool, putting away lawn equipment, washing windows, and cleaning doormats. In a
more elaborate form it includes the budget and control of expenditures,
preparing meals and grocery shopping, paying bills as well as cleaning.
A
housewife when the children are asleep or at school, focus on house chores,
cleaning or running errands such as paying bills and buying food. Working
mothers contribute financially to the household to pay bills. They juggle
family and personal relationships with their careers. Housekeeping is a tedious
task. When there is cleaning and baking to be done the child can be crying at
the same time. Sometimes mothers have to be holding their babies while they
tend the flying pans.
Care Giver
A
good mother is expected to contribute her whole life to her family. Mother is
the glue that holds a family together because in most cases they provide the
loving care and support needed by growing children. The nurturing of a mother
provides an unparalleled and vital part of a child’s care. It takes learning
and practice to handle with proficiency. It is not an easy job because mothers
learn the caring as they go. It is helpful if your children are reared in a
caring home so that they can pass it on to their own children. a good mother is
devoted to care for her family and put them before all else. The ideal growing
up environment a mother can provide for her children is a warm caring home.
Teacher
A
mother must teach her child the value of proper education. A mother in most
cases is the first teacher of a child. The first song a child hears is probably
sung by his mother. It is from her the infant learns the rudiments of formal
education such as 1,2,3, … and a,b,c, …Mothers read aloud to their child, fostering
their early literary skills. Mothers also patiently points out common objects
and name them, enabling speech and auditory development. It is established fact
that mother is the nearest person to a child. He or she grows up watching the
mother and her actions. The first syllables taught to the child are from the
mother. Mothers instinctively begin teaching children about the world through
their communication and interactions with their children.
A mother not only teaches the
numbers, alphabets, shapes and colors to her child, but also manners, eating
habits, and gestures. It is to be remembered that much of our communication is
done through gestures which one again are first learnt from mother. A mother
also teaches her daughter and son to play with a doll and a ball respectively.
Safety precaution is another important lesson a child learns from his mother.
Part of the job is to teach children about the world they live in. a mother
also teaches her child appropriate social behavior (how to share and take
turns) as well as responsibility (by dividing chores or requesting assistance
with a task).
As
a child grows and becomes more matured the learning process never ends. Mother
always has an answer for all curious questions of the little child. With more
maturity the role of the mother becomes more of a friend and guide. From
childhood to a teenager, the transformation is drastic. Questions of life,
death, marriage, existence starts to engage the developing mind. Mother again
is the solution provider to all these questions.
Nancy
Lu, author and parent of two gifted children, writes, “I think of a parent as a
farmer preparing fertile and hospitable place for his seeds to thrive and
flourish. He plows his field, sows the seeds, and then labors day after day, feeding
and irrigating them, getting rid of bugs, and watching over his field with
love.”
Counselor
As
children grow, they will encounter many challenges, often of the emotional and
mental types. Mothers can create a safe-sounding board for the child to discuss
the indecision of what path to follow, mistakes, disappointments and failures.
One of the most marvelous attributes of motherhood is the demonstration of
unconditional love. In other words, no matter what the child did, the mother
still loves the child and forgives him. Forgiving mistakes and wrongdoing is
critical to the well-being of the human psyche. Because of their prior
experiences, mothers can share their knowledge and relate to the child’s
difficulties in a sympathetic way. Then the mothers will provide wise options
and guidance to help the child move forward.
Role Model
Mothers
set the experience through their own actions as how to handle situations and
cope with life. By demonstrating such things as determination in periods of
trial and tribulations, grace under pressure and self-sufficiency, a parent can
provide her child the skill needed to eventually become an independent,
productive adult. Jonis R. Cohen, social worker and author, states, “Think
about what you want your children to learn from you and what you want them to
pass down to their children. Then make sure they see you live your life as you
wish them to live theirs.” In a nutshell, motherhood involves allowing your
child to mover forward through well guarded developmental stages and evolves
into a capable adult.
