Monday 26 February 2018

32 Things You Should Do To Straighten Your Relationships

Author and his wife on her 55year birthday on o2/18/2018 after 31 years of marriage.
Author and his wife on her 55year birthday on o2/18/2018 after 31 years of marriage.

How to Improve Your Relationships

Strong relationships don’t just happen. When you make a long-term commitment to someone you have to be willing to make compromises because no relationship is perfect. Relationships aren’t easy and maintaining good relationship requires acceptance, patience, and above all, daily practice. These are 32 things you can do to improve your bond if you want to have a flourishing relationship with your partner. . They will make your partner feel loved, appreciated and desired, and will make you feel more connected to him or her. A healthy relationship is one of the important components for living a fulfilled life.
Remember special dates
It is important to remember special occasions, such as Valentine Day, birthdays, anniversaries, or any other dates on your love calendar. Special dates give you the opportunity to tell your partner that you still love and appreciate them and that they mean so mean to you. Write those dates in your diary or keep a reminder in your smart phone to remind you of important dates.
Give gift
These are some of the gifts you may consider sending to your partner on your special dates:
send flowers. Red is the color of love, so give roses. Red roses mean “I love you”;
send chocolate box;
present him/her a book from an author you know he/she loves;
send a greeting card expressing how you care;
get tickets for that movie your partner has been longing to see;
take him/her down memory lane by giving picture album with old pictures of the two of you;
pay for the subscription to a magazine he/she likes;
present him or her a calendar with pictures of both of you, highlighting special days in your relationship;
you can present jewelry or clothes.
Send text
Send him/her well-worded text messages.
Write poems
Write a love poem for your partner and place it where he/she can easily find it.
Record your poems
You can also record yourself reciting the poem and burn it into CD and place it where he/she can find it and listen to it at his/her convenience.
Present recorded music
You may also record your partner’s favorite love songs for his/her listening pleasure while relaxing.
List your partner’s strengths
You can make a list of things you love about your partner and place it where he/she can find it or slip a love note in a strategic place where he/she will find it.
Spend private moment together
Sometimes, the best way of celebrating your love for each other is to have some private time together. Check into an affordable hotel and spend the night ordering room service, cuddling in a big bed and taking bubble baths.
Cook his/her favorite meal
Cook his or her favorite food. Nothing will make your partner delighted than his or her favorite meal or you can decide to cook dinner for your partner. It will be exhilarating to see him/her move around the kitchen.
Keep talking
One of the most important things in a relationship is talking about how you feel and sharing honestly with one another. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs. Life is not always going to be rainbows; relationships will inevitably face rough waters and bumpy roads. We have all loved and lost, been hurt and scared, and we are all choosing to put one foot in front of the other in an attempt to love again, so honest communication should be part of every healthy relationship. Good timing and tact must be employed when communicating because deep conversations require deep listening which is not possible when you feel angry. Going into a conversation with a fixed mind may lead to missed opportunities for connection; deeper understanding of your partner will fail.
Endeavor to know your partner
One of the keys to being in a successful relationship is to endeavor to know your partner. If you study your partner and learn about him or her, you will know his/her personality, likes and dislikes, “dos and don’ts”, which will enable you to easily do things he/she will really appreciate. Be interested in why your partner loves what he/she loves. Ask questions because it will help you make space for what they love. Learn about their hobbies.
Be patient
We live in a world where anything we want, we want it instantly. But love is different; it takes time and work. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. Be patient with your partner.
Say sorry
Know when to apologize. Saying sorry has many benefits. It diffuses tension and gets rid of bad feelings. It is not every argument that needs to be won. Although there may be inner pleasure in winning an argument, there’s maturity in apologizing when you find out you are wrong.
Forgive
Accept her/his apology. Forgive your partner when he/she offends you. If you've been fighting and he/she makes an attempt to reconcile, don't rebuff him/her. It’s better to walk away than say something you’ll regret.
Intimacy
One of the most important sentiments of human love is intimacy. Intimacy can be as easy as kissing on the cheek, holding hands, hugging, giving a back scratch, or putting a hand around the other person’s shoulder.
Sexual Relationship
In some relationships, there is an unfortunate tendency to ignore the role of sex but it is very important. Sex is important in building a lasting relationship so make sure your love making is great. Do something different in bed regularly. Bathe together periodically.
Trust without wavering
Nothing hurts and breaks a relationship as quickly as dishonesty. When trust is lost it motivates behaviors such as criticism, rejection, and jealously.
Be supportive.
Go that extra step in trying to please your partner. There are many ways to be supportive of your partner. Give emotional support: listen to them when they’re upset and need to talk. Give them information that they might need. Give them a hand when they need it. Do something that he normally does or want to get done before he has the chance. Repair something of hers that he/she hasn't gotten around to fixing. Feeling understood and cared for by someone else improves relationships and well-being.
Love in action
It is not enough to say you are in love, it must show in your actions. Perform little acts of kindness for your partner that let them know you love them. Along with expressing your gratitude to your partner, expressing actions to show how much you care about him or her is also suggested. Some ideas include the following: When you’re out shopping get him a little surprise gift. Just as most men love to be waited on, women also love men that can do things for them, especially physical things like helping out with the chores.
Fight fair.
It’s not disagreements that destroy relationships, but how you deal with them. Avoid character assassination. Be willing to compromise. Take responsibility for your actions and growth by giving top priority to the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your life.
Set goals as a couple
One of the components of a happy relationship is having a set of goals that you’re trying to achieve together.
Allow your partner the space to be themselves
Lovers want closeness, but they also want space. The key is to allow your partner some space; the man should go out with his friends and the woman with her friends as well. This will give the partners enough space so that no one feels trapped.
Let go of unrealistic expectations
A relationship is like a team made of two people who both bring talents and skills and resources to the relationship.
Seeking for help
It is human nature to seek advice and consolation from loved ones when facing both highs and lows, but it’s imperative to remember that your relationship is not the same as any of the relationships around you. Relationships have enough problems, struggles and limitations independently; so don’t borrow problems from those around you.
Relationships need work
Relationships, like anything else worth having in life, take work. This does not mean that you should be bending over backward and causing riffs in all other aspects of your life in order to make a relationship work. While it’s important to continue to grow and develop individually, it is just as important to grow together and strengthen the bonds that brought you together in the first place. The grass is greener when you water it, and love grows fullest when worked on a daily basis.
Promise without forgetting
Endeavor to keep your promises. It means you should not promise what you know you might be unable to provide.
Give compliments
Compliment your partner when she/he has done something remarkable. It is essential you let your partner know you share in his/her achievements. Compliment something that he's improved upon. If he/she dresses for a date, compliment the dress.
Give appreciation
Express your appreciation. Say thank you often. Thank your partner for what he/she have done to uplift your relationship or your own life. This type of effort will reinforce your partner to be thoughtful.
Seek for your partner’s advice
Seek for the advice of your partner. It will give a lot of confidence that you believe in him/her.
Be interested in what your partner likes
Listen when your partner talks about things that are important to him/her.
Show sympathy
Be there for your partner when he/she is undergoing emotional distress. Your partner’s burden will be easier to bear if you show sympathy to his/her plight.
Make your schedule known
It is important you let your partner know your schedule so that he/she doesn’t plan something and get disappointed. it’s a kind gesture to compare both of your schedules to see if it’s possible to spend more time together. While you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your carrier or job to satisfy your partner, your ability to compromise should be enough to make him or her happy.
Conclusion
Doing what you can to improve your relationship should be a daily practice not just special days.

Thursday 1 February 2018

The 36 Questions Scientists Say Can Make Any Two People Fall in Love


Love is more than a feeling; it's a choice.

Relationships are hard. They can bring out the best in us, yes, but also the worst. They test the very essence of our beings: our capacity for forgiveness; our ability to trust (both ourselves and another); the true extent of our self-love; the strength of our boundaries; and the power of attachment.
Anything that can help bring us together, then, should be explored. And one scientific finding about love rises above others in the literature, if only for its rom-com level of magic.
Yes, I'm talking about the study made famous by the viral New York Times article by psychologist Mandy Len Catron. It not only outlined the original study, but backed it up by revealing that Catron herself had tested the concept ... and fallen in love with her question-answering companion.
The original research was conducted by psychologist Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University. He split participants up into two groups, then had people pair up to talk to one another for 45 minutes. One group made small talk; the other received a list of 36 questions they went through one at a time -- a list that got increasingly more personal. They then shared four minutes of sustained eye contact.
If there was ever a question of whether you can generate intimacy in a lab setting, it was answered by this study. Six months later, one of the pairs was in love. When they got married, they invited the whole lab staff to the ceremony.
When Catron, author of the New York Times piece, did the questions with an acquaintance, she wasn't totally prepared, especially for the eye contact at the end:
"[T]he real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected."
The unexpected place? It was a state of being more than anything, and one that led to more connection than perhaps either thought possible.
"I wondered what would come of our interaction. If nothing else, I thought it would make a good story. But I see now that the story isn't about us; it's about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known."
We all want to be known. We want to be known by our friends, our colleagues, our family members, even our neighbors. We want to be seen for what we have to offer, what we provide, for who we are.
But the person we often crave to feel most known by is our partner. This is the person with whom we share the most intimate details of our lives (not to mention our bodies). It's the person who sees us at our best and our worst. The one who knows our history and is a primary part of our future.
We want them to know us -- really know us, and these questions can help. As Catron says, "Most of us think about love as something that happens to us," she said. "We fall. We get crushed. But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action."
There are lots of ways to celebrate upcoming Valentine's Day. This year, consider doing something different. If you're not in a relationship, propose doing this experiment with someone you've always thought was interesting but have yet to take the leap with. What do you have to lose?
And if you're in a relationship, skip the fancy dinner or other high-pressure, conventional thing.
Instead, grab a bottle of wine and make the choice to commit to the magic of the questions. Allow the vulnerability of the answers to carry you even closer together. Take on the challenge of revealing yourself even more deeply to the person you cherish most in the world, and revel in the soul-deep connection that can ensue.
Take action.
Fall in love.
---
Set 1
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you? 
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set 2
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it? 
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 
16. What do you value most in a friendship? 
17. What is your most treasured memory? 
18. What is your most terrible memory? 
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 
20. What does friendship mean to you? 
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's? 
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set 3
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling _______." 
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share _______." 
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met. 
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet? 
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Article by Melanie Curtin culled from FlipDigest.