Tuesday, 8 November 2016

Why You Should Not Make The Other Woman More Important Than She Really Is

The Other Woman

The other woman is that woman who ends up in a relationship with a man who is committed to another woman. “Slut”, “Tramp”, “Home wrecker”, and “Prostitute”, are all words and phrase used to describe the other woman. Many people are of the view that the other woman has no moral and no values. Lord Byron wrote, “A mistress never is nor can be a friend. While you agree, you are ‘lovers’ and when it is over, anything but friends.”
It is understandable that the other woman become the target for the rage and anger of the deceived wife. Blaming the other woman keep the wives from having to take responsibility for the problems in the marriage, so they pretend that if it had not been for the other woman their husbands would never had had an affair. This is not totally true. The problem is, there would have been, it just would have been a different woman.
Ambrose believed he had plenty of justification for his first affair. He was under continual pressure at work. Sandra was preoccupied establishing her career. Their lovemaking had become predictable and uninspired. Sandra had complained of his extra-marital affair. He had acknowledged his weakness and pledged never to stray again. But the first affair was followed by a second. And then another, and soon he’d run out of even lame excuses. Before he realized it his marriage was in danger of breaking because Sandra was not ready to tolerate his unfaithfulness.
The problem was that when Sandra was not around to show her husband love, he sought relief in the arms of other women. However, Official Kirk Franklin wrote, “No wife in her right mind would be happy if her husband had another woman on the side.”
While in other situations, men lie about their wives; making them out to be demons in order to lure the other woman into a relationship. Often of the time they are happily married, only a fun seeker. They are just bored and want the fun of eating their cake and having it back. It is not so much about sex as about the thrill of adventure.
Trust in relationship should not be taken for granted, so when a man betrays his spouse he has lost more than he could have imagined. What may at the time be justified as just a little thing, or something that happened only once, can cause damage that expands like ripples in a pond for years. After so many hurtful lies he has not only lost the trust in his spouse, but they have grown distant from each other. The intimacy is disappearing and they don’t know how to reconnect.
“Five years ago my husband left me and began staying with a girl. Daily she put pressure on him to divorce me. Months passed – horrible, dreadful months. Whenever I tried to phone my husband, she answered the phone. She laughed at me, and never let me speak to him. After a year, my husband came back to me,” Mrs Jones told me.
Mrs. Jones husband saw his lover as someone who offers up a new life, someone who will take him away from the burdens of having a wife and family. In the end, he discovers that all the old burdens and issues that came along with his family are the same, the only difference is, and the person he feels responsible to is different. The only thing that changed was the players, not the game.
Married men will say just about anything to keep that thrill going, even promising to leave their wives. If they don’t promise this, it’s because they have children who are keeping them at home. All of these are plausible excuses which the besotted other woman is happy to hear. But unfortunately these excuses are just a bundle of lies. Very few married men actually leave their wives and family for the other woman.
“Being the other woman was never my intention. The pain, anger and sorrow I had caused was my fault and I accept that. If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would have done things differently,” Patricia said.
Sometimes the other woman is also a thrill seeker, but in the long run many other women realize that the relationship has no future and manage to end it. This often happens at great cost to their reputations and careers. And the married man goes back home to his wife.
“There was nothing sinister about being the other woman. I had been in that position many times. But experiences may have been a bit different from the true love stories. I had no qualms about being the tainted person that I was supposed to be. I don’t think my affairs happened by accident. I was in need of male companionship and I didn’t care if they were attached. It didn’t bother me that they had a wife and children,” said Pamela.
What is really the crime of the other woman – falling in love? There are two people in every relationship, so why blame one person? After all, in most cases it is the man who approaches her for a relationship. The man is the one who is married and wrecking his home. He is the one lying and deceiving the other woman. If anyone should be blamed, he is the one. He is the home wrecker.
In some cases when the women start relationships with a married man, they rarely know that he is married. He will woe them, pursue them and make them feel like the only woman for him. By the time they discover the truth, they have fallen in love. Even he acknowledges that he is married, he will lie he is at the verge of going through a divorce. He will claim to be desperately unhappy, lonely and create a feeling that there is future for the relationship to blossom into something serious.
“Being the other woman can be a lonely game. You meet a man, fall in love and when it is too late you discover he is a married man. Then you start playing the cat and mouse game, hoping not to get caught by the wife,” a deceived mistress complained.
Don’t allow the actions of your unfaithful husband cause you to feel ashamed or unworthy. Such feelings can lead to depression, self-loathing and anxiety. Whether your goal is to save your marriage or divorce your unfaithful husband, you need to keep a level head and develop good coping strategies. It is said that living well is the best revenge. So live well in a manner that helps you heal your feelings instead of causing you more pain.
Some affairs are not a rejection of you but a rejection of his roles as husband and the restrictions marriage brings. You should not take it personally because it is not about you as a person. Given time and patience most affairs go down the drain. They are not reality, they are an illusion. The other woman is only showing her best side, she is being all she can be to your husband. Things artificial have short lifespan. No one can carry the act for a long time. Her true nature will show itself and the fantasy will wear off. When the other woman starts making demands, she will begin to feel as if he has another spouse to take care of instead of a lover.
Don’t make the other woman more important than she really is. She happened to be in the right place at the right time. She is not special. Your husband is looking for an affair, not looking for her in particular. She is not superior to you; she is simply different from you. You are his wife, she is only his lover. Your role as his wife outweighs hers. Spend time and energy focused on the problems in the marriage that led to an affair and find solution to those problems. Treat the cause of the ailment and not the symptoms. Once the cause of the ailment is arrested the symptoms will disappear.

Wednesday, 2 November 2016

24 Things Confident Women Do Differently in Dating and Relationships

One of the most important qualities a woman can have is confidence. Most women have limited self-confidence and others have no self-confidence at all. They dwell on their own weaknesses and limitations, and they eventually settle for far less than what they are really worth. Being self-confident is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. Poor self-confidence is the number one cause of failure in relationships. If you don’t have self-confidence, you will be willing to bend backward because you will not believe you are worthy of love. This will create the impression that you are desperate and he’d want to see how far you’d be willing to bend. Confident women approach relationships differently. Their ability to see their self-worth and know they’re something great gives them the ability to handle romantic situations, in ways that women who lack confidence just can’t. They’re not arrogant. Confident women are strong and independent. They seem resilient against adversity in their lives and turn each stumbling block into a stepping stone to self-fulfillment and happiness. Here are twenty-four ways confident women do relationships differently.
Confident women don’t guess if he likes them
Women with high self-confidence believe they are worthy of love and don’t question how someone feels about them. Confident women never try too hard to make an impression. They don’t coax affection out of men. Insecure women try to over-compensate and as a result are seen to be desperate and this lessen a man’s respect. But confident women know that they are good, competent, and lovable and trust that the right person for them will see their outstanding virtues. They don’t attach their worth to what a guy thinks and, as a result, don’t feel stressed and anxious when a man’s feelings are not platonic. The minute a man feels you’re trying too hard to have a relationship, he starts taking you for granted.
Confident women define their goals
 They set high goals focusing on what they excel in, more than dwelling on their weaknesses. But insecure women dwell on their weaknesses and their inabilities; depending on others to set gosla for them.  A confident woman's goals are defined by her, not anyone else. They acknowledge that they have imperfections, but realize this is part of being human and accept every mistake as a personal learning experience. When you applaud your fears, neuroses, and quirks, these qualities become your assets. She can do whatever she wants to do. Nothing can hold her back. Embrace your goods and teach others to embrace theirs. Ashamed of your intelligence? Intelligence is not necessarily IQ grades, or years of schooling or degrees acquired. Brian Tracy wrote, “If you act intelligently, you are intelligent.” And when further to explain that, “An intelligent way of acting is acting in a manner that is consistent with the achievement of your self-professed goals.” Forget the degrees and do what makes you feel like a genius, and you’ll be unstoppable.
 Confident women don’t feel guilty if a relationship falls apart
They believe that for every woman there is a man and that not everyone is a match and sometimes, two people are just incompatible.  Confident women don’t take it personally when a relationship fails. They realize that it must not be the right match and they move on, with their sense of self firmly intact. When a girl is insecure, however, and a guy leaves, she becomes discouraged and feels that she was unworthy of love. She may obsess, analyze, and replay every interaction in an attempt to uncover what she did wrong. She holds on to the destructive belief that she was the problem and that she is unlovable that is why the relationship failed.
They don't sit around over-analyzing things
Many women are guilty of over-analyzing. Women who are lacking in confidence can wind up in self-created drama, reading wrong meaning to whatever happens. Confident women's lack of self-doubt helps keep them from getting into any analytical game.

They are independent
There is one aspect of holding your own in a relationship that cannot be overlooked: money. Most self-confident women are financially independent. You don’t have to be rich, you just have to maintain the ability to take care of yourself. Confident women will usually maintain their independence and contribute to the relationship in some way because their pride won’t allow them to be perceived as burden on someone else. They place their dignity above all else, even if they are dating a very successful man.  In a relationship of any kind, if a man feels the woman isn’t bringing anything to the table, he will begin to disrespect the woman. Sherry Argov wrote, “The ability to take care of yourself ensures that all of the following will remain intact: the mental challenge, the respect, the longevity of the relationship and the sexual desire.”
Confident women don’t take anything too personally
Women who have confidence always see the brighter side of life and refuse to wallow in their own pity, because they know it will only harm them in the end. Confident women are also aware that they cannot control other people’s emotions, but can only control their reaction to them. But when insecure women hear criticism, they take it personally. They don't take it personally, but they don't put up with any disrespect either. For too long, women have had to live in a world where they shrug off whatever disgusting treatment that is hurled at them.
 Confident women set boundaries
Sensible personal boundaries and high self-confidence go hand in hand. Having strong boundaries means you prioritize your needs and your emotions and do not assume responsibility for someone else’s needs and emotions. Confident women know what they will and will not accept and don’t allow themselves to be pressured or pushed into doing things they don’t want to do, while insecure women do the opposite.  Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” They act in accordance with who they are and never do things solely to keep him interested and happy. Insecure women have weak boundaries, and may become doormat in a relationship by putting up with treatment that they know is objectively unacceptable.
Confident women admit their weaknesses
No one is perfect. Confident women have their weaknesses as well. Weaknesses are an inevitable and unavoidable fact of life. But the difference is that while other women have the tendency to focus on their weaknesses, confident women focus on their strengths. Self-confident women not only admit their imperfections, they applaud them. They know where their strengths lie, where they can improve and when to step aside and let others take the lead. They know that trying to be perfect at everything is impossible so they dwell continually on their areas of potential excellence.
 Confident women are capable of making decisions
Confident women trust themselves to make the right choices while also realizing they are well equipped to cope should things go awry. Confident women can be soft and very feminine, but they still have quiet dignity. They let people know in graceful way that they won’t easily be manipulated.  They act on how they feel and are comfortable being their true, authentic selves. Insecure women don’t trust their judgment, don’t trust their gut instincts, and are afraid of being wrong. As a result, they either live their lives in a constant state of anxiety, or they look to others to guide them along the right path. Men are instantly drawn to this person by their self-assurance and positive outlook on themselves.

Confident women don’t show arrogance
Being a confident woman isn’t about exuding a certain kind of arrogance. Confident women don’t need to tell the world how great they are. They don’t need to tell people about it, they already know. Only insecure people secretly feel that they are unworthy and feel the need to hide this by bragging about their achievements or talking about themselves. The confident women don’t discuss deep issues in the beginning. They don’t talk about their achievements early in the relationship because they don’t need to sell themselves; rather, they use dating as a means to determine which guys are worthy of their time and affection. They reveal themselves gradually, carefully peeling back the layers over time, making them more attractive than insecure women who lay it all out there.
 Confident women accept responsibility
They accept total responsibility for their situations, with no excuses and no blaming of others. They take responsibility for their choices, whether good and bad, and use their mistakes as opportunities to grow and become even better. To them accepting responsibility is not an option but mandatory. They don’t indulge in the luxury of blaming others or making excuses for parts of their lives that are not satisfactory as insecure women would do.  If they disagree with their partners they accept responsibility for their actions and emotions. They don’t blame or shame their partners if they feel unhappy and don’t blame men for being jerks and they don’t view themselves as the victims of other people and circumstances.
Confident women accept relationships the way it is
Confident women feel secure in their relationships. They don’t need to be given a ring before they believe that the man cares. They are able to just be present in the relationship and let it unfolds without force or pressure. This is not to say they stay with guys who won’t commit. If a guy can’t commit in the way they want, then they’ll move on. Married, single, or divorced, they feel good about themselves. They are able to give and receive freely in their relationships and as a result, they don’t stress out about marital status.
 Confident women waste time in bad relationships
Poor self-worth is what traps insecure women in bad relationships, and that is what cause them to feel so devastated and broken when a relationship ends. Confident people do not stay in relationships where they don’t feel respected, appreciated, and valued. They don’t wait around in dead-end relationships, hoping something will magically change. Only insecure people put up with treatment that is unacceptable, in large part because they feel that that’s what they deserve on some level.  
Confident women don’t seek reassurance
Do you constantly want more attention or reassurance? Women with high self-confidence know they are loved and lovable. As a result, they don’t need their partners to remind them every day – it’s just something they feel and know. Sherry Argov, the author of Why Men Love Bitches wrote, “A man loses respect for a woman who needs his approval, particularly when she will overcompensate to get it.” If you don’t truly believe you are worthy of love, you will never believe someone else can love you. As long as you stay in control of who you are your partner will respect you.  But not when you are insecure, and need constant validation and you lash out and become resentful if your partner doesn’t give it to you, he retreats because he feels pressured. When a man thinks about a woman who has control over herself, he automatically thinks about her preferences and about ways to please her. Then you may work harder to try to please him and earn his love, or you may withhold your love and affection to even the score.  You view his retreat as a sign he doesn’t love you and fall into despair. He resents that nothing he does is good enough and the fact that you don’t trust his efforts and stops trying; you see this as further proof he doesn’t care, consequently, either the relationship ends or continues to make you both miserable indefinitely. A confident woman doesn’t obsess over her partner’s reassurance.
Confident women choose wisely
The ability to make their own choices in life is the confident women’s most important tool. Confident people use their head and heart when choosing a romantic partner. They are able to quickly assess if someone is emotionally healthy and can give them what they need in a relationship. A core concept to understand when it comes to relationships is like attracts like. They don’t let their ego get too intertwined with their emotions and they make sure they are fundamentally compatible with someone before they get too involved. An insecure person will unconsciously seek out relationships with men who will make them feel more insecure. They will want the unavailable guys, the guys who can’t commit, the guys who have walls up. These are the ones they will feel infatuated by, not the ones who show real, genuine interest. Oftentimes, this happens because on an unconscious level, the insecure girl feels that if she can break through his walls, or get him to change his ways, then she’ll really be worthy and valuable. This never, ever works. Instead, she just ends up compromising her integrity even further by chasing the relationship.

Confident women Have Better Sex
Sex is a major component in a relationship, and confident women know that. What they also know is that they’re hot. They are plenty sexy, which is precisely why they don’t throw it out there casually. In feeling really comfortable in their skin and embracing their body, confident women just naturally have better sex because they tell their partners what they like. They’re more assertive. Some women fake orgasm because they feel that in the bedroom they have to put up a riveting performance but not the confident women. They don’t usually define themselves by outside standards. They are more honest. They ask for what they want. If their partners don’t do it right, they won’t encourage them by giving disingenuous feedback, but will tell them the truth because she cares about her own pleasure.
Confident women are not afraid to say no
 Confident women aren’t afraid to say "no" when something doesn’t suit them. Confident women don’t overcommit and they don’t make false promises. What this means when it comes to relationships is that confident women don’t settle, and have zero fear when it comes to expressing their emotions. They’d rather state the truth and decline rather than tell a white lie and then flake out later. And, they don’t have time for everything. No one does. The difference is, burnout simply isn’t on a confident woman’s agenda, so she makes sure to commit to things she’ll actually enjoy instead of piling every little thing onto her calendar for the sake of other people.
 Confident women never lose their identity
Women with healthy boundaries will not lose themselves in a relationship, and will not allow their identities to be entirely contingent upon how their partners see them. They will continue to maintain their own lives outside of the relationship without giving up their friends, hobbies, or alone time. Confident women don’t abandon parts of themselves in order to have a relationship. They bring their fully formed self into the relationship and if the guy wants something else, or something more, they leave. They won’t abandon important parts of themselves or their lives for the sake of the relationship and if a man wants something else or something more than they’re willing to give, they’ll leave. This is because when a woman is in love, it can be really easy to lose herself in it. Confident women don’t fall into that category; they keep themselves as separate entities. For them, never losing sight of who they are and what they want out of life and their relationship is always paramount.
Confident women understand their emotions
No matter what the circumstance is, confident women strive to understand their emotions and own up to them. She won’t sugarcoat anything or use euphemisms. There’s no hide and seek happening with their jealousy, they let it all out. They are forthright. They are direct about their preferences and they let their partners know what their dos and don’ts are with respect to how they want to be treated. When they notice disrespect from their partners, they point it out without hesitation.
They enjoy solitude
Confident women have a little quality time each day for themselves. Reveling in a few moments to themselves during the day to relax and feel free of others’ obligations is a must. Richard Templar wrote, “You need that time to regenerate, renew, and invigorate yourself. You need that down time to recharge and repair. If you don’t, you aren’t taking on fresh fuel, your engine will run down and so will you.” These women cherish their friends and family, but also realize that it is important to have their down time, where they can completely indulge themselves. This is a little space for them, a breathier, and a time to sit still and do absolutely nothing. Just breathe. They just sit there not thinking, not doing anything, not worrying, just being, while appreciating the pleasure of being alive. It helps to purge them of angst and worries.
 Confident women choose their lifestyle
Confidence women do not let the media dictate their physical appearances or behaviors, because they know that it is all misleading. These women are confident in their lifestyle choices, whether they decide to get married and have a family or not.  They are not afraid to define themselves and defy public opinion. They have their own look. Their own style. Their own charisma. Their own brand of charm.
Confident women listen
While confident women trust their own judgment, they are also secure enough to listen to their partners. These women know trying to accomplish everything alone is virtually impossible. Knowing when to listen and when to act is an extremely useful skill to develop.  They won’t necessarily like what they hear all the time, but they don’t throw a tantrum when their partners express their views. They believe criticism should be constructive, and that listening to others’ opinions is a good way to get their problems resolved.
 Confident women are not scared to love
Regardless of how brutal or shameful one’s romantic past may be, the confident women never miss the opportunity to love again. Confident women don’t let their past hold them back. They know they are worthy of a great relationship, strong enough to survive if it doesn’t work out and to weather the crappy outcomes; while the insecure women will remain heartbroken for a long time.
Confident apologize when they are wrong
They admit when you’re wrong. Not only are confident women not afraid to admit that they’ve erred, but they’re also not scared to apologize. Confident women welcome the chance to learn from their mistakes, and that in turn makes for a stronger and healthier way of dealing with conflict in their relationship. Confident women listen to their guilt, figure out how to right their wrong and then they adjust.