DIVORCE IS NO LONGER FASHIONABLE

                

The high rate of divorce in recent time makes it look as if lifelong marriage is obsolete. Igrid Trobish wrote, “Marriage is a lifelong process of discovering each other more deeply.” The family is the fundamental unit of any country. While families stay happy and marriage bonds remain strong, the nation is relatively secure. But when there is a general disregard for the sanctity of marriage, the integrity of the nation is jeopardized. This is why the high rate of divorce  and terrorism in the world should be a thing of concern to all.

The recent and present increase in the rate of divorce is an omen of the decline of the moral standards. This increase in the rate of divorce raises some questions. Is it becoming impossible to “live till death do us part?”  Is there no security in marriage any longer? What are the causes of the present high rate of divorce?

The possibility of living happily forever after depends not only on avoiding those negative factors which create unhappiness in the home but also on embarking on more positive techniques of making provision for those attitudes which strengthen the matrimonial bond.

It is significant that many of the circumstances which tend to reinforce affection between husband and wife should be given adequate attention. As in courtship, attention to the niceties and appreciation make the couple close; so in married life, continuing these small attentions and tokens of esteem perpetuates the pleasure of companionship.

Before marriage lovers find every possible occasion to spend time together but after marriage increased responsibilities and new obligations make it very difficult to share as many enjoyable occasions as before marriage. Even though the wife is very busy with housekeeping and even though the husband feels that it is necessary to spend a lot of time making a living, proper sacrifice must be made in order to provide time for enjoyable occasions together.

Married life, even though strenuous, should not be allowed to become monotonous, lacking excitement and variety. It is well for both husband and wife to perpetuate those courtesies which characterized their earlier relationship. Not only should the old courtesies be continued, but new techniques should be invented from time to time which serve to give tangible evidence of genuine affection.

Celebrating a partner’s birthday as generously as the family budget permits is one of the ways of appreciating the person whose birthday it is. Forgetting the birthday of your spouse strongly implies a loss of regard. Each anniversary provides an opportunity for a couple to rehearse the memories of their wedding day, to review their vow of fidelity, and to relive the thrills of the establishment of their own happy home.

Perhaps the wife has advantage in this matter, because she can acquire the recipe of an exotic dish to surprise her husband or fix his favorite dish. The man should not allow his wife to outdo him. He should find occasion to bring her gifts or surprise her with plan for an evening outing which may brush away the routine of her usual program. This will add vitality to the time spent in each other’s company. Gifts need not be so elaborate or expensive, just as they indicate his thoughtfulness in remembering her and his attempt to make her life more pleasant.

Carelessness in personal appearance especially among wives has the effect of diminishing attraction and respect. During courtship husband and wife took pride in looking their best whenever they have a date. It is unfortunate that after marriage the couple adopt “I don’t care” attitude. Continued neatness in personal appearance not only helps your partner to take pride in your companionship but also preserve your self-respect.

Good sportsmanship is a virtue which pays high dividends in the life of any couple. The husband or wife who can accept disappointment without becoming sour endears himself to his partner in such a way as to build for lasting happiness. The wife, who becomes upset because an unavoidable business engagement has prevented her husband from coming home as early as he has anticipated, is giving evidence of her self-centeredness and is making it easy for her husband to assume that she does not appreciate his efforts in providing for the family.

Sometimes poor sportsmanship takes the form of ill health so that the wife or husband feigns illness in order to make unfair demands on his mate. Genuine illness, of course, deserves proper consideration. But the type of invalidism which results from an unwillingness to play the game of marriage by the rule, tends to break down the bonds of sympathy which naturally hold husband and wife together.

When a man and his wife disagree on things like which type of furniture to buy or where should they build their house, sometimes the husband might concede to the choice of his wife. Other times he may say, “I have heard your view, but in this case let’s go with my suggestion.” The wife should submit to him in the spirit of sportsmanship.

Rose admitted that her marriage had not been a happy one. She blamed her husband, and claimed that he had been inconsiderate of her, especially with respect to the intimacies of married life.

After four years had passed since her marriage, she was becoming reconciled to the idea that she would never be really happy. She expressed her grim determination, however, to put up with the situation, for the sake of her children.

She had had a thrilling courtship. She had been a beautiful girl, and Jackson was the kind of man that every girl wanted. Their friends had often commented that they were indeed fortunate in having each other and a prospect for future happiness.

During courtship there had no question in their minds as whether they were compatible. They enjoyed each other’s company, and looked forward with eagerness and anticipation to continuing their relationship in their own home. Unfortunately things didn’t turn out the way Rose envisioned.

The husband or wife who feels that his marriage is a failure is thereby admitting his own shortcomings rather than those of his mate. It is true that no one is perfect, but it is equally true, in cases of marital disharmony, that the fault is practically never one-sided. In almost all cases, if the partners are willing to approach the problems unselfishly, it could bring about a favorable alteration of the circumstances with the result that a satisfactory adjustment might be reached.

A school of thought advocates that there is a Mr. Right for every woman and Mrs. Right for every man. If you accept the statement, when you start to discover some of your spouse’s glaring weaknesses, the conclusion you are likely to reach is that you have married the wrong person, and that the right person is still out there waiting for your discovery. You may be tempted to go on the prowl outside the marriage for the so-called the right person.

When you subscribe to the notion that there is one perfect person for you; you tend to believe that once you find him, there will be no more problems in your relationship. Certainly, that notion is not correct, all marriage need some adjustment in the personalities of the couple to work out fine. What you should look for at the beginning is a partner who exhibits the character qualities that is known in a lifelong partner.

It is important that a husband and a wife should feel free to point out mistakes to each other. If done with humility and kindness, a great deal of benefit can result from such frank discussions. No one likes to be humiliated in front of others, so criticisms and suggestions should be made when the couple is alone.

Even under ideal situations occasional differences of opinion develop between husband and wife. Depending upon the nature of the differences and the personalities of the couple concerned, these differences, even though trivial, may be hard to reconcile. If handled carelessly, they may even serve as the means of destroying the marital bond. Make sure that no drastic decisions resulting from differences of opinion are made suddenly. It is unwise to make a decision until one has had time to give it a good thought.

Psalm 127:1 says: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it…” scripture gives us the advice to pray to God to sustain our marriage. Today, people are not allowing the Lord to build their homes, so their labor is in vain.

When the facts raised in this book are followed consistently it will be the means of providing a thrilling demonstration that two persons can live happily forever after marriage. Mimi Schwartz wrote, “Long term marriage is about reinventing yourself and your marriage many times, so that neither gets into a rut.”

               

Please reach me on tonymodus@gmail.com if you want a lasting relationship. Happy and joy in relationship is possible. Please don't give money to anybody for love or relationship; it never works. True love does not cost money.