Tuesday, 16 January 2018

My nipples and clitoris are very sensitive. Could it be my husband’s technique?

We are recently married and I can no longer enjoy stimulation. I have never had this problem before, but I have undergone major surgery and a termination
I am 33 and newly married. I have come not to enjoy nipple or clitoral stimulation by my husband. My parts are very sensitive and I find such stimulation overwhelming. I was abused as a child, but have not had this problem before. There is a chance that it’s my new husband’s technique, but I have also had major surgery and a termination of pregnancy, which could be contributory factors.
It is essential that you share all of this with your husband. Surgery certainly can contribute to physical sensitivity, while a history of abuse can affect one’s long-term sexuality in a number of ways and requires professional help. But your husband also needs to join with you in seeking answers and in improving sensation.
Help him to understand your exact feelings, and ask very specifically for what you need. Many women are afraid to say anything critical about a partner’s technique, or to disclose their sexual fragility. But, if gently presented in a non-blaming fashion, it can lead to better sex, as well as greater closeness and bonding. You both deserve to be known to each other for who you really are sexually – at every point in your lives together; this is a cornerstone of intimacy. When sharing truths about your sexual needs, always begin by reaffirming your love and by letting him know the positive things you enjoy about lovemaking with him. Then help him to fully understand your specific physical sensitivities, and try to be brave enough to share your masturbation technique with him. Gently micromanage his efforts until he gets it right, then reward him in the best possible way – including implementing his requests for improved technique on your part.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

Friday, 12 January 2018

Serena Williams on Motherhood, Marriage, and Making Her Comeback

On a moist South Florida morning at the end of a relentless hurricane season, their wedding only a week away, Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian are seated side by side at their long kitchen table discussing the Marshmallow Test. Some 50 years ago, in a famous experiment, the Stanford University psychologist Walter Mischel invited children to choose between a small immediate reward, such as a marshmallow, or, if they could sit and wait for fifteen minutes, a larger prize. The children who found ways to stave off temptation—by singing songs or pulling pigtails—went on to have higher SAT scores and lower body-mass indexes than their ravenous peers.
“I would have eaten that marshmallow,” says Serena, who, in conspicuous contrast to that image, sips a radioactive-looking broth, which she nudged her chef to prepare after reading online that ginger and turmeric were supposed to aid in breast-milk production. She positions this tincture on a stack of gold lamé swatches: Golden Harvest, Gold L’Amour, Golden Daydream, Victorian Gold. One of these will be selected for the tablecloths at the wedding dinner. Thinking better of her coaster choice, she shifts her glass to a stack of photocopied pages from assorted newborn instruction manuals. Serena loves printing and collating and stacking. She loves paper. She is the analog to her husband-to-be’s digital.
“Are you kidding?” Alexis shoots back. “You would never eat that marshmallow. You would stare down that marshmallow like it was the enemy. It would be Serena versus the marshmallow.”
“You’re right,” she admits with a squeak of laughter. “But it would have been fear. I would have been scared to eat it. I would have been like, Am I supposed to eat this? Am I going to get in trouble if I eat this?”
Watch Serena Williams Absolutely Tear Up an Airport Runway:
It’s no secret that a high capacity to delay gratification—to place discipline and self-sacrifice in the service of a dream that shimmers in the distance like a mirage—is among the distinguishing characteristics of the elite athlete. Serena is a special case, of course, an athlete whose unique gifts fused with years of hard work to produce an avalanche of victories—more, she swears, than she ever dreamed of as a braided nine-year-old captured uncomfortably in the pages of her local newspaper. A more painful vision of reality has also encroached over the years: the drive-by murder of her older sister Yetunde Price, in 2003; a slip on a piece of broken glass at a Munich restaurant that led to pulmonary embolisms, which in turn led to a year on the sidelines (and then, somehow, after age 30, the five most brilliant seasons of her career). One gratification she always knew she’d be keeping on the back burner was motherhood. But on September 1, Alexis Olympia Ohanian Jr. arrived. Serena calls her Olympia. Alexis prefers Junior.
Months earlier, when she was pregnant, Serena had confessed to me that she worried intensely about whether she’d make a good mother. She is a perfectionist, she is rule-bound (“Am I allowed to eat that marshmallow?”), and her longtime fans know that her fiery self-belief is sometimes undercut with self-doubt; in fact, that tension is part of what makes a Serena Williams match such nail-biting entertainment. Two rather harrowing months after giving birth, though, Mother has her sea legs—just in time to get those legs back onto the tennis court. From her new vantage point, Olympia is both irresistible temptation and ultimate reality check.
“We’re not spending a day apart until she’s eighteen,” Serena says, only half-joking. “Now that I’m 36 and I look at my baby, I remember that this was also one of my goals when I was little, before tennis took over, when I was still kind of a normal girl who played with dolls. Oh, my God, I loved my dolls.” She breaks into the jingle for Baby Alive, the doll with an eerie array of lifelike bodily functions: “I love the way you make me feel,” she croons in a cracking falsetto. “You’re so real.” Serena named her Baby Alive Victoria, drawn even then to triumphal monikers. Suddenly, shrieking with laughter, she’s on YouTube watching eighties TV commercials in which little girls in soft focus change their dolls’ wet diapers.
“To be honest, there’s something really attractive about the idea of moving to San Francisco and just being a mom,” she says. Reddit, the news aggregator of which Alexis is a cofounder, is based there, and they’ve just found a house in Silicon Valley. “But not yet. Maybe this goes without saying, but it needs to be said in a powerful way: I absolutely want more Grand Slams. I’m well aware of the record books, unfortunately. It’s not a secret that I have my sights on 25.” She means 25 Grand Slam victories, which would surpass the record of 24 held by the Australian tennis legend Margaret Court and make her the undisputed greatest of all time. (Serena, already widely regarded as the best there ever was, currently owns 23.) “And actually, I think having a baby might help. When I’m too anxious I lose matches, and I feel like a lot of that anxiety disappeared when Olympia was born. Knowing I’ve got this beautiful baby to go home to makes me feel like I don’t have to play another match. I don’t need the money or the titles or the prestige. I want them, but I don’t need them. That’s a different feeling for me.”
Serena changes into leggings and a T-shirt, and we walk over to the manicured red clay tennis court belonging to a neighbor, hers whenever she wants it. It’s only the third time she’s picked up a racket since giving birth. Her father, Richard Williams, drops by to have a look and to offer a pointer or two. Get your racket back earlier, he advises. Alexis has brought his drone, which sounds like a swarm of bees as it whirs above the court grabbing video footage of the champion and her hitting partner. (“Serena doesn’t dwell on this stuff, but I’m making a point to document it all,” he explains.) She’s not serving yet, and there’s no split-step as she prepares for another ground stroke, but the shots hiss into the corners, and she’s pleased. Just a week earlier, Serena walked the length of a neighborhood block for the first time since returning from the hospital.
Though she had an enviably easy pregnancy, what followed was the greatest medical ordeal of a life that has been punctuated by them. Olympia was born by emergency C-section after her heart rate dove dangerously low during contractions. The surgery went off without a hitch; Alexis cut the cord, and the wailing newborn fell silent the moment she was laid on her mother’s chest. “That was an amazing feeling,” Serena remembers. “And then everything went bad.”
The next day, while recovering in the hospital, Serena suddenly felt short of breath. Because of her history of blood clots, and because she was off her daily anticoagulant regimen due to the recent surgery, she immediately assumed she was having another pulmonary embolism. (Serena lives in fear of blood clots.) She walked out of the hospital room so her mother wouldn’t worry and told the nearest nurse, between gasps, that she needed a CT scan with contrast and IV heparin (a blood thinner) right away. The nurse thought her pain medicine might be making her confused. But Serena insisted, and soon enough a doctor was performing an ultrasound of her legs. “I was like, a Doppler? I told you, I need a CT scan and a heparin drip,” she remembers telling the team. The ultrasound revealed nothing, so they sent her for the CT, and sure enough, several small blood clots had settled in her lungs. Minutes later she was on the drip. “I was like, listen to Dr. Williams!”
But this was just the first chapter of a six-day drama. Her fresh C-section wound popped open from the intense coughing spells caused by the pulmonary embolism, and when she returned to surgery, they found that a large hematoma had flooded her abdomen, the result of a medical catch-22 in which the potentially lifesaving blood thinner caused hemorrhaging at the site of her C-section. She returned yet again to the OR to have a filter inserted into a major vein, in order to prevent more clots from dislodging and traveling into her lungs. Serena came home a week later only to find that the night nurse had fallen through, and she spent the first six weeks of motherhood unable to get out of bed. “I was happy to change diapers,” Alexis says, “but on top of everything she was going through, the feeling of not being able to help made it even harder. Consider for a moment that your body is one of the greatest things on this planet, and you’re trapped in it.”
The first couple of months of motherhood have tested Serena in ways she never imagined. “Sometimes I get really down and feel like, Man, I can’t do this,” she says. “It’s that same negative attitude I have on the court sometimes. I guess that’s just who I am. No one talks about the low moments—the pressure you feel, the incredible letdown every time you hear the baby cry. I’ve broken down I don’t know how many times. Or I’ll get angry about the crying, then sad about being angry, and then guilty, like, Why do I feel so sad when I have a beautiful baby? The emotions are insane.” Her mother, Oracene Price, has been staying in Florida to help out. She has encouraged Serena to relax around her daughter and is making the case for a strict parenting style in an era in which children often have the last word. “Obedience brings protection; that’s what my mom told me,” Serena says. “That’s straight from the Bible, and she wrote it down on paper and gave it to me. I was always obedient: Whatever my parents told me to do, I did. There was no discussion. Maybe I had a little rebellious phase in my 20s, when I tried liquor for the first time. Maybe having a baby on the tennis tour is the most rebellious thing I could ever do.”
Oracene says that she mainly bites her tongue, that daughters don’t tend to respond well to parenting advice from their own moms. Her primary concern right now is that Serena find a healthy equilibrium. “Serena works herself too hard,” Oracene explains. “She’s always been that way, ever since she was a little girl. She’s going to need to learn to slow down. She’s responsible for another life now. You should see how they travel with that baby. They pack everything! It’s a bit extravagant for me. But once she’s back on the tour, she’ll find a balance.”
Her tennis friends have been broadly supportive, especially the dads. Stanislas Wawrinka gave Olympia a pair of tiny blue Tod’s driving loafers, and Novak Djokovic continues to send articles in accordance with his everything-natural philosophy. Serena and Novak call their babies doubles partners since they were born a day apart. Roger Federer, in some respects her only real rival on the tour—the person she’s always sought to keep pace with, the person she refuses to retire before—now has two sets of twins. “It’s so unfair,” Se­rena complains. “He produced four babies and barely missed a tournament. I can’t even imagine where I’d be with twins right now. Probably at the bottom of the pool.”
Facebook’s Sheryl Sandberg is a longtime hero of Serena’s, and in the last year she has offered invaluable advice about marriage and motherhood. The two met years ago after Serena, in an interview, was asked to name someone she’d like to have dinner with and chose Sandberg. “I saw that, and I called her and said, ‘I’d love to have dinner with you!’ ” Sandberg recalls. They did not become close until after Sandberg’s husband, Dave Goldberg, died unexpectedly in 2015. “Serena really stepped up. I’d get texts and emails from her from all over the world telling me how strong I was at a time when I didn’t feel strong. She had experienced loss in her own life, and I think she knew what to do.”
Many of her friends from women’s tennis—Caroline Wozniacki, Svetlana Kuznetsova, Angelique Kerber—have reached out to remind her how much she’s been missed this year. This is hugely important to Serena, who insists that contrary to the rumors, this is a group of women that genuinely cares for and respects one another. “I really believe that we have to build each other up and build our tour up,” she says. “The women in Billie Jean King’s day supported each other even though they competed fiercely. We’ve got to do that. That’s kind of the mark I want to leave. Play each other hard, but keep growing the sport.”
Back at the house, Olympia has awoken from her nap. Serena lays her on a play mat in the TV room so that they can do some tandem exercises while Chip, the Yorkie, runs in circles around them, eager to get in on the action. Mother tests out a few crunches, but her stomach is still too weak; baby kicks out her chubby legs a few times, which proves irresistible to Serena, who rolls over and grabs them. “They’re not calves!” she says. “They’re not ankles! What are they? That’s right—Mommy loves your cankles!”
“I think she got them from me,” says Alexis, overhearing, from the next room.
Olympia tries to wriggle out of the baby gym, with its dumbbell-shaped rattles, but Serena says not so fast. “Some other seven-week-old is in the gym right now working,” she jokes. But she has no wish to push her daughter onto the court. To her mother’s horror, Olympia sat transfixed by the Argentine star Juan Martín del Potro recently. “I was distraught when I saw her,” says Se­rena. “I would hate her to have to deal with comparisons or expectations. It’s so much work, and I’ve given up so much. I don’t regret it, but it’s like Sliding Doors: Go through a different door and lead a different life. I’d like her to have a normal life. I didn’t have that.”
“She’s obviously going to have a very special life,” Alexis says, “but there are enough cautionary tales about kids who grow up in the spotlight. How do you make your kid live in reality when your own reality is so . . . unreal? This kid is going to have more Instagram followers than me in about three weeks.” (At press time, baby was narrowing her father’s lead.)
The biggest question in women’s tennis last year was who would end up number one in Serena’s absence, and the answer didn’t become clear until the penultimate day of the season, when Serena’s friend Simona Halep, of Romania, snuck off with the crown. It could have been anybody, really, including the tour’s elder stateswoman, Venus Williams, who at age 37 was a couple of victories from the number-one ranking. The fact that Venus’s extraordinary year coincided with Serena’s absence from the tour is not lost on her younger sister. “I know that her career might have been different if she had had my health,” Serena says, clinging to the fantasy of sisterly parity. “I know how hard she works. I hate playing her because she gets this look on her face where she just looks sad if she’s losing. Solemn. It breaks my heart. So when I play her now, I absolutely don’t look at her, because if she gets that look, then I’ll start feeling bad, and the next thing you know I’ll be losing. I think that’s when the turning point came in our rivalry, when I stopped looking at her.”
The truth is that dominant number ones like Serena are rare, and no one has made a bold declaration during her absence. “It’s interesting,” she muses. “There hasn’t been a clear number one since I was there. It will be cool to see if I get there again, to what I call my spot—where I feel I belong. I don’t play to be the second best or the third best. If there’s no clear number one, it’s like, yeah, I can get my spot back. But if there is a clear number one, that’s cool, too, because it’s like, yeah, I’m gonna come for you.”
Serena is never more lethal than when she zeroes in on a target. (Just ask Maria Sharapova.) She had hoped to defend her Australian Open title in January, but the recent medical gantlet has forced her to move her return date to March, where she’d like to play for the trophy at Indian Wells. She has set her sights beyond the tennis court as well. She will debut a new clothing line in March on her website. She continues to invest in tech ventures owned or led by women and African Americans. Her philanthropic endeavors focus on children and education. Although she thinks she’d be a terrible tennis coach, she imagines it would be gratifying to mentor an emerging player. (She admires the young and powerful Russian Daria Kasatkina.) And she would like to have more children, though she’s in no rush.
“I remember how stressed I was about getting to Grand Slam number eighteen, tying Chrissie and Martina,” she says. “I had lost every Grand Slam that year. I was in the U.S. Open, and Patrick [Mouratoglou], my coach, said, ‘Serena, this doesn’t make sense. You’re so stressed about eighteen. Why not 30? Why not 40?’ For me, that clicked. I won eighteen, nineteen, and 20 right after that. Why would I want to stand side by side when I can stand out on my own? I think sometimes women limit themselves. I’m not sure why we think that way, but I know that we’re sometimes taught to not dream as big as men, not to believe we can be a president or a CEO, when in the same household, a male child is told he can be anything he wants. I’m so glad I had a daughter. I want to teach her that there are no limits.”
Recently Serena agreed to sit on the board of the Billie Jean King Leadership Initiative, whose mission is to nurture a more diverse and inclusive corps of future leaders. “I’ve been telling people that I think Serena, with her prowess and her platform, can do more than I ever dreamed of—not just for women or for people of color but for all people,” says King. “I’ve been trying to figure out who I’m going to pass the torch to. Serena’s speaking like a leader and talking about making a difference in the world. Personally I’d like to see her get into politics. Why not run for president? But first I’d like to see her break every record—to be the big kahuna.”
For guests at Serena and Alexis’s wedding, on a Thursday last November at New Orleans’s Contemporary Arts Center, it was hard not to be knocked over by the collective power of the assembled women, among them Beyoncé Knowles, Caroline Wozniacki, Eva Longoria, Kim Kardashian West, and Ciara. The Tony Award–winning singer-actress Cynthia Erivo delivered a knockout rendition of “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman” at the reception. “I never wanted a traditional wedding,” Serena says. “I wanted a strong wedding.”
Strength is much more than a mere physical detail for Serena Williams; it is a guiding principle. She had it in mind last summer as she considered what to call her baby, Googling names that derive from words for strong in a mix of languages before settling on something Greek. But with Olympia home and healthy and the wedding behind her, it’s time to shift focus to her day job. She knows that she’s hurtling toward immortality, and she doesn’t take it lightly.
“I’ve been playing tennis since before my memories started,” she says. “At my age, I see the finish line. And when you see the finish line, you don’t slow down. You speed up.”
Article  culled from Vogue

9 Guys Confess How They Caught Their Partners Cheating

"I went downstairs to get a drink and she was on a couch hardcore making out with some dude."

1. “I had a feeling something was going on behind my back, just because [my ex] had a lot of ‘late nights working’ and a lot of ‘girls nights’ all of the sudden. I pushed her on the issue a few times, but she denied it. I absolutely should’ve just trusted my gut. But the third time when I pushed her on it and didn’t back down, she just admitted it. I walked out and never talked to her again. I don’t think she even deserved any follow-up or closure or a chance to explain. To me, it wasn’t just that she was cheating with some other guy, it was that she lied to me multiple times. Why even bother with that?” — Adam, 28
2. “It started because I got a text that I was pretty certain was for someone else. She had told me she was sick so she wasn’t going to come over. Then about a half hour later I get a message that she was coming over in a half hour and she was excited to see me. It seemed really out of place. She followed up quickly by explaining away that she felt better for a second and was going to come visit after all, but then threw up again. It wasn’t enough for me to drive over to her place and check on her; I didn’t want to look crazy. I did snoop through her phone later and found enough incriminating messages that I broke it off.” — Charles, 29
3. “I found out through a mutual friend who saw her out with some guy at a local dive bar. She denied it, but the friend really had no reason to lie. After we broke up she started dating the guy she was out at that bar with, so I’m pretty sure I made the right choice.” — Rob, 27
4. “We had been dating for a few months and went to a house party together. I went downstairs to get a drink and she was on a couch hardcore making out with some dude. I didn’t even say anything, just left and never spoke to her again. There were a lot of other unrelated red flags in the relationship that I ignored. That just sealed the deal for me.” — Devin, 26
5. “She started hanging out with a group of friends I didn’t know well and I honestly didn’t like them. We had been dating since we were like, freshman in high school, and I’m pretty sure a part of me knew this was the beginning of the end. I had started to check out myself, too. I kinda figured she was cheating and she eventually confessed it when we broke up.” — Russell, 30
6. “My ex and I moved in together right after college to a city pretty close to where we had gone to school. I had gotten an entry level job in my field and she hadn’t yet, and was making ends meet with a retail gig during her job search. It started to drive a wedge between us. I was trying to be helpful and supportive, but she always thought I was being judgmental. Anyway, I had a half day that I guess she didn’t know about and I came home to her having sex with her coworker. There was this weird moment before I opened the door where I could hear what was going on and I had to decide if I even wanted to see it going down. It only lasted a split-second, but there was still this little self-check moment: ‘You sure about this?’ I whipped open the door and screamed. She’s doing fine now and even tried to rekindle things with me recently, but I have a hard rule on no cheating. Plus, if that’s going to be her reaction whenever things aren’t going great, why would I want to spend my life with her?” — Will, 27
7. “This is one that I still have trouble wrapping my head around. I was dating this girl who I had known for a while in my circle of friends, and she had recently broken up with a guy who I also knew from this same group. Things seemed good. I even ran into this guy at a party and we talked a bit and he basically gave us his blessing. And then about three months into our relationship I find out from his best friend (who was also my friend) that they’d basically still been hooking up since they broke up. I asked her about it and ended things. I just don’t get what the hell either of them were thinking. I still don’t. If you want to break up and hook up, fine. But why see other people and lie to them about it? ” — Sam, 28
8. “My ex kept texting a ‘coworker’ named Jen. She’d get messages sometimes at weird times of the night or while we were out on the weekends, but her whole thing was just that her and Jen were really close at work and Jen was going through some rough times. She even took a phone call from ‘Jen’ once when we were out on a date because she had apparently gotten hospitalized. Then one night, we’re in bed together and she’s asleep, and her phone goes off. I look at it, and ‘Jen’ texted her something to the effect of ‘I want to fuck you so bad.’ It turns out she had this dude saved in her phone as Jen and made up the whole backstory so she’d have an excuse if she ever got messages while we were out. I woke her up, and she tried to deny it for some reason, even though she’d been caught red-handed and I’d seen enough of the conversation history to basically piece this all together on my own. That ended that.” — Brandon, 28
9. “So early on when we started dating, she had cheated on me. It became this huge argument, and she felt like we weren’t officially a couple at the time so she didn’t realize it, but now she knew she loved me and cared for me and all this stuff. I had found out about it a few weeks after it had happened and she swore up and down it was just a stupid mistake. She didn’t tell me since she felt like she didn’t technically do anything wrong at the time. A month later, I went to meet her at a restaurant. My table had a pretty good view of the street, and I saw her get dropped off by this guy. To clarify, I knew who he was because he was a friend of a friend of a friend type-deal, not a total stranger. At that point I knew she was manipulating me. What I did next probably wasn’t the most mature response, but I don’t really care. It pissed me off that she would literally get dropped off by this dude she was clearly hooking up with right before she came to see me. I acted like everything was fine, which was tough. I ordered a bunch of expensive stuff, had dinner, and then ‘went to the bathroom’ but really I just left. She texted me incredibly angrily until I said ‘I know everything.’ She didn’t respond after that.” — Joe, 29

Article By Frank Kobola culled from FlipDigest.

Monday, 8 January 2018

23 Ways Of How To Be A Kind Wife

A lot of people are confused about marriage these days. In the eyes of many, the institution of marriage has become irrelevant and archaic relic. The longer you are married, the more effort is required to stay remain married, so remember often, why you married him instead of why you shouldn't have. Remind yourself of the good feelings you had before it got hard and complicated. We live in a time when marriage has largely lost the sense of permanence.  Marriage doesn’t last any longer. Put on a cloak of kindness because marriage is the deepest and most intimate of all human relationships. Every man wants a good wife, and every woman wants to be one. Kindness is a virtue.  Most of the qualities needed to be a kind wife are already there in a woman, and the rest can be developed or learned. Sometimes it calls us to sacrifice our pride, sometimes it calls us to walk in courage, and other times it requires both. There’s no room for kindness in a heart full of pride. Marriage is not an easy relationship to maintain. With countless marriages ending up in divorce, it is high time to shed some light on what makes a successful marriage. So what does a woman need to be a kind wife? Irrespective of the fact that no two women are similar, some basic qualities apply to all. I have composed a list of 20 suggestions of simple things women can do to be kind wife. A surefire way to focus on your husband and make him feel like he's your number one man of all time is to treat him with kindness. I challenge you to make a significant difference in your marriage by focusing solely on being kind.
1. Apologize quickly
 If you know you're in the wrong, just say, “ I'm sorry.” Most people find it very difficult to apologize when they are wrong. 
2. Brag about him publicly to someone else
 When, you’re among his or your friends, make sure to say something nice about him. Extort his good qualities. Tell them your husband is reliable, hardworking, considerate, etc and how you’re so proud of him.
3. Go On Dates
You may have big responsibilities on your shoulders, but those should not be a hindrance to romance. Going out now and then will rekindle the romance as the spark between you and your husband should not be allowed to die. Go on dates whenever you can, like you used to do before you got married. It is wrong to believe that is only men that can initiate outing. Go out for dinner and a movie or arrange a picnic for two. A great date will leave a lasting impression. 
4. Find out his love language
Study what makes him happy and feel loved and try to give it to him. It could be physical touch, quality time, receiving gift, etc. Your husband is sure to be thankful for your consideration and for recreating the magic.
5. Express Your Love
Do one small thing every day to show him that you love him because hiding love does not help your relationship. He needs to know how much you admire him.  Let him know that you still think he's attractive, a hard worker, and an amazing dad and that you are a lucky woman to be his wife. Your partner will appreciate if you are expressive about your love for him if you celebrate the little things with him, remember special days in his life and get occasional gifts that will make him smile. At least once a week do something romantic. Leave sweet love notes for him and leave it on the dashboard of her car. Who doesn't love a little love note on actual paper every once in a while?
6. Show Appreciation
Show your husband that you appreciate everything that he does for you and your family.  A simple “thank you” can make a difference in your relationship. When your spouse makes the effort to do something nice for you, show your appreciation. It is also heartening to know your thoughts and actions have been appreciated.
7. Smile and Laugh a Lot
Greet him whenever he comes in the door with a big smile, a bright face and a happy hello. Smile at him for no reason at all. A sense of humor keeps a marriage cordial. If he gets home before you, come into your house with a smile; happy to be home to him.
8. Communicate Always
Good communication is crucial for a successful marriage. Have calm heart-to-hearts instead of going hostile on him when something bothers you. When you communicate properly with your husband, he will be willing to listen to you. Listen when he's talking about his day. Ask him how his day was and actually care about the answer. Communicate by restraining yourself from doing all the talking. Give your spouse the courtesy to share in the conversation. Listen well, and listen more than you talk. It will also make him want to communicate with you.
9. Spend Quality Time With Him
Put your laptop, switch off the television and put your cellphone away and focus on him. Give him your undivided attention. Everyone knows it's not that fun to talk to someone who's also scrolling through cellphone or reading email or watching movie.
10. Prepare his favorite food
Put a little effort into making his favorite food, and see your love grows deeper. Food is the way to a man’s heart.
11. Give Him Space
Let him spend time with friends. You need to realize and accept that your husband has a life separate from you. He has other people and relationships too, such as his parents, siblings, and friends. He also has his interests and hobbies. Do not stop him from having this other life. Giving him space is important in any relationship and this will make him love you more.
12. Stop Nagging
Do not nag when problems arise. Instead, talk to him in a way, that makes him want to listen to you and resolve any problems that might have arisen. If you nag and complain constantly, it can create an unwanted rift between you and your husband. This could create complications, forcing him to avoid you; and things could turn worse as time passes. You cannot expect your husband to like you if he feels that you are constantly disappointed with him.
13. Keep Him Happy In Bed
Every marriage requires sexual intimacy. Making your husband happy in bed is essential to cordial relationship. If you do not, he might look for gratification elsewhere.
14. Keep Your Home Organized
No one wants to live in a house that is in a mess including your husband. Keep your house neat and clean at all times. Think of creative ways to make your home a peaceful sanctuary for him. Chores can be a pain, but necessary. The healthy environment at home will uplift his spirits and mood and it will make him think he is the luckiest man to have a wife like you.
15. Be Interested In His Interests
Write a list in your phone of all the things he mentions that he likes and try sharing them with him; he is sure to appreciate what you are doing and will love the fact that you are enjoying something that he likes. If he mentions he really likes a song you hear on the radio, write down the title. Help him to have fun. Put the song he likes on the stereo and make his favorite food. This way, you both can spend time enjoying an activity together.   
16. Be His Best Friend
The best marriage is the one where the couple is each other’s greatest and most trusted friend. A kind woman will allow a healthy friendship to develop between her and her husband, and this will make a difference in their relationship.
17. Be Respectful
Respect is denoted by the kindness and reverence that you show toward your husband. Treat him with the ultimate respect always especially when his friends and his family are around. Think before you speak so that you don’t say things you may regret later. Mutual respect is important in any relationship. So respect your husband so that your husband will respect you. Do not belittle, humiliate, strike or harm him in any way, whether in private or public.
18. Fight Fair
There is no married couple that does not have fights? In fact, every relationship has its share of differences. Speak softly, especially during times of anger and stress because Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath.” The louder it gets, the worse things become. Spend time praying about it first, and then respectfully address your feelings with your man. Don't bury feelings and then explode. A kind wife weighs the importance of the issue know and which fights are necessary and which are not. She shrug off the tiny irritations.  If it's not really that big of a deal, she doesn't make it one.
19. Seek His Advice
 Don't pretend to know it all. Ask for his advice over issues happening in your personal life. Incorporate his opinions into your life as much as you can and you will see how happy it would make your spouse. It will make him know you treasure his opinion.
20. Improve Compatibility
You and your husband were attracted to each other because of some traits you admire in each other. However, after some time dissimilarity may crops up, this does not you are incompatible. As a kind wife, you have to make yourself compatible with your husband by resolving conflicts and making compromises.
21. Learn to forgive
As a kind wife, learn to forgive because it helps the forgiven become a better person. You need to forgive so that you can be forgiven also when you err. Don't dwell on past mistakes. Stop looking behind; you are not going that way. Look forward; learn to forgive, and forget, then move on because it is emotionally healing.
22. Compromise
Making compromise means making concessions. Making sacrifice is part of marriage because a happy marriage is give and take, so be ready to make some sacrifices in your marriage.
23. Look Good
 Take care of yourself and look good after marriage because many women make a mistake of ignoring their looks after marriage. Men love having a wife who takes care of herself and looks good. Looking good, will enhance your confidence and self-esteem, and make you attractive to your husband. Your looks will keep your husband attracted to you and will make him keep his attention on you. Maintain your health as well by engaging in exercises, as good health reflects on your looks and mood
24. Accept His Friends
Accept your husband’s friends. You must understand that your husband has friends, realize that they hold a special place in your husband’s heart and he needs to spend time them. Take the time and effort to get to know his friends and he will love you for making an effort to know and welcome them. Women, who try to keep their husbands away from their friends, always ignite disagreement in the home

Article by Anthony Modungwo.
Relationship Coach.

Wednesday, 3 January 2018

31 Things to Stop Doing in 2018

The new year isn't only an opportunity to reset goals; it's also a time to reconsider how you've been leading your life. Take a moment to recap your 2017. What do you regret? What do you wish you could've done more or less of? Let that all fuel a better year and a better you in 2018. To put your well-being and happiness at the forefront, stop doing these 31 things ahead.
  1. Caring about what others think.
  2. Ignoring what your body is telling you (if you need sleep, sleep!).
  3. Justifying every unnecessary purchase as something you "deserve."
  4. Keeping negative people around.
  5. Putting so much pressure on yourself.
  6. Saying yes to things you don't want to do.
  7. Neglecting your physical health.
  8. Playing it safe.
  9. Putting your passions aside.
  10. Wasting your energy on people who don't deserve it.
  11. Allowing others to dictate your life.
  12. Getting caught up in drama.
  13. Delaying overdue catch-ups with friends.
  14. Being afraid of change.
  15. Getting upset over trivial things.
  16. Putting the needs of others before your own.
  17. Criticizing yourself.
  18. Worrying about things out of your control.
  19. Ignoring calls from your parents or loved ones (no matter how crazy they drive you).
  20. Neglecting your personal happiness.
  21. Letting fear win.
  22. Caring so much about social media.
  23. Dwelling on the past.
  24. Forgetting about self-care.
  25. Trying to please everyone.
  26. Treating your body like you're invincible.
  27. Passing up amazing opportunities.
  28. Taking things so seriously.
  29. Settling for less.
  30. Allowing others to bring you down.
  31. Living every day like tomorrow's guaranteed
Article by  culled from POPSUGAR

Monday, 1 January 2018

How To Be A Perfect Girlfriend/Wife — 12 Simple Tricks

Relationships are never easy – they take hard work. But you can make sure you’re doing your part by trying to check at least three of the below points off your list, and your man will feel the positive vibes ten-fold.
1. Never be passive aggressive – it will be the downfall of your relationship. Instead, ensure proper communication and a straight-forward manner of doing things. Don’t make him play guessing games when something is wrong.
2. Show your appreciation! Whether it’s an expensive date night, or just taking out the trash, if your man puts in effort in your relationship, not only should you reciprocate, but make sure he feels the love!
3. Respect your man, and yourself. Low self esteem will make you a worse partner. Respect might seem like a formality, but it’s necessary in every step of your relationship.
4. Let him have his independence and space. But same goes for your own! If you give each other sufficient space, getting through milestones like moving in together and marriage will become a lot less scary.
5. Take care of yourself – just because you’re comfy in a long term relationship doesn’t mean you need to stop maintaining appearances. Keep at the grooming, blow outs, and skincare that gives you that ultra glow. And please don’t stop shaving your legs!
6. Don’t be high maintenance or a drama queen. If something doesn’t work out in a situation, learn how to be adaptable. Tackling issues together will bring you closer, but complaining and whining about it is a fight waiting to happen.
7. Realize boundaries still exist no matter snow close you are or how long you’ve been together. Boundaries are essential so that he understands what your no-go zone is, and same for you. No boundaries can lead to clinginess and control problems.
8. Be a great conversationalist. Men are always intrigued by a woman that they can just talk for hours with, about anything and everything. If you have dinner and all your hear is crickets, that relationship probably won’t last much longer.
9. Let your man be himself, and make sure to be yourself at all times. Accepting someone for their true selves and vice versa is the key to being happy in your relationship. You can only pretend you’re someone else, or try to change someone for so long before it backfires.
10. Learn how to cook! Help your man be healthy, remember the way to his heart is his stomach, in most cases. Cooking is a great way to make him fresh, healthy food that’s probably more impressive than his current eating habits, and cooking together is a sensual bonding experience.
11. Surprise him with little things every now and then. Just like a guy might bring you flowers or a yummy chocolate treat to remind you how special you are to him, you can surprise him with treats as well (bedroom favors don’t count.) What about some new joggers or that beard oil he’s had his eye on?
12. Show him tough love, but don’t be a nag. And yes, there’s a difference. Nagging is exhausting and just makes people feel bad about themselves, whereas tough love helps him become a better person and just delivers the hard-hitting facts in an honest way.
Article by Chanté Kaety culled from Newione.com

Monday, 18 December 2017

25 Things About Sex That All Men Would Like Their Women To Know

Have you ever wondered why the sex lives of most couples fall in a rut after some time? There's a lot of action, yes, but not the kind they'd really, really like. 
When couples stop having honest conversations about sex, it all goes downhill from there.
Not just a self-pleasuring act, sex is about two people and what they both like. 
And the only way you can really find out what your partner desires is to sit down and talk to them.
To all the women out there, here are 25 things about sex all men would like you to know:
1. There's nothing sexier than a woman taking initiative in bed. Absolutely nothing!
2. Sexy lingerie is always a great idea!
3. When you whisper in our ears, we know you want it just as much as we do.
4. Blowjobs, blowjobs and more blowjobs!
5. Don't be afraid to guide us. We may not want to admit it but we could do with some help!
6. Nothing keeps us in the moment as the sound of our own name.
7. We're up for anything as long as you're in agreement.
8. Take control. And then, take some more!
9. Show us what you'd like us to do to you.
10. Size matters. At least for our ego!
11. Can we watch some porn together?
12. Silent sex is the worst kind. The worst ever!
13. Believe it or not, we do like foreplay!
14. We'd love to go down on you. Don't be shy to ask!
15. Tell us your fantasies. And we'll tell you ours.
16. As tough as it is to believe, we don't always want sex.
17. Your sexual experience is not a bad thing. It's actually good!
18. Porn is not like real-life sex. And we know that!
19. Just like we keep things clean for you, don't forget to do the same for us.
20. The bed is just one of the places. Definitely not the only one. 
21. Sex toys? Bring 'em on!
22. The messier the sex, the better it can be.
23. Your body is indeed a wonderland!
24. If you haven't climaxed, let us know and we'll try harder!
25. We love having sex with you!
Article by  Saurav Bhanot culled from SCOOPWHOOP