Thursday, 1 February 2018

The 36 Questions Scientists Say Can Make Any Two People Fall in Love


Love is more than a feeling; it's a choice.

Relationships are hard. They can bring out the best in us, yes, but also the worst. They test the very essence of our beings: our capacity for forgiveness; our ability to trust (both ourselves and another); the true extent of our self-love; the strength of our boundaries; and the power of attachment.
Anything that can help bring us together, then, should be explored. And one scientific finding about love rises above others in the literature, if only for its rom-com level of magic.
Yes, I'm talking about the study made famous by the viral New York Times article by psychologist Mandy Len Catron. It not only outlined the original study, but backed it up by revealing that Catron herself had tested the concept ... and fallen in love with her question-answering companion.
The original research was conducted by psychologist Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University. He split participants up into two groups, then had people pair up to talk to one another for 45 minutes. One group made small talk; the other received a list of 36 questions they went through one at a time -- a list that got increasingly more personal. They then shared four minutes of sustained eye contact.
If there was ever a question of whether you can generate intimacy in a lab setting, it was answered by this study. Six months later, one of the pairs was in love. When they got married, they invited the whole lab staff to the ceremony.
When Catron, author of the New York Times piece, did the questions with an acquaintance, she wasn't totally prepared, especially for the eye contact at the end:
"[T]he real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected."
The unexpected place? It was a state of being more than anything, and one that led to more connection than perhaps either thought possible.
"I wondered what would come of our interaction. If nothing else, I thought it would make a good story. But I see now that the story isn't about us; it's about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known."
We all want to be known. We want to be known by our friends, our colleagues, our family members, even our neighbors. We want to be seen for what we have to offer, what we provide, for who we are.
But the person we often crave to feel most known by is our partner. This is the person with whom we share the most intimate details of our lives (not to mention our bodies). It's the person who sees us at our best and our worst. The one who knows our history and is a primary part of our future.
We want them to know us -- really know us, and these questions can help. As Catron says, "Most of us think about love as something that happens to us," she said. "We fall. We get crushed. But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action."
There are lots of ways to celebrate upcoming Valentine's Day. This year, consider doing something different. If you're not in a relationship, propose doing this experiment with someone you've always thought was interesting but have yet to take the leap with. What do you have to lose?
And if you're in a relationship, skip the fancy dinner or other high-pressure, conventional thing.
Instead, grab a bottle of wine and make the choice to commit to the magic of the questions. Allow the vulnerability of the answers to carry you even closer together. Take on the challenge of revealing yourself even more deeply to the person you cherish most in the world, and revel in the soul-deep connection that can ensue.
Take action.
Fall in love.
---
Set 1
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you? 
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set 2
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it? 
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 
16. What do you value most in a friendship? 
17. What is your most treasured memory? 
18. What is your most terrible memory? 
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 
20. What does friendship mean to you? 
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's? 
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set 3
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling _______." 
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share _______." 
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met. 
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet? 
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Article by Melanie Curtin culled from FlipDigest.

Wednesday, 31 January 2018

Millions of Americans keep the same dirty secret from their partner


Some people love their money so much they don’t even tell their partner about it.
One in five people in a live-in relationship admit to “financial infidelity” — keeping a private bank account or credit card without telling a partner, according to a study released Monday by CreditCards.com. The survey of 2,000 people found 31% of millennials, 24% of people ages 38 to 53, and 17% of baby boomers have at some point had an account they keep secret from a partner.
Lying about having private accounts is actually more common than many people think, said Kimberly Palmer personal finance expert at NerdWallet. “People are often embarrassed about the money choices they are making, or they want to have a slush fund of spending money they can use without asking permission,” she said.
Although the practice may be common, that doesn’t mean it’s widely-accepted: 31% of those in a relationship think that keeping a credit card, checking account or savings account secret from a partner is worse than cheating physically. “Keeping financial secrets in a relationship, just like any other type of infidelity, is a sure-fire way to spark an argument,” Matt Schulz, senior industry analyst at CreditCards.com said.
People in relationships often have good reason to hide their financial issues: People can judgmental: 40% of Americans saying they wouldn’t date someone who had a bad credit score. Women were nearly three times as likely to consider credit score a major influence on a potential partner compared to men (20% versus 7%). More than half of Americans would not marry someone with significant debt.
Everything, of course, is relative. Financial infidelity can be defined differently by different people, Palmer says, and have varying consequences: Keeping a private credit card account so you can buy your husband gifts without his knowing is different than hiding a low credit score or thousands of dollars in debt. Because of this, couples need to be honest about their financial issues preferably before they move in together and, certainly, before they marry.
The good news: More people have the conversation about their finances before they set up house. Some 30% of couples who do not live together say they have never discussed their combined finances compared to just 11% of those who do live under the same roof. “People experiencing this need to set aside some time for an honest and difficult conversation,” Palmer said. “If you’ve been keeping secrets from your partner, it will do you both good to come clean.”
Article by Karl Paul culled from WSJ

Authoritative Parenting: What It Is and How to Apply It

Authoritative parenting is praised as one of the most effective parenting styles. Get the definition, learn about its effects and get tips on how you can apply it.
By TRACY GUTH SPANGLER 
Mom talking to son on sofa
Camille Tokerud/Getty Images
We all want to find balance in all areas of our lives, including how we take care of our kids. It turns out that the best and most effective parenting style, called authoritative parenting, focuses on just that.

What Is Authoritative Parenting?

Authoritative parenting is characterized by both high expectations and emotional responsiveness. It incorporates clear limits and fair discipline as well as warmth and support, and it’s an approach in which neither the parent nor the child has the upper hand.
In the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind studied child-parent interaction in families with preschool-age children to determine the most common and effective parenting styles. Her groundbreaking research defined three main styles, contrasting the authoritative parent with those who are authoritarian or permissive. Authoritarian parents are highly demanding but offer little emotional support; they simply demand obedience, and are harshly critical when their kids fall short. Permissive parents are warm and loving but don’t set enough limits, and can be reluctant to make rules or follow through on punishments. The child is left with unclear boundaries and expectations and ends up regulating his or her own behavior.

What Is the Authoritative Parenting Style?

The authoritative approach is more moderate, including high standards but also nurture and responsiveness, and engaging in a relationship with the child as an independent-minded being. Authoritative parents don’t let kids get away with bad behavior; they enforce rules and have expectations. But they are also gentle and rational, explaining the reasons for the rules and the consequences for not following them, and even asking for and listening to the child’s opinions about them. According to Baumrind’s research, authoritative parenting is the optimal parenting style, based on the positive effects it has on children.
Authoritative parents share some common characteristics: They set clear and consistent limits. They have high expectations but are warm and nurturing in encouraging their kids to meet them. They listen to and talk with their children, giving them the opportunity to be independent in their thinking and actions, encouraging their opinions, and discussing options with them. They are flexible and reasonable, and their kids know this and can depend on it. When it comes to consequences when expectations aren’t met, they are fair and, again, consistent with discipline.

What Are the Effects Of Authoritative Parenting?

All of this benefits their children enormously. “There are thousands of studies showing that kids develop in healthier ways if their parents are authoritative,” says Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Temple University specializing in child and adolescent psychological development, and the author of The 10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting. “They are happier, more competent, more socially skilled and more popular as a result, and achieve more in school. They are less likely to develop emotional problems, like depression or anxiety, and less likely to develop behavioral problems, like aggression, acting out, delinquency, or substance use.” Children of authoritative parents also develop good emotional control and regulation, as well as self-confidence about learning new skills or being in new and different places and situations. They are assertive and resourceful.
The key is that authoritative parents are role models, and their kids learn these effective relational skills from them. The balance of boundaries and loving support creates a secure attachment between parent and child that benefits everyone, and the child takes these qualities into his or her relationships out in the world, and eventually with his or her own children.

How To Apply This Parenting Style

So how can you be sure you’re parenting authoritatively? “Be warm and affectionate with your kids, but also have clearly articulated rules and expectations for their behavior, and enforce them consistently,” Steinberg says. And of course, the amount of independence you grant your child will depend on when you deem them ready: “Gradually increase the amount of autonomy you grant your child, but in an age-appropriate way, and only as he or she demonstrates the ability to handle it.”
Being involved in your kids’ lives is another crucial aspect of being an authoritative parent, according to Steinberg. In order to be supportive and understanding, and to set expectations and limits, you need to know what’s going on in your child’s life—at home, in school, and during after-school activities. Ask questions and monitor progress; initiate discussions about classes, sports, friends, and what your kids are reading, watching, and listening to.
And being present in your own parenting is paramount. “I think the most important thing is to parent mindfully,” Steinberg says. “Try not to make disciplinary decisions when you’re stressed or emotionally taxed; take a breath and think before you act. And always be aware of why you are parenting the way you are—what your goals are and what you are trying to accomplish.”
Authoritative parenting will take commitment on your part: “The problem with permissive and authoritarian parenting is that they are easier to do and require much less self-awareness on the part of a parent,” Steinberg points out. Like anything else worth doing, there’s work involved. But the benefits for your children are more than worth it.

5 Types of Women That Make Bad Wives


1. A Dismissive Woman

“If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”
Years ago JP and I adopted this saying. I’m not sure whether we heard it or if we made it up ourselves, but it’s kept us in tune with each other over three decades of marriage.
Honestly, though, having an attitude of prioritizing one another’s needs, preferences and opinions didn’t come naturally. Frankly, it can be easier to dismiss your partner’s needs than to deal with them.
A dismissive woman devalues or diminishes her spouse’s preferences, opinions or desires. Sometimes you’ll hear a dismissive woman turning the conversation back to herself, (“Yes, but what about my needs?”) or failing to really consider the desire (“That’s just not practical/realistic/happening in this lifetime.”) or even shaming the need (“Oh, for heaven’s sake, you’re not one of the children! Grow up.”).
Sometimes though, a dismissive woman is more subtle. She won’t tell her partner she’s dismissing his need or preference; she’ll simply ignore it. Or she’ll become unavailable physically, sexually, or emotionally.
Why is this “bad”? When a woman unilaterally dismisses her partner’s need or preference, her husband feels rejected, unloved and unimportant. He may not say it, but he feels it. Plain and simple, it hurts.
Anything that hurts a marriage partner hurts the marriage. Period.
Does this mean a wife should be at her husband’s beck and call, ready to fulfill every desire? Absolutely not! It does mean, though, that she genuinely cares about her partner’s feelings and wants to meet his needs when she can.
Really, this attitude is the mandate for all Christ followers, in every relationship. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Phil 2:4)

2. An Undependable Woman

The first description of an excellent wife in Proverbs 31—the very first one—is this: “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.” (Proverbs 31:11, NLT). The NIV says “Her husband has full confidence in her.”
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that if a good wife is trustworthy, a bad wife isn’t.
If you’re considering marrying a woman whose integrity you question, let me offer you a friendly piece of advice: run.
A dependable woman can be trusted to be faithful to her man, responsible in her decisions, and wise with their children. She’ll hang on with you through the tough times and hold on to you in the good.
She’s honest and she’s honorable. She doesn’t withhold the truth; she upholds the truth. Even in small matters.

3. A Disrespectful Woman

“How many kids do you have?” I asked. “Three. Four, if you count my husband.” Everyone laughed… sort of. But her answer was no laughing matter. Comments like this—though they sound innocent on the surface—indicate something underneath: a lack of respect for one’s partner.
Disrespect doesn’t always come in the form of words. It can come with a look: eye rolling, a shaking head, or a deep sigh. It can be an attempt to control, to mother or to demean a husband. These actions send the same message: You’re an idiot. I don’t respect you.
God gives only one command directed to wives: “Wives see to it that you respect your husbands” (Ephesians 5:33).  In healthy, life-giving marriages, wives respect their husbands and husbands love their wives. God’s plan is a win for both sides.
Are some men are easier to respect than others? You bet. But every healthy relationship, both inside and outside of marriage—every single one—is built on the foundation of respect. Without respect relationships crumble.

4. An Overly Dependent Woman or Overly Independent Woman

All healthy relationships have a level of both dependence and independence, but when the pendulum swings too far on either side, something is amiss.
The overly dependent woman looks to her partner to meet most, if not all, of her emotional needs. She often has a hard time encouraging his independent interests. She frequently manipulates through tears, emotional outbursts, withdrawal or demands. She can even be dramatic, if necessary. Why does she behave this way? She’s prone to see romantic relationships as her savior and feels lost without one. Even in unhealthy scenarios, an overly dependent woman has difficulty severing ties.
Conversely, the overly independent woman has difficulty cementing ties. She may fear commitment. She may fear being controlled. She may be so used to doing things her way, partnering with another person seems foreign.
In relationships neither over-dependence or over-independence is healthy. Marriage is a team sport, meant for two equal partners.

5. A Discouraging Woman

There are two relational truths many women fail to understand:
Truth 1: At the heart of every good man is the desire to please his wife.
Truth 2: It’s hard to stay emotionally, physically and spiritually connected to a person who consistently makes you feel discouraged… even if that person is your wife.
This is why the discouraging wife can be so lethal to a life-giving marriage. The discouraging woman makes her man feel like he can’t do anything right, no matter how hard he tries. In the inner recess of her mind she’s thinks I would like him more if he… Her unspoken goal is change him. She might use criticism (not the healthy, constructive type). She may complain incessantly. She may name call, nitpick, or control. No matter how her discouragement manifests itself, the outcome is the same: Her husband usually feels worse in her presence than better.
This isn’t to say a wife can’t disagree or express disappointment. It doesn’t mean wives can’t have hard conversations. It does mean, though, that we learn the art of having hard conversations without being hard-hearted.
The Bible speaks to this issue: “Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Good wives encourage the best by raising the bar, not discouraging the worst by lowering it.
Are there certain types of women that make bad wives? Yes. There are certain types of men that make bad husbands, too. But God’s Word offers practical advice on how to be a healthy, life-giving partner.
None of us has to be a “bad” spouse—or marry one—if we follow His plan.
Article culled from MINDBODYCARE

My husband and I didn't live together until we got married - here's what I learned


Before my husband and I got married seven months ago, the only guys I'd ever lived with were related to me. Between college dorms, sorority housing, and the money vacuum that is NYC real estate, I've had many a roommate in my day, but never lived with someone I was dating. My husband and I never even lived in the same state before we promised to spend the rest of our lives together — a fun fact that makes people's eyes get really big when I tell them. I had a job in New York, and he was in school in Chicago until he graduated ... two days before our wedding. Another fun fact: Our honeymoon was the longest amount of time we'd ever spent together at that point (are your eyes getting big now, too?).
My husband and I were friends for years before we started dating, but from the day we left the friend zone until day one of marriage, we only knew the long-distance way of life: texting each other in the morning, tagging each other in memes during the day, calling each other before bed, FaceTiming each other if the lighting was flattering, and catching flights every other week to see each other. And although LDRs have their challenges, so does living with someone for the very first time. Don't get me wrong! I don't mean this in a bad way. But gone are the days of having my own room and space to myself. And here's what that's been like.
1. One of you will be the clean one. And that means one of you will be the dirty or the messy one by default. This is the case for any roommate, but when you share a room with someone, you can't use their side of the bed, or that random chair in the corner, or like, any square foot of the floor or counter as storage for stuff you're too lazy to put away. Because the clean one (my husband) will not put up with the habits of the messy one (me) — and the clean one always seems to win.
2. Cooking with someone else is 1,000 times better than doing it by and for yourself. I fixed myself some pretty dismal dinners in my single days because a) I don't care, and b) I don't like to cook things that serve four people when it's just me. But my husband — who I've learned cooks breakfast every morning like we're in a Disney Channel original movie — has opened my eyes to a culinary world beyond grilled chicken and cereal. Plus, washing the dishes is better when two people do it.
3. You really don't see each other that much just because you live with them. You know how on snow days you're stuck inside and don't do anything except stare at the other person stuck inside with you? That's what I thought living with someone would feel like. But it's not like that at all! Unless you work with your significant other, you spend your days apart and come home just in time to eat dinner, maybe squeeze in a TV show, and go to sleep. So it's really not as full-on as I had anticipated.
4. Still, you both will want some time away from each other. Now, your home very well may be larger than our 600-square-foot apartment, and have more than one bathroom sink, so maybe this isn't such an issue for you. But for those of us who can't just "go in another room" — because there is no other room — having your own space is precious. Maybe you prefer to work out alone or read on your sofa uninterrupted. Whatever it is, it doesn't mean you don't like your S.O. anymore. It simply means you would like to watch Bravo in peace without judgement and without having to lay out a timeline of who got to choose what you both watched last.
5. Bathroom time is weird, and there's just no way around that. You know the famous teeth-brushing scene from Bring It On? Yeah, that's us before bed every night. And my husband's a dentist, so I'm especially self-conscious about my teeth-brushing form. When we first moved in together, I tried to be discreet and hide my tampons in a decorative box in the bathroom, but now my husband just calls it my tampon treasure chest. So, yeah. There's always Poo-Pourri, though.
6. You will both complain equally about each other's hair being everywhere. They will say your hair always clogs the shower drain or is all over the floor in the form of dust bunnies. You will say their shaving remnants are all over the bathroom counter and sink. This will continue until you die.
7. My husband, who is sitting next to me as I write this, wants me to say,"Splitting wardrobe storage space 50/50 really means she gets 70% of all the room." I can't help that I have more things than he does.
8. You will have to choose one side of the bed for the rest of time, which is a very pressure-filled commitment to makeNo more sleeping smack dab in the middle!Choose wisely, because I've never heard of someone switching sides of the bed years into living together. Or maybe people do it all the time, and it's simply a weird question to ask someone or bring up in conversation. I truly don't know.
9. Unlike with past roommates, you don't have to be passive-aggressive. Maybe you tip-toed around issues you had with former roommates, because y'all were friends and you didn't want to cross the line and not be the chill one. But because you and your significant other can be more open with each other, you can just say to their face, "You peed on the toilet seat again. Stop doing that," and there you go. Easy pee-sy.
10. You will really miss them when they're away. I used to go days or weeks — months, even — without seeing my husband, and although I definitely wished I could have seen him more, I got used to it. But now, I wonder, "OMG where is he?" if he's gone even for 24 hours. That, my friends, is love.
11. It's not as tricky/different/weird as other people who moved in with their significant others warned me it would be. You definitely learn a lot about someone's quirks and weird tendencies by living with them, but nothing has been all that ... surprising. My husband didn't have to spend two seconds with me to know I'm a messy person, and I realised from the first time I visited him that he had a weird obsession with washing the dishes immediately after using them. Life pretty much feels the same, except now I get a really cool roommate with whom I share my home and my life — and all the awkward moments that come with it.
Article by By  culled from COSMOPOLITAN

Sunday, 28 January 2018

8 Gross Things Girls Do, According To Their Loving Boyfriends


Do you have a gross habit that you've accidentally (or not so accidentally) revealed in front of an SO? I know you do, even if you won't admit it. I'll go first. I pee a lot and I talk a lot; sometimes, for the sake of efficiency, I'll do both at the same time. So, yeah, I'll carry on a full-length conversation with someone, boyfriends included, while going to the bathroom. I've checked with guy friends who've assured me that, as long as all I'm doing is peeing, this doesn't quite make the list of gross things girls do. But an ex mentioned it was weird once and you don't forget feedback like that.
Anyway, I figured there was absolutely no way I was the only person with a weird habit that grossed their partner out. Like, do you remember on Friendswhen Chandler finally unlocks Monica's junk closet? He's horrified to find out that his neat-freak of a wife could be so secretly messy, which explains why she kept it a secret in the first place. Luckily, it wasn't a deal-breaker for Chandler and it probably won't be for your relationship, either.
I mean, on a good day, I like to think I look like this.
But I hope my partner won't mind if sometimes (read: most times), I actually look like this...
Life's all about balance, right?
Just like guys, girls have weird, gross habits, too. Our pillow cases have mascara stains from those nights we just couldn't be bothered to take off our makeup. Clearing the shower drain is an unsightly ritual that likely saves us thousands of dollars in plumbing repairs each year. And in the winter, we don't shave our legs regularly. It's just who we are.
Here are eight other gross things girls do, according to the guys who've dated them.  

I feel personally attacked. It's called skincare, OK!

OvyZ_

For the record, this is 100 percent not what I meant earlier.

- Zach*, 23

To be fair, I've also been out with guys who've done this and just, no.

While yes, this is kind of odd, I still think this guy might be overreacting a little.

Is this like marking her territory?

- Clay*, 27

I think this means he cares.

- Dennis*, 27

I like to leave the Starbucks cups in my car for a few weeks, really get to know them, show them around the city.

I feel like this is the female equivalent to leaving the toilet seat up.

- Nate*, 29
To be honest, we could be a lot worse.
If it helps, we're only truly gross around the people we feel comfortable with so if you see us walking around the house in three-day-old sweatpants, your first, immediate thought should be how to pop the question.

I mean, this guy gets it.

- Francis, 23
Acceptance is the first step.
*Names have been changed.

Article By Sydnee Lyons culled from Elite Daily.

Tuesday, 16 January 2018

My nipples and clitoris are very sensitive. Could it be my husband’s technique?


We are recently married and I can no longer enjoy stimulation. I have never had this problem before, but I have undergone major surgery and a termination
I am 33 and newly married. I have come not to enjoy nipple or clitoral stimulation by my husband. My parts are very sensitive and I find such stimulation overwhelming. I was abused as a child, but have not had this problem before. There is a chance that it’s my new husband’s technique, but I have also had major surgery and a termination of pregnancy, which could be contributory factors.
It is essential that you share all of this with your husband. Surgery certainly can contribute to physical sensitivity, while a history of abuse can affect one’s long-term sexuality in a number of ways and requires professional help. But your husband also needs to join with you in seeking answers and in improving sensation.
Help him to understand your exact feelings, and ask very specifically for what you need. Many women are afraid to say anything critical about a partner’s technique, or to disclose their sexual fragility. But, if gently presented in a non-blaming fashion, it can lead to better sex, as well as greater closeness and bonding. You both deserve to be known to each other for who you really are sexually – at every point in your lives together; this is a cornerstone of intimacy. When sharing truths about your sexual needs, always begin by reaffirming your love and by letting him know the positive things you enjoy about lovemaking with him. Then help him to fully understand your specific physical sensitivities, and try to be brave enough to share your masturbation technique with him. Gently micromanage his efforts until he gets it right, then reward him in the best possible way – including implementing his requests for improved technique on your part.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders