Tuesday, 3 April 2018

How To Tell If Someone Likes You, According To The Way They Look At You

Figuring out if someone likes you can feel like trying to solve a very complicated riddle. Sometimes you feel so certain that they're sending flirtatious vibes your way, and other times you're convinced they must be staring at someone else who's your exact same height and standing directly behind you. (Ugh, hate it when this happens.) How to tell if someone likes youbased on how they look at you might seem a bit far fetched, but it's actually totally legit.
As it turns out, there are several visual cues that could mean someone is totally into you. In a nutshell, those smoldering eyes people give each other when they're interested is known as the copulatory gaze, according to a studypublished in the U.S. National Library Of Medicine. This come-hither look is surprisingly one of the most scientific ways to measure attraction based on instinct.
And after all, it only takes roughly 100 milliseconds for our eyes to see someone and process whether or not we would want to mate with them, the same study reports. To get the full lowdown on interpreting if someone is into you based on their gaze, Elite Daily spoke with love biologist Dawn Maslar and relationship expert Susan Winter.

1Their Pupils Are Dilated

Remember that copulatory gaze we talked about earlier? Well, according to Maslar, while that’s happening, the black part of your eyes get larger.
"When someone is sexually attracted to another, their pupils become very large, sometimes taking up more than half the pupil area," Maslar tells Elite Daily.
So it's safe to say that if their eyes look like total saucers when they're looking at you, then there's a pretty big chance they totally like what they're seeing.

2They Look At You Longer Than Normal

If you notice someone isn't only giving you a smoldering look, but it also seems like it's lasting longer than usual, then this is definitely something to note.
"There's a depth of contact that doesn't occur in a casual glance," Winter tells Elite Daily.
We've all felt it — those searing eyes that keep finding ours in a crowded bar. As long as it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable in a bad way, then wandering closer in their direction might not be a bad idea.
Winter explains that if they "hold the gaze a bit longer than is normal," this often means that they have a strong desire to connect.

3They Seem Flustered

Although being smooth and swooping in like a sexy ghost in the night is usually the goal, being near someone you're attracted to can really make most people act a bit all over the place.
"We can easily lose our cool composure and become self-conscious," says Winter. "We may spill a drink, stumble or get flustered in our speech."
If they seem to be looking at you in a way that gives off a nervous vibe, there's definitely a chance that you're the reason they're trippin' out.

4They Look Away When You Catch Them Lookingiphy

According to Maslar, playing eye-tag is a pretty big sign that someone's attracted to you and wants to chat.
"Maybe you are in a crowded area and notice someone looking at you," she says. "When you look, they turn away. However, moments later you notice they are looking again."
And while looking away might seem like a bad sign, the truth is that they know they just got caught openly gawking and probably feel awkward about it.
There are definitely ways to decipher if someone might be into you based on the looks they send your way, but in the end, looking can only get you so far. If you're into them as well, then a good way to let them know is to return their eye contact, or send a flirty smile their way. Then hopefully you're both feeling confident enough to introduce yourselves. Honestly, what have you got to lose?

Article by Tayi Sanusi culled from ELITE DAILY.

Saturday, 31 March 2018

This Mom Wants You to Know the Mistake Almost Everyone Makes When Meeting a Kid With Autism

Heather Jackson's 5-year-old son has autism. Knowing that, you might already have an idea of what little Oliver is like. That, however, would be a big mistake — one that Heather admits most people make.
"Autism covers a wide spectrum, and while many people on the spectrum share the same difficulties, it doesn't mean that every person with autism is the same," she told POPSUGAR. "They are all different."
She then referenced a quote used often among those in the autism community: "If you have met one person with autism, then you have met one person with autism."
Heather has found that, often, people assume "that because they know someone with autism, it means they know what autism should 'look like,'" which, she said, "leads [to] a lot of misunderstanding and uneducated views" on the disorder.
"To understand Oliver is not the same as understanding autism and, conversely, understanding autism is definitely not the same as understanding Oliver."
For Oliver, autism means that his speech is delayed, he often repeats phrases, and he struggles to read people's facial expressions, which can cause him to give inappropriate responses to different situations. He can be distressed by certain loud noises, finds change to be difficult, and has no sense of danger.
But he doesn't have all the behaviors of what one might define as classic autism signifiers: "Oliver is very sociable with adults and does play with other children," Heather told POPSUGAR. "He also makes eye contact. A lot of people think that they don't give eye contact or play."

She also has to remind people that, no, Oliver isn't a genius: "He is funny and smart, but he also struggles to learn," she said. "I've met a lot of people who seem to think people with autism are geniuses . . . most films with autistic characters are portrayed that way."
Heather's father, Arthur Tonkinson, echoed his daughter's sentiments as to why people need to treat each child's autism experience on its own:
"When I see Oliver, I do not see a boy with autism," he wrote on Facebook. "I see my lovable grandson with his own special personality. Understanding autism is, by its very nature, difficult to understand and so I don't even try. I try to understand Oliver and the reasons why he acts and reacts the way that he does. To understand Oliver is not the same as understanding autism and, conversely, understanding autism is definitely not the same as understanding Oliver. He is just one of my grandchildren, each of whom have their own special personality, all of whom I love in equal measure."
So if you've ever stereotyped a child upon learning he or she had autism, even if only subconsciously, let those words forever change the way you perceive those on the spectrum.
Article by  culled from Flipside.

Thursday, 22 March 2018

Everything You Need to Know About Adaptogens - Natures Natural Stress & Cortisol Reducer, Energy Booster and Hormone Optimizer


In the article, 12 Sex Drive Killers + What To Do About Each by Dr. William Cole, I published in this blog on 18 January 2017, he wrote:


Adrenal fatigue happens when your brain is not speaking very clearly to your adrenals. The brain-adrenal-axis problems cause cortisol levels to be either too high or too low, and this can leave you feeling exhausted and more interested in eating junk food than having sex.
What to do: Having struggled with adrenal fatigue myself in the past, I know firsthand the most effective tools. A comprehensive approach that includes stress and sleep management, adaptogenic herbs, and healing foods are some my top tools to rehab from adrenal fatigue.
Anna Kucirkova has written a detailed article on Adaptogens. Below are the details.

Have you ever heard of “adaptogens”? They sound like something out of a science fiction movie, right?
Something like, “Our defenses are crumbling! We need to release the adaptogens!”
But they’re very real, and they can do wonders for your body.
If you’re not sure what adaptogens are, where you can find them, how you should use them, when you should consume them, and more, then you’re in luck.
We’re about to teach you everything you need to know.

Adaptogens: The Basics

Adaptogens are natural, non-toxic healers.  
In fact, it’s quite possible you’ve been consuming adaptogens your entire life without knowing it, unwittingly reaping adaptogenic benefits.
We’ll stop here for a minute, because we know what you’re thinking. Adaptogens aren’t the newest, hottest wellness trend that’s come to stake its claim over beet juice smoothies, rose water, and quinoa.
Adaptogens are more than a trend. They’ve been a part of medicine for centuries.
Simply put, they can be described as natural substances that work with a person’s body to help them adapt (hence the term “adapt”ogen) to the various challenges of life. Most notably, they’re said to help your body regulate homeostasis and return to its natural balance, especially when it comes to stress.
That’s the 30,000 foot view. Now let’s get into the nitty gritty.

Adaptogens: The Nuts and Bolts 

Our bodies have a built-in fight-or-flight system that is triggered in response to stress. This system is incredibly useful in emergencies or when we’re threatened and need to take immediate action.
Cortisol is released, which then triggers the adrenal glands and sympathetic nervous system. Blood pressure is increased and your digestive secretions are restricted. Essentially, your body readies itself to either run or to stand and fight.
Unfortunately, we increasingly live in high-stress environments in which we encounter stressful situations multiple times per day. The meeting with the boss. Driving through heavy traffic. Dealing with irate customers. Caring for a screaming baby.  
Each of these stressors triggers our fight-or-flight response, releasing a flood of cortisol through the body. Our bodies weren’t designed to handle so much cortisol, and it can lead to the adrenal glands failing, stress on the digestive tract, and rapid aging.
Cortisol levels and stress are only meant to exist in your body in short bursts -- as a hormonal response designed to protect you in survival situations. Adaptogenic compounds (whether in food or in herbs) help mitigate the body’s stress response and get your adrenal system back into balance while overcoming adrenal fatigue. These compounds keep your body at a balanced level.  
A natural ally to your body, adaptogens can help your body deal with persistent stress and fatigue, and help get you back to proper, functioning order. They work with your body to help regulate hormones and adjust your cortisol levels over long periods of time to help regulate chronic stress. 
You can think of them like a thermostat for your body. When your stress “temperature” begins to rise, adaptogens can support your body as it comes back to its normal levels. They can help keep stress hormones from running rampant throughout your body.
For example, studies of Panax ginseng, a well-known adaptogen, have suggested that it can be significantly helpful in reducing the body’s overall response to stress. The same goes for numerous other adaptogens.
But that’s not all. Adaptogens also may boost your immune system, help you manage a healthy weight, increase your physical endurance and your mental focus, reduce discomfort, reduce cortisol levels (which contribute to stress), and encourage a balanced mood.

Adaptogens: Sources

Consuming Adaptogens
Adaptogens are a unique class of plants that can have particular healing abilities. They may be able to help balance, protect, restore your body, and normalize psychological functions. 

The list of helpful, healing adaptogens is long - so long we can’t possibly include all of them in this article. But, we’ll list out of a few helpful adaptogens you can utilize in your daily routine. 
In fact, you might already use some of these without knowing how much you’re helping your mind, body, restoration, and balance.
Some of the most popular adaptogenic herbs are things you’ve probably heard of, such as:
  • Ginseng
  • Basil
  • Mushroom
  • Rosemary
  • Aloe
  • Licorice root
Others, you might not be so familiar with include: 
  • Rhodiola
  • Astragalus root
  • Ashwagandha
  • Milk thistle
  • Bacopa
  • Schisandra
  • Moringa oleifera
  • Gotu kola
  • Ginseng eleuthero 
These adaptogens can be consumed in a variety of ways, including food and supplements. The main point is simply to start getting a number of these adaptogens in your diet, especially if you find yourself constantly under stress.

Adaptogens: In Your Diet 

Adaptogenic Herbs
Adaptogens that are most notable for helping lower or balance your cortisol are compounds like rhodiola rosea, ashwagandha (indian ginseng), milk thistle, asian ginseng, holy basil, and panax ginseng. You’re probably going to be challenged to find ways to include milk thistle in your diet, meaning you’ll need to consume it in supplement form.
However, adaptogens can be present in food as well. Just like the herbs and other compounds, there are specific foods that can contain the healthy adaptogens your body can benefit from. Add basil to your meals to gain adaptogen benefits, eat specific kinds of mushrooms, or spice up your dishes with rosemary.
Additionally, consider things like ginseng tea and other herbal mixes. The goal is simply to find numerous ways to get adaptogens into your diet, whether it’s through supplements, food, or mixes.
And while most adaptogens can be used individually, many herbalists prefer to blend them together to create an even more potent effect. In essence, they stack the benefits on top of each other.

A Few Cautions With Adaptogens

The benefits of adaptogens seem endless, but knowing what they are and what they can do for you doesn’t answer a few of the remaining questions you probably have about the compounds.
For example, when should you take them? How do you know how long you should take them? In what amounts should you take adaptogens?
The positive thing about adaptogenic compounds is that there are only a few instances in which you can overdo it or they can cause you harm. In fact, one of the driving features of adaptogens is that they’re safe and non-toxic.  
However, it’s possible, however, that some herbs can cancel each other out when taken together. For example, if you’re taking an herb that stimulates you and one that helps you sleep, the effects will probably cancel each other out.
It’s also possible that some of the herbs should only be used for limited amounts of time or once every few months. Herbalists and doctors often recommend rotating the adaptogens you use every few months. 

As always, it’s important to check with your doctor before you start taking any form of medication or herbal remedies. Some herbs and foods that contain adaptogens can interact with other medications you’re taking, so ensure that you’ve approved any new herb or botanical with your doctor before you consume it. 
Additionally, consider reading The Botanical Safety Handbook, which contains all the information you need to know about adaptogens.
If you’re breastfeeding, use particular caution. While no adaptogens have been shown to be of any concern for breastfeeding children, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re safe. Again, talk to your doctor.

Adaptogens and You: Final Thoughts

Natural Adaptogens
If you’re thinking about about adding adaptogens into your diet, you might find yourself wondering, “Do I really need them?” The answer is both, “Yes,” and, “No.”  
You don’t need them in the sense that you need an antibiotic to treat a particular infection. You do need them to help you body stay in balance amidst the constant stresses of life.  
It’s important to note that adaptogen supplements don’t treat specific conditions. Rather, they help boost your overall well-being. Instead of wondering if you “need” them to solve a problem, ask yourself if taking adaptogens can help you feel better, more balanced, less stressed, and healthier?
Ask yourself how you feel. Is your digestive tract functioning to the best of its ability? Do you have a healthy appetite? Is your skin vibrant and healthy? Are your stress levels easily manageable? If you answered no to any of these questions, it’s possible you’re a candidate for adaptogen inclusion in your diet!
Adaptogens help adjust your body’s stress response and keep it at a desirable level, similar to how you’d adjust the temperature from becoming too high or too low.
If you want to keep your body in balance, adaptogens might be the perfect solution to add to your diet and supplement plan!

Tuesday, 20 March 2018

There Are 4 Styles of Parenting, But One Raises More Successful Kids Than The Rest, According to a Psychotherapist

Raising kids in today's world is no easy task. From warnings about too much screen time and too many food additives, to the pressure to help your child succeed in school and on the sports field, parenting has become more challenging than ever.
Parents are employing specific strategies and coping skills to deal with the challenges of the modern world. And as a psychotherapist, I see four main types of parents in my office:


Relaxed rulers give kids plenty of freedom to explore and try new things. They let kids solve their own problems and they make it a priority to "let kids be kids."
Relaxed rulers are the opposite of the stereotypical "helicopter parent." They want their kids to play hard, have fun, and learn from the natural consequences of their own behavior.
While their laid-back approach is sure not to stifle a child's development, children of relaxed rulers might not receive enough guidance and hands-on training. As a result, kids may not learn all the skills they need to become their best.


No-nonsense commanders make sure kids have plenty of structure and plenty of rules. They have high expectations and they make many demands.
They worry that today's kids are 'too soft.' They hand out serious consequences when their kids get out of line in hopes it will teach them a valuable life lesson.
Since no-nonsense commanders emphasize obedience over everything else, kids don't always internalize the message parents are sending. They may follow the rules to avoid getting in trouble, rather than strive to reach their greatest potential.


Whether it's a teacher with an unfair grading process or a coach who speaks too harsh, eager advocates are quick to speak up for their kids. They want to ensure that their kids are treated with kindness and fairness and they aren't afraid to voice their concerns when they think their kids are getting a raw deal.
Eager advocates have their kids' best interest in mind. They often worry that without their help, their kids will be cheated, bullied, or taken advantage of in some way, shape, or form.
By stepping in at the first hint of trouble, eager advocates may prevent their kids from experiencing uncomfortable emotions or from struggling with certain hardships. When parents err on the overprotective side, kids may not learn the emotional skills and problem-solving skills they need to become successful adults.


Mentally strong leaders strive to create a balance between giving kids enough freedom while also offering plenty of guidance. They have high expectations but they support kids in their efforts to reach their goals.
Mentally strong leaders aren't trying to toughen their kids up. They're interested in helping them grow strong. They aren't afraid to ask for help when they need it.
They also lead by example. They work on building their own mental strength so kids recognize that there is always room for improvement. And most importantly, they refuse to engage in the popular parenting habits that are robbing kids of mental strength.


From the way you discipline your children to the way you solve parenting problems, your choices could have a lifelong effect on your kids. Studies consistently show that your parenting style affects everything from your child's grades to her physical and mental health.
Becoming a mentally strong parent is the key to helping your kids reach their greatest potential. Mentally strong parents raise mentally strong kids who have the skills they need to tackle the challenges of life.
Article by Amy Morin/Mar 16, 2018 culled from Flipside

Monday, 26 February 2018

32 Things You Should Do To Straighten Your Relationships

Author and his wife on her 55year birthday on o2/18/2018 after 31 years of marriage.
Author and his wife on her 55year birthday on o2/18/2018 after 31 years of marriage.

How to Improve Your Relationships

Strong relationships don’t just happen. When you make a long-term commitment to someone you have to be willing to make compromises because no relationship is perfect. Relationships aren’t easy and maintaining good relationship requires acceptance, patience, and above all, daily practice. These are 32 things you can do to improve your bond if you want to have a flourishing relationship with your partner. . They will make your partner feel loved, appreciated and desired, and will make you feel more connected to him or her. A healthy relationship is one of the important components for living a fulfilled life.
Remember special dates
It is important to remember special occasions, such as Valentine Day, birthdays, anniversaries, or any other dates on your love calendar. Special dates give you the opportunity to tell your partner that you still love and appreciate them and that they mean so mean to you. Write those dates in your diary or keep a reminder in your smart phone to remind you of important dates.
Give gift
These are some of the gifts you may consider sending to your partner on your special dates:
send flowers. Red is the color of love, so give roses. Red roses mean “I love you”;
send chocolate box;
present him/her a book from an author you know he/she loves;
send a greeting card expressing how you care;
get tickets for that movie your partner has been longing to see;
take him/her down memory lane by giving picture album with old pictures of the two of you;
pay for the subscription to a magazine he/she likes;
present him or her a calendar with pictures of both of you, highlighting special days in your relationship;
you can present jewelry or clothes.
Send text
Send him/her well-worded text messages.
Write poems
Write a love poem for your partner and place it where he/she can easily find it.
Record your poems
You can also record yourself reciting the poem and burn it into CD and place it where he/she can find it and listen to it at his/her convenience.
Present recorded music
You may also record your partner’s favorite love songs for his/her listening pleasure while relaxing.
List your partner’s strengths
You can make a list of things you love about your partner and place it where he/she can find it or slip a love note in a strategic place where he/she will find it.
Spend private moment together
Sometimes, the best way of celebrating your love for each other is to have some private time together. Check into an affordable hotel and spend the night ordering room service, cuddling in a big bed and taking bubble baths.
Cook his/her favorite meal
Cook his or her favorite food. Nothing will make your partner delighted than his or her favorite meal or you can decide to cook dinner for your partner. It will be exhilarating to see him/her move around the kitchen.
Keep talking
One of the most important things in a relationship is talking about how you feel and sharing honestly with one another. Recognize that all relationships have their ups and downs. Life is not always going to be rainbows; relationships will inevitably face rough waters and bumpy roads. We have all loved and lost, been hurt and scared, and we are all choosing to put one foot in front of the other in an attempt to love again, so honest communication should be part of every healthy relationship. Good timing and tact must be employed when communicating because deep conversations require deep listening which is not possible when you feel angry. Going into a conversation with a fixed mind may lead to missed opportunities for connection; deeper understanding of your partner will fail.
Endeavor to know your partner
One of the keys to being in a successful relationship is to endeavor to know your partner. If you study your partner and learn about him or her, you will know his/her personality, likes and dislikes, “dos and don’ts”, which will enable you to easily do things he/she will really appreciate. Be interested in why your partner loves what he/she loves. Ask questions because it will help you make space for what they love. Learn about their hobbies.
Be patient
We live in a world where anything we want, we want it instantly. But love is different; it takes time and work. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it. Be patient with your partner.
Say sorry
Know when to apologize. Saying sorry has many benefits. It diffuses tension and gets rid of bad feelings. It is not every argument that needs to be won. Although there may be inner pleasure in winning an argument, there’s maturity in apologizing when you find out you are wrong.
Accept her/his apology. Forgive your partner when he/she offends you. If you've been fighting and he/she makes an attempt to reconcile, don't rebuff him/her. It’s better to walk away than say something you’ll regret.
One of the most important sentiments of human love is intimacy. Intimacy can be as easy as kissing on the cheek, holding hands, hugging, giving a back scratch, or putting a hand around the other person’s shoulder.
Sexual Relationship
In some relationships, there is an unfortunate tendency to ignore the role of sex but it is very important. Sex is important in building a lasting relationship so make sure your love making is great. Do something different in bed regularly. Bathe together periodically.
Trust without wavering
Nothing hurts and breaks a relationship as quickly as dishonesty. When trust is lost it motivates behaviors such as criticism, rejection, and jealously.
Be supportive.
Go that extra step in trying to please your partner. There are many ways to be supportive of your partner. Give emotional support: listen to them when they’re upset and need to talk. Give them information that they might need. Give them a hand when they need it. Do something that he normally does or want to get done before he has the chance. Repair something of hers that he/she hasn't gotten around to fixing. Feeling understood and cared for by someone else improves relationships and well-being.
Love in action
It is not enough to say you are in love, it must show in your actions. Perform little acts of kindness for your partner that let them know you love them. Along with expressing your gratitude to your partner, expressing actions to show how much you care about him or her is also suggested. Some ideas include the following: When you’re out shopping get him a little surprise gift. Just as most men love to be waited on, women also love men that can do things for them, especially physical things like helping out with the chores.
Fight fair.
It’s not disagreements that destroy relationships, but how you deal with them. Avoid character assassination. Be willing to compromise. Take responsibility for your actions and growth by giving top priority to the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of your life.
Set goals as a couple
One of the components of a happy relationship is having a set of goals that you’re trying to achieve together.
Allow your partner the space to be themselves
Lovers want closeness, but they also want space. The key is to allow your partner some space; the man should go out with his friends and the woman with her friends as well. This will give the partners enough space so that no one feels trapped.
Let go of unrealistic expectations
A relationship is like a team made of two people who both bring talents and skills and resources to the relationship.
Seeking for help
It is human nature to seek advice and consolation from loved ones when facing both highs and lows, but it’s imperative to remember that your relationship is not the same as any of the relationships around you. Relationships have enough problems, struggles and limitations independently; so don’t borrow problems from those around you.
Relationships need work
Relationships, like anything else worth having in life, take work. This does not mean that you should be bending over backward and causing riffs in all other aspects of your life in order to make a relationship work. While it’s important to continue to grow and develop individually, it is just as important to grow together and strengthen the bonds that brought you together in the first place. The grass is greener when you water it, and love grows fullest when worked on a daily basis.
Promise without forgetting
Endeavor to keep your promises. It means you should not promise what you know you might be unable to provide.
Give compliments
Compliment your partner when she/he has done something remarkable. It is essential you let your partner know you share in his/her achievements. Compliment something that he's improved upon. If he/she dresses for a date, compliment the dress.
Give appreciation
Express your appreciation. Say thank you often. Thank your partner for what he/she have done to uplift your relationship or your own life. This type of effort will reinforce your partner to be thoughtful.
Seek for your partner’s advice
Seek for the advice of your partner. It will give a lot of confidence that you believe in him/her.
Be interested in what your partner likes
Listen when your partner talks about things that are important to him/her.
Show sympathy
Be there for your partner when he/she is undergoing emotional distress. Your partner’s burden will be easier to bear if you show sympathy to his/her plight.
Make your schedule known
It is important you let your partner know your schedule so that he/she doesn’t plan something and get disappointed. it’s a kind gesture to compare both of your schedules to see if it’s possible to spend more time together. While you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your carrier or job to satisfy your partner, your ability to compromise should be enough to make him or her happy.
Doing what you can to improve your relationship should be a daily practice not just special days.

Thursday, 1 February 2018

The 36 Questions Scientists Say Can Make Any Two People Fall in Love

Love is more than a feeling; it's a choice.

Relationships are hard. They can bring out the best in us, yes, but also the worst. They test the very essence of our beings: our capacity for forgiveness; our ability to trust (both ourselves and another); the true extent of our self-love; the strength of our boundaries; and the power of attachment.
Anything that can help bring us together, then, should be explored. And one scientific finding about love rises above others in the literature, if only for its rom-com level of magic.
Yes, I'm talking about the study made famous by the viral New York Times article by psychologist Mandy Len Catron. It not only outlined the original study, but backed it up by revealing that Catron herself had tested the concept ... and fallen in love with her question-answering companion.
The original research was conducted by psychologist Arthur Aron at Stony Brook University. He split participants up into two groups, then had people pair up to talk to one another for 45 minutes. One group made small talk; the other received a list of 36 questions they went through one at a time -- a list that got increasingly more personal. They then shared four minutes of sustained eye contact.
If there was ever a question of whether you can generate intimacy in a lab setting, it was answered by this study. Six months later, one of the pairs was in love. When they got married, they invited the whole lab staff to the ceremony.
When Catron, author of the New York Times piece, did the questions with an acquaintance, she wasn't totally prepared, especially for the eye contact at the end:
"[T]he real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me. Once I embraced the terror of this realization and gave it time to subside, I arrived somewhere unexpected."
The unexpected place? It was a state of being more than anything, and one that led to more connection than perhaps either thought possible.
"I wondered what would come of our interaction. If nothing else, I thought it would make a good story. But I see now that the story isn't about us; it's about what it means to bother to know someone, which is really a story about what it means to be known."
We all want to be known. We want to be known by our friends, our colleagues, our family members, even our neighbors. We want to be seen for what we have to offer, what we provide, for who we are.
But the person we often crave to feel most known by is our partner. This is the person with whom we share the most intimate details of our lives (not to mention our bodies). It's the person who sees us at our best and our worst. The one who knows our history and is a primary part of our future.
We want them to know us -- really know us, and these questions can help. As Catron says, "Most of us think about love as something that happens to us," she said. "We fall. We get crushed. But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action."
There are lots of ways to celebrate upcoming Valentine's Day. This year, consider doing something different. If you're not in a relationship, propose doing this experiment with someone you've always thought was interesting but have yet to take the leap with. What do you have to lose?
And if you're in a relationship, skip the fancy dinner or other high-pressure, conventional thing.
Instead, grab a bottle of wine and make the choice to commit to the magic of the questions. Allow the vulnerability of the answers to carry you even closer together. Take on the challenge of revealing yourself even more deeply to the person you cherish most in the world, and revel in the soul-deep connection that can ensue.
Take action.
Fall in love.
Set 1
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you? 
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set 2
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it? 
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 
16. What do you value most in a friendship? 
17. What is your most treasured memory? 
18. What is your most terrible memory? 
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 
20. What does friendship mean to you? 
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's? 
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set 3
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling _______." 
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share _______." 
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met. 
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet? 
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Article by Melanie Curtin culled from FlipDigest.