Friday 7 April 2017

Always Attracting Men That Can't Commit? Here's Why



Regardless of where the phrase was born, the noncommittal man is here today and here, most likely, to stay. And there are definite red flags that give him away. Before trying to formulate your own personal commitment-phobe repellent, though, it's important to recognize the red flags in you.
Yes, you.
There are two red flags that indicate you're a woman who may fall in love with and become addicted to a noncommittal man.

1. You're "The Romantic."


Photo Credit: Stocksy

The Romantic believes in love at first sight and being swept off her feet.
So, when she meets a man who sees her across a crowded room and pursues her at a brisk pace, she impulsively jumps to the conclusion that he's "The One."
Romantic ladies—when a man tries to inhale you like a drug or shake you up to turn you into "Instant Girlfriend," he's most likely a sex and love addict. I call him Mr. Need-for-Speed.
This is one of the most confusing types of noncommittal men because, for a brief time, even he believes you're the remedy to his inability to commit. (Think Daniel Cleaver's charming rogue in Bridget Jones.)
This sex- and love-addicted man knows he's got issues, but rather than dealing with them himself, he's looking for that one special lady who will cure him.
Unfortunately, his efforts are misguided because as soon as the girl is hooked, his fear of engulfment kicks in and he runs for the hills.
Romantic women often come from chaotic homes peopled with dramatic, neglectful, or addicted parents.
These types of women often played the childhood role of therapist, priest, caretaker, or rescuer with a parent.
This leaves romantic women with a huge hole that needs to be filled. So, if we haven't done our emotional healing work, we will continue attracting partners who mirror our childhood role models.
You're a romantic woman if you:
  • Mistake sex and new romantic excitement for love.
  • Choose partners who are emotionally unavailable.
  • Choose partners who have demanding needs but do not meet yours.
  • Use sex, seduction, and manipulation to "hook" or hold on to a partner.
  • Find it difficult to leave unhealthy or emotionally abusive relationships even though you keep promising yourself you will.

2. You're "The Thrill-Seeker."


Photo Credit: Stocksy

The Thrill-Seeker loves a challenge. She tends to be attracted to the Brooding-Broken-Bad-Boy who has left a string of trampled hearts in his wake.
He might even come right out and warn The Thrill-Seeker that he's not the committed type.
But does that stop her? Nope. She's confident she can change the guy, and it doesn't hurt that he's charismatic and easy on the eyes.
The Thrill-Seeker might even meet with some early success and land him in bed, where he's most expressive and passionate.
But, quickly The Thrill-Seeker realizes in bed is the only place he's willing to commit. And should enough time go by...even that commitment waxes and wanes.
The Thrillseeker also comes from a chaotic home, but her reaction is the opposite of the Romantic woman's reaction.
The Thrill-Seeker might have felt smothered by her family of origin and couldn't wait to break away.
So, a nice guy standing in front of her, ready to commit, often scares her more than a noncommittal bad boy who keeps running away.
The Thrill-Seeker has her own fear of commitment lurking in the wings.
So, ladies, it's not enough just to know that you should avoid both the passionate Mr. Need-for-Speed and the intriguing Brooding-Broken-Bad-Boy.
It's most important that you understand yourself. Ask yourself these questions and journal your answers:
  • What fears and needs control me?
  • Do I mistake sex for love? What does that look like?
  • Am I my man's psychiatrist, priest, caretaker, mother,and scold? What does that look like?
  • What are my values?
  • What are my goals for my romantic life?
  • How do I abandon my values and goals when I date or am in a relationship?
The first step in avoiding noncommittal men is to understand where you come from and know where you want to go.
Avoid the "familiar" or the "challenging" if you come from a chaotic home.
Take contrary action by exploring the unfamiliar territory of getting to know a man slowly before falling into bed and becoming sexually bonded.
You are your first best defense against falling in love with a noncommittal man.
There are many paths to self-knowledge and self-love; my favorite is 12-step recovery.
For those of us who chase noncommittal, inconsistent, critical, unfaithful men, both Al-Anon and CODA are exceptional.
You might also do well in a religious community, with a private therapist or with the guidance of a higher power.
But the one thing you should know above all is that the noncommittal man is just a symptom of the problem and may well be the catalyst you need to heal yourself and take responsibility for your own life.
Article by Shannon Colleary culled from Mindbodygreen.

Sunday 2 April 2017

16 Traits That Make Men Fall Head-Over-Heels In Love With You





Do you think you’ve met the perfect man? if he really makes you feel unique, loved and appreciated for who you are and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, well maybe it’s time for you to act and make him fall head-over-heels for you. He only knows that you look great. So what will make him realize that you really are the girl he's been waiting his whole life for, and make him want to give up his heart? Like it or not, dating is a game. Play your cards right and he will fall head-over-heels. Why do men desire, respect and pursue some women—and not others? What is the magic allure that causes a man to prefer a woman over another, fall in love and seriously consider marriage? If you really know all there is to know about the man of your dreams and you are absolutely sure you want to spend every waking moment with him, here are 16 personality traits that will make just about any guy fall head over heels for you.
Polished Appearance
Men truly are visual creatures and they are drawn to a woman's polished appearance and femininity. The primary visual factors that get a man’s attention are your eyes, what you’re wearing, how your hair looks, your boots, your perfume, your legs and depending on his taste, your body shape. Whichever you are well endowed with take advantage of them. After that, men are looking for more vital and enduring traits.
You're Approachable
You're not the type of woman that gets all dreamy-eyed just because an attractive guy has decided to talk to you. Of course, in any good relationship both partners have to choose each other, and for the right reasons. Don’t play games like intentionally pretend that you aren't interested while your heart is actually fluttering. If you're interested and think he's attractive, let it automatically show through your body language. Eye contact and a smile are powerful flirting tools that get a man’s initial attention. You'll be smiling, laughing at his jokes, your eyes will light up, and he'll notice that. Just be who you actually are — a woman who finds him attractive on the surface, but who needs to find out what's underneath to be convinced that he's the right guy for you. A quick glance, a soft smile and a slow look away lets a man know you're interested. Look at this as a chance to find out if he really is a guy that you want to get to know better. That's just not much to go on. So, approach the situation as exactly with caution. He's superficially attractive, but he's going to have to prove to you that he's worth have you before after all, you just met him. He'll notice that you're clearly not desperate. Men love this because they truly want to win you over; they're biologically wired for the chase, so let him chase you.
Show Interest in Knowing Him
How could you possibly know anything more about him than how he looks, walks and smiles? One of the keys in knowing your partner is by asking a few questions about him — where he grew up, how many siblings he has, any pets? Not to the point of it sounding like an interview, and certainly not questions that are inappropriately personal, but generally you're showing him that you're interested in getting to know him better. This makes him realize that once you're in a relationship together it won't just be all about you. If you study your partner and learn about him, his personality, likes and dislikes, you will be able to easily do things he will really appreciate.
Don’t be Desperate
Try to control your impulses and do not overwhelm him by always showing him how much you love him. I know this may sound a bit counterproductive, but by giving your loved one his space, you can show him you love him just the way he is. Don’t smother him. I’m sure that by now he must be aware of how special he is to you and he must know how much he means to you, so just give him some time to make up his mind. Don’t pressure him.
Don’t be Needy
One of the most important and simple ways to make him fall head-over-heels for you is by making sure you show him you’re an independent woman who can always take good care of herself. You mustn't sound too needy. Nobody likes to be with someone who’s not able to take care of herself and who’s constantly whining and complaining about everything. You should first prove to him that you are strong enough to always take care of yourself.
Be Authentic
In the beginning men just want to have a good time and they are turned off if you're too serious. Men really do want to make an emotional connection with a woman. A light-hearted attitude is an indicator that you will be easy to get along—even when the relationship gets serious. Authentic means you share your true thoughts, you truly listen to what he is saying, and you’re not afraid to show your vulnerable side and share your flaws. If you are authentic, he is more apt to relax and show you his true self, which makes him to want to spend more time with you. A woman who is authentic is in her best self and your best self will bring out the best in a man.
Say I’m Sorry
I know that sometimes it can be hard for you to admit you did something wrong and apologize. If you really want him to love you unreservedly, then you must make some effort in order for your relationship to work. Learn to admit your mistakes and say I’m sorry. Don’t let your pride get in the way. Your man will appreciate your honesty; will fall head-over-heels for you and he will also see what a great catch you are.
Be Confident
You should be confident of yourself but not arrogant. You've to possess that kind of quiet confidence that allows you to feel comfortable in almost any situation because you feel good about yourself and your capabilities. When you're confident, your body language shows it in the way you make eye contact, the way you carry yourself, and your easy smile. Men can't help but be attracted to a woman who's just so sure of herself.
Tolerate His Flaws
You must be aware of both his qualities and his flaws before you decide to take this big step. You need to show him that you love him for who he is; that you are aware of both his qualities and his flaws. Just try to embrace his shortcomings and don’t try to change him or transform him into someone you want. You want to be loved for who you are and so does he. Just accept him the way he is and try to see the good side of his imperfections.
Feel Sexy
It's not only about looking sexy, it's about feeling sexy. It's not about what you're wearing on the outside; low cut dress and stiletto heels kind of sexy but the kind of sensual, self-assured, and being comfortable in your own skin. When you feel sexy, it will automatically show through your body language, the way you move, and the way you smile. When you feel sexy, you'll be sexy.
Surprise Him
I’m sure your man already knows what a great catch you are, but if you want to make him fall head-over-heels for you, then you should try to show him he is the one by surprising him every single day. You don’t need to go over the top, you can show him your love and appreciation by making him little but meaningful surprises such as gifts, cook his favorite meal, etc.
Withholding Early Sex
However, even with the nice guys, it's your job to discourage a man when he is moving too fast sexually. It’s the allure of sex that inflames some men’s desire to pursue a woman. Saying “no” to sex in the early stages of dating is not a manipulative ploy, because when a woman caves in for sex too soon, she appears too cheap. You need time to develop feelings and trust for the man. He may lose interest and respect for you and his motivation for the chase.
Thank Him For Little Things
One of the easiest ways to make your man fall head-over-heels with you is by thanking him for every little thing that he does. Express your gratitude for the smallest things. He will feel appreciated and loved and you will also help increase his self-esteem. He will realize that he feels amazing spending every little moment with you and he will definitely take the big step forward into showering love on you.
Be a Mystery
A woman who doesn't immediately reveal the intimate details of her life intrigues men. Women who divulge their hurtful past and personal problems on the first date will dilute their attractiveness and allure. A tinge of mystique can challenge a man prowess, making him to want to know you better. But don’t be evasive, scheming or play jealous mind games because then he won't trust you and pull away.
Don’t Be Clinger
You have your own life. You are busy, successful and self-reliant. You love your life. You enjoy your career. You have your own interests and hobbies. It's as simple as mentioning a project that you're working on, talking about an interesting course that you're taking for fun, or a weekend getaway you have planned with your girlfriends. You have solid relationships with your family and friends, and you’re socially active. Men want to know that once the two of you start dating you won't be looking for them to be your sole source of a social life and happiness in general. By casually letting him know that you have other interests and that you like to spend time with your friends, he'll feel good knowing that you'll be alright without him when he needs his alone time. He will really appreciate the fact that you understand him and that you’re not trying to change him. Nobody wants the clinger — the girl who has no social life of her own except for going out with her girlfriends looking for men. Most men highly value their alone time, and they need to know that they won't lose all of it if they're in a relationship with you. You don’t need a man to complete you, but you would welcome and enjoy the right man into your life. Just like you need to spend some time with your girlfriends, he also feels the need to relax with the guys, play some video games or drink a couple of beers.
Be a Happy Person
Women who are happy, exuberant, enthusiastic, and have a great attitude towards life are very attractive to men. It's like there's a light that shines from your eyes and your smile, and surrounds you in its halo of beauty. It depicts a mix of confidence, physical and emotional health, self-esteem, and loving your life. Men can't help but pick up on this vibration and get drawn in by it, and he'll be so intrigued by this vibrant gem that he's found that he won't be able to tear himself away. If you're not happy person right now, then it may be time to take a break from the search and work on improving your happiness, confidence levels, and self-esteem. The best way to start feeling good about yourself and your life simply involves doing things that you love, being healthy –physically and emotionally stable, and getting some accomplishments under your belt, even if they're relatively simple ones. If you can focus on being true to yourself, following your own interests without trying to be something different than what you are, then everything else will fall into place. Once you stop trying to go against your own true nature, you'll discover your own sense of self-worth, you'll feel more confident and happy, you'll be more excited about life, you'll be more loving, and you'll start to attract the same into your life. You'll be nothing less than irresistible to men.

Anthony Modungwo's article culled from Hubpages