“It is always like this!” he threw his hand up. “You are never here. I am stuck with housekeepers; you are gone all the time. Now you are offering me a car; it is so unfair. It is you I need not a car. I need love and care not a bribe,” Tony told his father. He spun on his heel and headed for his room. “I hope you have a great time.” Seconds later his door slammed shut.
The twenty-year-old boy was considerably upset by his father’s constant absence from home. His attitude had been one of constant hostility, especially toward his father. Tony became rebellious and contemptuous of his parents, the generation gap grew wider, the #family drifted apart and the #household was in a state of unhappiness.
Today many parents spend too little time with their children. They are overly busy earning money. What happens when parents spend too little time with their children? Do their children say dad and mom please spend time with us? No the children do not say that unlike Tony. But they secretly wish for #mom and dad to show more interest in their welfare. This situation makes their hearts to feel empty. When they become teenagers, they may use alcohol, sex or hard drugs to satisfy their empty hearts.
Life holds many other joys besides making money, and a man may well forgo a part of his financial gains for the pleasure that he may find with his family and friends. The good things of life are rarely free. They come with a high price like abandoning your children in pursuit of money.
Children need a love-filled home. It is a pathetic scene when parents leave home before their children are awake and return when they had slept. Even after some of the children have grown to be two or three years old, they will scarcely recognize their own mothers. And the mothers, enamored with the conviction that they are doing civilization a great favor by following a career, are depriving themselves the happiness that comes into a woman’s life when she extends loving care to her child/children.
Obviously this type of mother will have very little influence if any over her child. And before she could hope to have, she would need to become acquainted with the child. And before becoming acquainted to her influence, the child would have to be shown that her love was genuine and unselfish.
It is true that a home will never be the same once the first child is born. There is, of necessity, a reorganization of the entire plan in the home. But who would want the home to remain unchanged? The coming of children is what makes a home. It adds life, vitality and color.
Some young mothers mourn over their loss of the prospect of a career. But how many career women would be more than glad to trade their accomplishments for the chance to be a mother and to receive the generous affection which only children can give.
The husband must not assume that the burden of parenthood rests entirely upon his wife. It takes both parents to provide a proper home for children. And even though he may not spend much time at home, it is as much as the husband’s home as it is the wife’s. The children are entitled to the influence of a father just as much as to that of a mother. Just as in the case of the mother to child relationship; so there are mutual #benefits to be derived from the contacts between father and children. The father should learn, through first hand experience about the problems of the home so that he can be understandingly sympathetic with his wife in her efforts to create a happy home atmosphere.
As a reward for this effort, he will receive the satisfaction that eventually comes to the man who can exult in the knowledge that his influence with his children has helped to make them what they are. The father’s influence cannot be administered by proxy. Growing children need the advantage of their father’s personal presence even more than they need the extra money which he hopes to earn by being constantly away from home. The father’s participation in his children’s play and counsel regarding their anxieties and problems gives them that confidence which is necessary to the building of well-adjusted personalities.
Even the husband must bring himself to the realization that his ways of life will be affected once he becomes a father. It is not fair for him to consider that his needs for recreation must constantly take him away from home. He may have to forgo some of the recreational activities of business associates in order to find time to spend with his family. But as the years roll by he will be happy that he chose to curtail his selfish recreations in order to share the pleasures of his own home.
The years of childhood pass so quickly that the father must be on ground constantly lest he misses the precious opportunities to spend time with his children. it is during these years that he has the opportunity to mold the outlook, ambitions, and philosophies of the children. Once the children are grown, he will have ample opportunity to resume his personal hobbies and recreations.
Mr. Williams took his four-year-old son to visit a supermarket to buy him present. Seeing the little kid with his father, one of his friends called, “Who is this little man?” Without any hesitation the small boy replied, “He is my father.” Many of fathers can understand the feeling of pride which will well up in the heart of this father which obviously will be far greater than that which could have come from having excelled in a game of tennis.
A teenage girl asked her mother why her father no longer played with her. He was fond of coming home with work to do. Her #mother fighting back tears of her own loneliness had to explain that her father loved her and that was why he was working so hard in order to provide for the family.
Your family’s happiness should not be sacrificed in the alter of material success. If the work is very tasking delegate some to your subordinates. You don’t have to do everything to the detriment of your family.
Can you remember your child’s latest report card? If so, how does it compare to the one before? When last did you show interest in your child’s school work? What was your child’s main concern? Can you remember when last you had a meaningful one-to-one conservation with your wife?
In this busy age a lot of people never seem able to find time for their families. But if you plan well, you can find the time. Work out a schedule that enables you to give attention to your family as well as your business. You will find out that the decision to give your family attention it deserves is good not only for them, but also for you.
There are times when a child wishes to take one of his parents into confidence. There may be questions that he wants answered, there may be perplexing problems on which he wants counsel, or there may be matters of a personal nature that he wants to talk about. Under these conditions he will seldom seek the counsel of both parents at the same time. Rather, he will choose between the father and the mother, confiding in the one to him that is most approachable.
What kind of relationship are you building with your children? Is it one of loving appreciation and admiration, or one of criticism? Do you take time for them only when it’s convenient or when they need you? These are things you should consider. If you take time to talk to them now, they will take time to talk to you in future. Then you are building a solid relationship with your children as the years go on that will be beneficial to the family.
In the okoye family there are two children – a girl and a boy. Before the children came the husband and wife were most congenial and found great enjoyment in life together. And this happiness continued while the children were young. But as the children grew to school age the father gradually became so absorbed in his business to earn more money that he found very little time to spend at home. Even when he managed to be at home, guests tended to monopolize his attention so that his family found themselves rather in the background. And because the father had no time to attend to them the children began to feel unloved and started to complain.
As a result, he decided that instead of being part of the family’s problems he would be part of the solution. Then Mr. Okoye changed his schedule. Still sticking to his business but now respecting his children’s opinions as well, he started practicing love in the family. He became a pleasant and lovable father. The family got together on a deeper level to the happiness of every one. He stimulated changes in others. The family became a unit wherein everybody loved and respected each other.
Talk with your children. Show them love. Listen to their problems and joys. Show interest in their activities. Attend their school functions if you can. There are two categories of parents when it comes to school functions: those who attended nearly every function and those who never attended any. They have absolutely no interest in what their children are doing or are always away in the office or business.
Just because your children are older does not mean they don’t need your approval and attention any more. Actually, they properly need it more than ever. If they don’t get it from you, they will seek it elsewhere. And this could portent danger for the family. So parent create time to attend to the needs of your children, all that is needed might not be money.