During the period between marriage and the coming of the first child, the bride and groom have normally given their undivided attention to each other. But with the coming of the first child this affection has to be divided. Raising successful children is very important to the happiness of a home, so it is very necessary that it is done with seriousness it deserves. Brian Tracy wrote, “As an adult, you are still affected by things that your parents did or didn’t do. The way you treat your children is strongly influenced by the way your parents treated you. It has consequences that cascade down the generations, and it has an enormous influence on their lifelong happiness and well-being.” When you have a child, a high level of self-discipline is essential in order to fulfill your commitment and deliver on your responsibility. You should be encouraging, supportive, kind, patient, educational, loyal, honest, caring and loving.
Show love and care to your children
Children need love like roses need rain. Expression of love should not be by kissing and fondling alone, but by words of appreciation and comfort. They need to be told continually that you love them that you admire their character, the good choices they make and their good attitudes. Without sufficient love and acceptance, children exhibit all kinds of personality and physical problems. However, words are not enough. You must back words with actions. If a child knows that you love and admire him, he will then accept the fact that when you discipline him it is for his own good. He will realize that you have his best interest at heart.
Educate your children
Make sure you send your children to school, because knowledge is power. Training your children might be on for a period of twenty to twenty-five years. Supply them with the best education for their talents and skills. This will be the best legacy you leave behind. When they are properly educated they can always be able to take care of themselves because only after the children have been trained and reached adulthood and have become satisfactorily independent of you is it reasonable for you to assume that your obligation to your children has been discharged.
Give your kids responsibilities
As your children grow you have to give them more responsibilities. It’s a delicate balancing act. You should not give them more responsibilities than they can handle but at the same time you should not do everything for them. Allow them to make mistakes because they will learn from them. Expecting them to do everything right first time will be unrealistic expectation.
Teach your children forgiveness
The inability to forgive lies at the root of most negative emotions. The Bible says that revenge should be left for the Lord. When you practice forgiveness, when you freely let things go, your children grow up with the ability as well. When you hold grudges against people it is like a poison to your system, because it eats you up. This saves them from years of unhappiness as the result of someone hurting them in some way, which will always happen.
Spend time with your children
Today many parents spend too little time with their children. Many of them are very busy earning money. Growing children need the advantage of their parents’ presence even more that they need the extra dollars which they hope to earn by being constantly away from home. Some parents believe that buying expensive gifts for their children is the answer; yet when those children become teenagers, many turn to alcohol, sex and drugs to satisfy their empty feelings created by lack of parental love. Parents’ influence cannot be administered by proxy. When you become a parent, you must discipline yourself and organize your life so you can spend ample time with your child throughout his or her growing years. You must discipline yourself to cut back, or eliminate other activities that prevent you from being an excellent parent.
Teach your children the words of God
Developing proper values and teaching proper conduct to your children is a lifelong job. Teach your children the way they should follow and when they grow up they will not depart from it. You cannot give a single lecture on good virtues and then forget about it. You must repeat the lesson by discussion and example over and over, all the time while your children are with you. Direct them to the scripture when they have problems and buy Christian books for them to read. There are many books written to guide and counsel children.
Bring up your children in a happy home
It takes both parents to provide a proper home for children. The children are entitled to the influence of a father just as to that of a mother. Sense of security at home is essential. At every stage of your child’s life, your words, actions, non-actions, and behaviors are shaping and influencing that child and determining how he or she will turn out as an adult. I have never known a child who grew up in an unhappy home being the best of behavior or the one who thought his home was a prison. You need to always provide a safe haven for them to come home to –no matter how much trouble they’ve got themselves into in the big world outside.
Teach by example
If you your children to behave in a certain way, you must model that method of behavior continually. Children and teenagers learn more by what you do, than by what you say.
There is nothing more unfair to a child than trying to force him into a parent’s mold without considering the child’s own abilities, interests, and ambitions. This makes the child resentful toward them. It will also build up in the child a strong feeling that he is inferior to other children. You must accept your child as he is and love him for what he is. Check your selfishness, quickly and completely. If you don’t, your child’s personality will suffer.
Praise your children for whatever they do well and punish when they disobey
You will be firm, loving, sharing, caring and responsible. However, praise more than you punish. Always try to be alone with your child to discipline. Remember that your objective is to bring the will of the child into submission so he will learn obedience, but not to break his spirit.
Show interest in your children's activities
Your child needs encouragement when he feels inadequate to meet a situation or problem. Attend their school functions when you can. You will approve of them, boost their self-esteem, improve their confidence and send them out into the world literate, educated, polite, helpful and productive members of society
Communicate with your children
Keep communication open with them when they are young, because they require great understanding and patience and these come by way of love and acceptance. Because of the many differences between you and your children, it takes tremendous discipline to build and maintain a long-term, loving, and happy relationship. During their teens is the most challenging age of children, due to the fact that they are no longer children and yet they are not adults. Their greatest need at this time is self-confidence which you should help them build.
Don't over protect your children
Help your children to be independent. Don't take their side against authorities if your children are wrong. But don't side people or authorities against them either. Assume the posture that they remain innocent until proven guilty. Trust them, but if they betray the trust, then punish them. Love your children but hate their wrong deeds.
It is your duty to teach your children to work
Boys need to be taught to do household repairs. They are more likely to have a better respect for their spending of money if they work for it themselves. Boys should also learn how to do some domestic jobs like cooking and housecleaning. They will need the experience when they leave home and live alone or when their wives become ill after they are married. The girls should be taught to cook, sew, clean, shop, iron and even bake cake etc. they should be taught how to be good wives and mother. And the best time to begin is when they are young.
Pay special attention to your children's hygienic habits
Endeavor to teach your children hygienic habits because it is said that cleanliness to close to Godliness. An attractive person will be noticed, even sought after, without being unnecessarily loud.
Recognize and respect each child’s individuality
Each child is an individual, with unique and special characteristics that make him or her different from other children. As time goes on, your child will develop according to his own traits and capacities. Each child has different ideas, tastes, desires, hopes, dreams, and expectations. Your child needs stimulating experiences and opportunities to develop his inborn traits. Even in early life, a child must be given opportunities to try his own powers, his own inclinations. He needs to be helped and guided to understand those powers and inclinations. The kindest way to treat your children when they make mistakes is to behave with calmness and compassion and to help them learn the lessons contained in the problem or difficulty.