Sunday, 30 November 2014


Maybe your spouse no longer makes you feel loved and there's no feeling that it will get better. As the divorce process unfolds, especially within the first several months, you will probably go through a series of emotional extremes, such as unsettling, uncomfortable and frightening feelings, thoughts, and emotions, including grief, loneliness, depression, guilt, frustration, anxiety, anger, and devastation, etc. Divorce is generally a stressful and unsettling event. Realize that every divorce brings about such change, and change is not always easy.
This is a life-changing event for all concerned and not just for the couple concerned. It affects children, grandparents, other relatives and friends. Divorce brings about changes. The consequences can be enormous and the whole process of divorce should not be entered into lightly.
A divorce may also signify the failure of your dream, because you’ve failed to make the marriage work. Everyone will react differently to divorce and different coping strategies and skills are appropriate to address each of these emotions of divorce. You may be able to suppress or contain it, for the most part. Some people may not even feel it. But most do. I hope that we are able to help you. By following these tips you can cope with these changes in a positive way and be better able to make a new life for yourself.
Mixed emotions after divorce
After the divorce you may find you have mixed emotions about your ex-spouse. While you may know that the divorce was for the best, you may find that some days you hate your ex-spouse, and, surprisingly, other days you miss him/her. You may be bitter that your spouse ruined the perfect family ideal you believed in and threw your life in turmoil. But sometimes you may wonder why you fell any fondness for someone you are divorcing. At these times, you may think of the good times. It is perfectly normal, and most divorced people report these mixed emotions. So how do you cope with these changing emotions? It’s easy to make your ex the villain but only one person does not hold most marriages together, and they don’t end because of one person either. So, deal with the anger you feel in a constructive way.
It helps to make a list of the reasons you divorced, and the differences you had. Also, make a list of the good parts of your former relationship. Many newly divorced people are so focused on the bad that they grow resentful and hold such a grudge against their ex-spouse, it is hard to move on with their lives. Everyone has some good traits and some bad. Creating a list of such necessary chores that’ll help to reduce their stressful impact on your life. Despite grief, there will be chores that need doing and bills that need paying. They may also be any number of extraordinary tasks that must be accomplished during the transition from married to single person, such as finding an apartment, which add to the general stress. The simple act of prioritizing and checking off list items helps make sure that all necessary chores get accomplished, and further helps to generate a feeling of control over the unfortunate situation.
Talk about it
Many grieving people find that their suffering is somewhat lessened when they are able to share their hurt feelings with a sympathetic person/s such as trusted family and friends and request assistance from these trusted people as they are able to offer it. Finding someone who can and will listen and allow you to vent your hurt emotions and fears and offer comforting advice often proves very helpful. Sometimes you may need a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on. Don’t shy away from seeking support and validation from friends and relations.
Keeping Journal
Keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings as you go through your adjustment to being divorced can provide many benefits. Most pressingly, journaling allows a further outlet for emotional upset. Describing pain and the difficult, situations being copied with help you to gain a better grip and perspective on those emotions and situations
Pain acted upon appropriately leads to growth and healing. Pain ignored or acted upon inappropriately leads to further pain and suffering. You will be astounded by the intensity of raw pain that can sweep over you, sometimes quite unexpectedly. Seeking out a professional counselor could be of enormous help even if the marriage cannot be salvaged. A professional counselor can take a more detached point of view and provide a platform for you to share your feelings and find a way to move on.
Get support.
When your marriage is in trouble, a better way of moving forwards is to reach out and ask for help. You can get help by attending support groups. Support groups are self-help meetings attended by people going through same sorts of circumstances. Generally, sponsored by community centers and religious institutions, divorce support groups provide a face-to-face forum where people come together to educate and support one another.
Take care of yourself
Self-care during and after a divorce, is a necessary if you want to maintain your health. Riding this roller coaster of emotions is tasking, so make sure you develop good self-care habits during this time, so at a personal level, making time for exercise regularly, getting enough sleep, and eating regular healthy meals, putting non-essential things on the back burner for now can help to preserve health and reduce the effects of stress.
Avoid dangerous habits
Failure to use judgment in deciding how one will cope with emotional hurt can result in negative outcomes. You may try to fill the loneliness promiscuous relationships or with endless hours of work, or with concern about the kids, or with a new relationship or gambling. You may experience the urge to revenge on your ex-spouse; your successful life post-divorce will be your best revenge.
Spend time doing things you enjoy
Most people say when they went through a divorce, it was on their mind every waking moment of their day. Take some time to do something you enjoy. This could include spending time with friends or spending quiet time alone with a good book or watching movies. Let your mind concentrate on something other than the divorce when you are feeling overwhelmed.
Explore new interests
Divorce is a beginning as well as an ending as the person you thought you knew and loved is no longer there, now replaced by some scary, spiteful stranger. Divorce can be a relief to some individuals or couples but it can also seem like bereavement. This is a perfect opportunity to explore new interests. Finding one or more causes, clubs, fields, hobbies or projects you are interested in (and wants to work in/on) is beneficial in a number of ways. New interests capture attention and bring it into the present, away from a focus on the past.

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